Thursday, February 16, 2023

Tuxedo

On paper this never should have worked. Carlos was managing an animal hospital in Miami and Tuxedo was the “transfusion” cat there, after being dropped off by his last owner for being mean. And mean he was; once, when he got out of his cage, he climbed to the top of a cabinet, pushed back an acoustic ceiling tile, and pulled himself up inside the celling to hide. Carlos had to find him, then grab him, and then get him down; which he did. But as he was setting Tuxedo down on the counter, the cat wrapped all four legs around his calf and he shredded Carlos with his claws.

That was my first time hearing about Tuxedo.

A few months later, Carlos asked if  wanted another cat; we had four other cats, down from the original seven, and we didn’t really need another mouth to feed, so I said:

“Let me meet him.”

At the animal hospital, they brought him out and set him on a counter, and I instantly scooped him up, flipped hm on his back and started scratching his belly. Carlos’ co-workers were stunned that Tuxedo was allowing this to happen and so, yeah, we took him home.

And he was not happy. We kept him in the den downstairs so he could get used to the smell of the other cats and the smell of us, before we let him out. See, Tuxedo had been adopted out many, many times, and always brought back within a day or two because "he's mean and hides all the time." The last time, before we saved him, he was returned to the animal hospital and one of the doctors decided to declaw him so he might be more adoptable.

Never a good idea; mean cat .. hides all the time. What to do? What to do? I know! Cut off his fingers! See, declawing a cat isn't taking off fngernails, it's actually removing their "fingers" down to the first knuckle. So they can't scratch themselves, protect themselves, play. And it doesn't make them nicer, it turns them into biters.

Oy! People are stupid.


So that first night he hissed at us, spit at us, growled like a demon cat, tried to bite us and hid from us. I stupidly let him out of the den and he immediately crawled under the stairs. The risers on the staircase are open so Carlos fashioned a leash into a noose-like rope and was able to get it around Tuxedo’s head and grab him out from under the stairs. Oy, the sounds he made at Carlos, the guttural growl and the hissing. Carlos looked at me:

“Maybe we should take him back.”

But I saw something in that cat.

“No, everyone takes him back and maybe that’s why he’s so mean. We’re not taking him back.”

Every day for over two weeks I went in the room where we were keeping him, and I sat there. And every day he came closer, sometimes close enough to bite me and run off; then close enough for me to pet him. And for him to bite me and run off. I threw a ball on a string and he’d chase it; I fed him and talked with him, and touched him when I could, and soon he sat in my lap. It took a good month or so, but Tuxedo became the sweetest cat, the smartest cat, the most playful cat ever.

He started sleeping with us—something he did every night after that until last night—and he took over the house. Scruffy, one of our tabby cats, had been the Head of Household when Tuxedo arrived, and Tuxedo took to following Scruffy and seeing how things worked; when breakfast came, when dinner was served; who went out in the mornings, and who stayed in. When Scruffy passed Tuxedo was Head of Household … again, until yesterday.

Sidenote: the night before he left us, I was holding Tuxedo, and Consuelo came  into the room; I ran a hand along her back and told her that she would have to take over being in charge and Carlos muttered:

‘We’re fucked.”

Y’all know Tuxedo was diagnosed with kidney disease and went on a special diet. Late last week he wasn’t too interested in his food and would only nibble at it. By the weekend, I decided he was done with that special food and started giving him his old food, and he loved that. But he was still losing weight and his back legs were growing a little more unsteady; he lost some muscle mass back there and was wobbly on his hind legs.

By Monday it was clear he wasn’t planning on being around much longer, but we wanted to wait and see; he was still eating a little, and was still drinking water, which kept him and his internal organs hydrated, and we hoped he would slip away quietly at home. Wednesday morning we knew that wasn’t going to happen, and so we once again made that call, and we took him to the vet that afternoon, where he passed quickly and quietly and peacefully with both of his Dad’s petting hm and kissing him and saying our goodbyes. Then we brought him home and buried him in the backyard alongside MaxGoldberg, his best friend.

Sidenote: I have always called him The Great Tuxedo, and Carlos has always muttered, “He’s not so great.” As we stood there crying in the backyard, Carlos said:

“He really was the greatest cat.”

I turned and said:

“Eighteen plus years and you never once said that!”

“I always told him, but  didn’t tell you, because you’d get a big head.”

Last night we sat and talked about Tuxedo and the things we’ll miss: the way he loved us was tops, then came the way he welcomed people into our home. He never hid from strangers, he always met them and sat with them. Once time, a guy was here working on the dishwasher and Tuxedo sat right by his head as he lay on the floor working, and the man laughed about his ‘apprentice.’

I’ll miss the way he met me at the back door when I came home from work, and then walked with me not the bedroom to ‘talk’ while I changed clothes. I’ll miss the way he would play fight and bite me; the way he galloped down the hall when you called him to dinner. I’ll miss that face; oy, the punim on that cat. I’ll miss the way he made himself comfortable everywhere, from a windowsill to a kitchen floor to a spot against the wall.

We’ll miss the way he loved being outside with us, walking along the deck railing or just lying on the table and soaking up the sun. I’ll miss him sleeping n my lap, sleeping on the bed between, and sometimes on top of, his Dads.

I’ll miss every single thing about The Great Tuxedo, but I’ll remember what we learned from him: that if someone seems a little mean, a little shy, maybe even, oh I don't know, a bit of a biter, sit with them, hold out a hand, and maybe, after a while, they'll come to you and become one of the sweetest greatest friends you'll ever have.

That was Tuxedo. And I will miss him every single thing about him, every single day.

We’ve lost a lost of pets over the years, but this one is really doing me in. I’ll be back sometime next week.

Thank you all for your kind words.

43 comments:

  1. I always looked forward to Tuxedo's words of wit on your blog. He was one handsome, wise, and worldly guy. He was Some Cat.

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  2. Oh dear, you made me cry for all of our lost pets. We lost our old diabetic dog in November. I still miss her so much. Especially on a Sunday morning when the church bells are ringing and she isn't howling her wolf howl along with them. You have such lovely memories of Tuxedo.

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  3. This is always the worst thing to happen. My sympathy is with you and Carlos.

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  4. Well at least he went over the Rainbow Bridge and that Max Goldberg. When you were telling me of tuxedos issues I did fear a little bit, because that's exactly how Starrbooty went. And she could very well been the female counterpart to tuxedo. Well you know you have my condolences. And I hope tuxedo lives on in your Thursday posts. I mean we still need to hear his snarky point of views. You both hang in there. I'm sure Consuelo and Ozzo will give you many licks and hugs

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  5. Oh, so devastating - most of all to the both of you. It just HAD to happen sometime, of course, but even so, however one knows that it must be, when the inevitable comes it really is one Hell of a blow.
    My deepest condolences - but thank you, Tux, for leaving your daddies with such uniquely rich memories. Bless you!

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  6. You are the "Cat Whisperer" and I applaud your ability to take Tuxedo into your heart and home. I couldn't have done it. But I do know what it is like to lose a beloved animal friend. Condolences to you and Carlos.

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  7. You and Carlos take all the time you need. The loss of anyone or anything that we love and let into our souls can be nothing but devestating. But the memories that are left are their gift to us. Love and hugs to you both.

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  8. All I can say is I share your pain, your joy, your misery, and your blessing. Hugs to you both.

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  9. Tuxedo was lucky to have found you and Carlos. You gave him such a wonderful life.

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  10. krayolakris9:42 AM

    My deepest sympathies to you both.

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  11. Well. Now I have tears in my eyes. Cats can be the most special beings and I feel so fortunate to have/have had some of those beings live with us, become part of our family. I know you will miss him dreadfully. What great dads you were for him and he obviously knew it.

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  12. I'm so glad you had patience with and faith in Tuxedo so that, after his unhappy start in life, he could find a wonderful forever home with you and Carlos. He was The Great Tuxedo indeed. My condolences for your loss and may you find hearts-ease in time.

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  13. Dearest Bob,
    So very sorry for yours and Carlos' loss. My beloved 21yo Persian passed under the same circumstances in 1995. I still miss the joy he brought into my life. The sorrow will eventually pass, but the wonderful memories will live forever. Take care.

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  14. What a great obituary for Tuxedo.

    Sending love and thoughts your way.

    Tuxedo was lucky to have chosen you and Carlos.

    May your loss be eased by all the good times the family has had with The Great Tuxedo.

    “Time spent with cats is never wasted.” – Sigmund Freud




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  15. Without a doubt Tuxedo was a great character and props to you for persevering with him. It's not easy making the decision to end a life, but at the end of the day it's a duty all pet owners owe to their animals to free them from pain.

    Happy hunting in cat heaven Tuxedo

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  16. Holy shit. I'm here all tear-eyed and whatnot.
    So sorry about Tuxedo. He was a character, indeed. You and Carlos not giving up on him was awesome.

    XOXO

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  17. A beautiful post and I'm sitting here teary-eyed, thinking of my own cat (an adoptee) who shredded my calves as well and who had to learn to love me. Once they know they're safe and cared for, they are the best and most loyal of cats. What treasured memories you have of Tuxedo!

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  18. My condolences to you and Carlos ... So sorry you had to make that decision for Tuxedo ... I know how heart wrenching it is! Beautiful Consuelo will, hopefully, rule the household with a soft paw!!

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  19. (Tuxedo, Bob and Carlos)
    xoxo

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  20. I cried so hard reading your post this morning. You are my cat hero. And my thoughts and love are directed to you and Carlos. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you saved Tuxedo's life and filled him with so much love and happiness that it changed his life forever. That's the power of love.
    I'm pretty sure he's in heaven chasing butterflies with Max Goldberg and my dear red headed Maine Coon, Kramer, who passed away and left me at the beginning of the pandemic in April 2020.

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  21. What a Great cat he was indeed, such a loss .. It's the one disadvantage of having pets .. they leave us way too soon. XXX

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  22. Oh, sweetpea! I am so sorry to read this. My heart is with you and Carlos. Much love to you both. xoxo

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  23. Such a lovely, comprehensive eulogy Bob. I know what it means to love a cat. Your patience in bringing Tuxedo round when you first brought him home was really admirable and you and Carlos gave him the best home life he could have ever had.

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  24. I am sorry, Bob. Condolences to you and Carlos. Take care.

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  25. A lovely tribute to your Great Tuxedo. Run free, angel cat.

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  26. Skepticat8:37 PM

    I'm getting my cats wet with tears over Tuxedo. He was so lucky to have had you, and you were so lucky to have had him--which you earned with blood and tears.

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  27. Anonymous9:12 PM

    So sorry! Tuxedo was lucky that you and Carlos found him and gave him a loving home. Too many animals never have that chance. You made his life great, and he reciprocated. May the happy memories swiftly push aside the tears. You did good.

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  28. Goodbye Tuxedo. You were well loved.

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  29. How you changed each other's lives. My heart broke reading this. What a beautiful story. May the abrazos I'm sending you and Carlos be felt for days to come.

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  30. Take time, and take care of yourself.

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  31. Heartbroken. This is a beautiful tribute to El Gato Guapo, my superhero. Bobulah, you've made me smile through the tears. You and Carlos make a wonderful, loving and snarky family for your furbabies. Hugs to you both.

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  32. Sorry for your loss. Glad you found each other.

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  33. Anonymous5:54 PM

    I am going through a similar situation. Me and my husband got a rescue dog. He has a few issues, and I got of faith from your story.

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  34. aussieguy6:10 PM

    A very touching, loving farewell to a beloved pet! Pet lovers can appreciate what you and Carlos and your family have gone through as we all face that inevitably. Your words were a fitting homage to a great cat. We don’t have cats (allergies) but fiercely love our dogs and have faced and will face the sadness you’ve experienced this week but hold on to your memories as they will help you adjust to life without Tuxedo’s presence.

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  35. I am so sorry to hear that - and feel for you and Carlos. Tuxedo was loved and had a great home, life and dads. Hopefully Sophie will greet him and not hiss too much.

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  36. There is no sorrow/pain like this one the loss of a pet. I am glad to see the comments here for you. Hugs.

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  37. My heart to you, my dear. Thank you for taking such good care of him. You know, I once had a cat climb inside a hole behind a clawfoot bathtub and live in there for three weeks. I would just slide food in. At night he would come out and explore the house... and then one day he felt safe and that was the end of it. People need to have patience with adopted animals. They truly need to feel safe before feeling comfortable. Thanks for sharing Tux's story. Hugs and kisses to both you and Carlos. Very sorry for your loss. Wishing you both great peace. You're exceptional cat dads! Kizzes.

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  38. My heart is aching for you and no words can cover the loss you and Carlos will be feeling.
    Mark

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  39. What a loving tribute and a reminder to be kind to those who are scared and suffering.

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  40. Anonymous6:02 AM

    I just saw this, I’m not sure when you wrote it, and when you write stories like this you always make me cry. Again, I’m so sorry about The Great Tuxedo, what a great story of how you met, so happy you were persistent, you have 18 years of wonderful memories that maybe, not right now, but you’ll be able to bring up those memories, the funny, cute things he did and smile and laugh soon💔

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  41. What a wonderful tribute to The Great Tuxedo. I thought of this quote when I was reading this, Bob, and I hope it helps you and Carlos with the healing process.
    "It came to me that every time I lose a pet they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new pet who comes into my life, gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be pet, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”
    Take care.

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  42. Dearest Bob and Carlos, anyone who cannot bond with a cat or dog cannot possibly bond with anyone or anything else. Your love for The Great Tuxedo was special which says to me that you both are very special guys. The Great Tuxedo lives on in your spirits. This post was a moving tribute. Bless your hearts. I will be thinking of you whenever I look at Tux who has wandered into our hearts following the loss of Carport Kitty in October. Our love to you all

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  43. What a touching tribute. I love all the details and stories. I feel like I know Tuxedo myself after reading this! He was so lucky to have found you, and you him.

    When I lost my cat Howard back in 2005 I remember how cathartic it was to write an obituary for her. (Yes, Howard was a girl.) It helped me so much to recount all those special memories.

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