I Ain't One To Gossip But .....

Hayden Panettiere has been having a rough few years. She had a child with world heavyweight boxing champion Wladimir Klitschko before they split, and he has custody of a child they share.

Then she began a horrifically abusive relationship with Brian Hickerson for about a year until a judge issued a restraining order on Hayden’s behalf against him following his arrest on May 2 for assaulting Panettiere; police had answered four different calls to their home for domestic violence.

So, Hayden and Brian are done, but might still have a connection because now it appears that Panettiere is dating Brian’s brother, Zach, with whom she’s been seen out and about holding hands.

Now, maybe it’s nothing, but why in the world would you walk through the streets of New York holding hands with the brother of a man who has assaulted you several times, has been ordered to stay away from you, and has been prohibited from owning firearms?

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Now that she’s on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Denise Richards really needs to bring the drama if she wants to stay relevant so … cue yet another fight with ex-husband Charlie Sheen over child support.

Last year Charlie was rumored to be flat-broke and claiming he couldn’t afford the $20,000 a month Denise was getting for their two daughters, but Denise is now saying that’s a lie so he can hide his coins from her.

And she wants a new payday. Denise’s legal people are asking a judge to force Charlie into paying some back child support, saying:

“[Charlie] has squandered over $24,000,000 from the sale in his interest in ‘Two and a Half Men’ to pay his personal debts and to support his extravagant lifestyle at the expense of support payments for his children … During the time frame since our last stipulation/order in 2016 he has failed to pay $450,000 in support while diverting over $600,000 in assets to adult family members and converting thousands of dollars into cash for his own personal use.”

Of course, Charlie Sheen is denying the whole thing in his own unique way:

“D and her legal posse traffic only in fiction. My day in court is painfully overdue. She is behaving like a coward and the truth will prevail.”

I see a very special courtroom episode for the next season of RHoBH.

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So, Jennifer Lopez has a new movie opening where she plays a stripper—I’m thinking it’s called the Jennifer Lopez Story or something.

Anyway … she plays a stripper seeking vengeance against some rich customers and because of that “female empowerment” angle, some folks on social media are now saying that … wait for it … it’s really rich … JLo will get an Oscar nomination.

Seriously? JLo on a pole is Oscar-worthy?

Be afraid, JLo, of walking downstairs ahead of Elizabeth Berkley, who was robbed of an Oscar nod for Showgirls.

Amirite?

Sidenote: there should be an award for how she keeps her face from moving.

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When famous people divorce, you always get that obligatory “irreconcilable differences” line and the plea for privacy during their difficult time.

Not so, in the case of Family Values High Priestess Sarah Plain, whose husband Todd filed for divorce after 31 years of marriage and dragged his soon-to-be-ex through the mud in his filing.

In court documents Todd Plain asked to dissolve the marriage citing an “incompatibility of temperament between the parties such that they find it impossible to live together as husband and wife.”

In other words, he cannot stand to be in the same room as his wife.

What took you so long Todd?

PS Once you get that Silkwood scrubdown to remove every trace of Mama Grizzly Bore™ from you, gimme a call. You’re kinda hot.

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How I missed this Kardastrophe catastrophe I do not know, but apparently Mister Kim Kardastrophe—Kanye, I believe is his name—was building a low-income housing project that looked a little like Luke Luke Skywalker’s domed desert house on Tatooine in the backyard of his Calabasas home and never got a permit.

Permit? He’s a Kardastrophe, people!

Well, the neighbors saw Kanye Town going up in the backyard and instantly alerted the authorities who put the kibosh on the build after realizing that all the structures in Kanye’s backyard were permanent, and not prototypes—which is what he claimed they were. They gave Kanye until September 15th to come up with the proper permits, but I guess they made him pissy because all of the structures have been destroyed.

Too bad, Kanye Town might have been a good amusement park … The Ego-Tilt-a-Whirl … The Off Your Meds Roller Coaster … The House of Mirrors that makes your ass look enormous.

Could’a been huge.

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