I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh. Hell. No. It’s been announced that 34-year-old Cynthia Erivo and 28-year-old Ariana Grande will star as Elphaba and Galinda in the film version of the Broadway musical Wicked and I am not here for it.

Here’s why … in both the book, which I have read, and the musical, which, yes, I have seen countless times, Elphaba and Galinda—she was Galinda before changing her name to Glinda—are the same age, and roommates in college. Erivo and Grande do not look the same age.

Now, I’m cool with Erivo, who is a formidable talent, but Grande? Come on. Find someone closer in age to Erivo who looks like a contemporary and not somebody’s little sister.

On the upside? Tens of thousands of people have signed a petition begging James Corden to stay out of the upcoming Wicked movie.

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For a while now there’s been a battle over the Hottest Chris … Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, or Pratt. Now, I’ve long been a fan of all three, Hemsworth with his hot body, Evans and his hot ass, and Pine with his sexy blue eyes, but I’ve never thought much of Pratt and now I think even less of him,.

Pratt was once married to Anna Faris, and they share a 9-year-old son named Jack. Jack was born seven weeks premature and weighed less than four pounds. He spent the first month of his life in the NICU before coming home and has had health issues and five separate surgeries due to his premature birth.

So what did Pratt do that earns him the title of Douchebag? Well, he took to Instagram to brag on his current wife Katherine Schwarzenegger and praised her for the things she’s given him, including an “amazing life” and a “gorgeous healthy daughter.”

Yes, Katherine gave him a healthy daughter while Anna … let’s not even talk about the misogyny of a man saying his wife “gave” him a child, as though that’s her duty, but to even praise her because the child she bore for him was healthy?

Pratt is a douche.

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Ramona Singer is the longest serving—like a jail sentence—member on The Real Housewives of New York City and is by far the worst. Though she rarely talks about it, she’s an ALLEGED Thing 45 fan, she thought COVID was a hoax, and is constantly saying racist, offensive shiz.

For example, at a “Black Shabbat” dinner she said that Jewish people hate her, and that she, too, was a victim of racism because a Black nurse ALLEGEDLY  refused to give her pain meds while she was in labor in 1987. And this past week, she commented “So true” on a video of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. comparing vaccine mandates to “Nazi territory.”

So that’s Ramona in a nutshell.

This past last season Eboni K. Williams joined the show as the first Black cast member, and not so coincidentally this past season was the first time ever that the reunion shows were cancelled. At first Bravo blamed that on “scheduling conflicts” even though the reunions are part of the filming schedule and planned out months in advance but then an uglier story broke that the cancellation had to do with an investigation into Ramona’s ALLEGED racist behavior and a comment she made during a fight when LuAnn de Lesseps kicked Eboni out of her home; Ramona ALLEGEDLY said:

“This is why we shouldn’t have Black people on the show.” 

Ramona immediately denied it, but … also says she signed a confidentiality agreement and can’t “share her side of the story.” Um, here’s the deal: someone accuses me of being a racist any “confidentiality” agreement is tossed out the window and I’m talking. But Ramona isn’t, and was asked by Bravo to undergo sensitivity training: AKA Stop Saying Racist Shit, Girl.

Eboni ALLEGEDLY filed a complaint against Ramona when she heard about the racist comment, and that Bravo took the ALLEGATION seriously enough to launch an investigation. Ramona was ultimately cleared though Williams was sad to be “dissatisfied” with the investigation and its findings.

And fans have their own thoughts: some think Bravo canceled the reunion so Eboni wouldn’t have a chance to confront Ramona about her racism, and others think the network is protecting Ramona so that people will watch her in the upcoming Peacock spin-off, The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip, and that once the spin-off is done airing, Ramona will get fired.

Or, as I am apt to think, Andy Cohen will give her a pay raise for all the free publicity.

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Shailene Woodley, girlfriend of COVIDIOT Aaron Rodgers,  took to social media this week to slam the Daily Mail for misidentifying her boyfriend in a series of photos about him being a liar, saying the media outlet was “grasping at straws to disparage Aaron.” She posted screenshots from the story and drew a circle around the mystery man’s—who had been identified as Aaron in the photo—shoes and brought up the old wives’ tale that big feet mean big dick:

“i know aaron’s body. VERY well. first off, his feet, ahem and no offense to this rando dude, are a LOT bigger. ;).”

Wow, Shailene. Tell us more about your ALLEGEDLY big-dicked lying boyfriend; and she did:

“also, for those of us who know aaron beyond the worlds of obsessed sport and shitty media, it’s no secret he has the hairiest hands on the fucking planet. this oblivious homie, clearly, does not. (go ahead, zoom in).”

Whoosh, Shailene is pissed over, and obsessed by, big feet and hairy hands, and gets very angry about them. Lastly, she went after the man’s car:

“also, cute car dude, but aaron would never drive this.”

Take it down a notch, girl your boyfriend was asked if he had taken the COVID-19  vaccine and he said, “Yes.” And that was a lie. Now, did the Daily Mail maybe not use photos of the actual liar? Did they use a small-footed, smooth-handed, compact car driving man? Maybe.

But that doesn’t mean your boyfriend isn’t a liar, hon, and that doesn’t mean you sound desperate and pathetic.

Take a seat, Karen.

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If Dakota Johnson is your Secret Santa this year your, um, “stocking” will be stuffed.

For some reason known to no one other than Dakota, she announced that she will be giving Butt Plugs, designed by sexual wellness brand Maude, to friends and family for Christmas because nothing says Ho Ho Ho like a butt plug, I guess:

“Oh, this is going in everybody’s stocking. Are you kidding? It’s the perfect stocking stuffer. You think your uncle hasn’t wanted a butt plug his entire life? You’re lying.”

The butt plug, dubbed Cone, plug is a dark evergreen color and resembles a Christmas tree, perfect for the person who wants a Christmas tree up their bum.

Maude’s $30 “Cone” is made with FDA-grade, body-safe silicone that is soft to the touch. The tapered end of the toy and its smaller size makes it the perfect “starter size” for beginners, designed with both men and women in mind to make anal play “really approachable.”

Ho Ho … Oooh.

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