It's Snarkurday!

Y’all remember that last weekend Blister Palin was set to marry her war hero husband, Dakota Meyer, but called it off at the last minute when she found out her intended had already been married once before.

Blister tried to play it off like she knew about the First Missus War Hero, and said that even though there wouldn’t be a wedding, they would use the day as a Celebration of life ... um ... except Blister wasn’t into celebrating life and didn’t attend her own party.

Yup, Blister missed Mama Grizzly Bore’s™ Memorial Day barbecue because she spent the weekend in Alaska Instagramming pictures of herself to her fan. Obviously she did it to make damn sure everyone knew she was nowhere near Kentucky and her fiancé, and wants to keep up the charade that she called off the wedding, but that there were no hard feelings.

Except you stayed away from Palins and BBQ and booze. I mean, that’s a party brawl right? 

Okay, I don’t watch The Good Wife; yes, people say how great it is, but I don’t care I don’t watch it … bite me.

But I was reading about Archie Panjabi, who recently left her role of The Good Wife and is now co-starring in some disaster-epic-craptastic The Rock move about earthquakes that we’ve all seen a hundred times before. But that’s neither here nor there …

The story is that Panjabi and The Good Wife star Julianna Margulies — who allegedly forced Panjabi out because her character was very popular — finally filmed a scene together for Panjabi’s last episode, only they really didn’t … Many people thought the awkward scene had been achieved with stand-ins, green screens and CGI, and now a producer has basically confirmed all that by admitting that Panjabi and Margulies weren’t even in the same room at the same time.

Wow, that must have been some catfight to send one actress packing and to make it impossible to get the two women together on camera one last time. But I guess the green-screen, CGI scene probably helped Panjabi prepare for her role in that CGI-master-craptastic-piece San Andreas where, even when she was acting in a scene with Dwayne Johnson, it probably felt like she was talking to a cardboard cutout.

When last we left Real Housewife Kim Richards, she had been arrested at the Beverly Hills Hotel for being drunk and disorderly, which she followed up with a widely crazy appearance on “Dr.” Phil, at which time he tried to coerce her into rehab and she refused.

Eventually, Richards did decide to check into a facility — her fourth time in rehab at an unnamed facility — that is said to be similar to a Four Seasons, meaning mini-bars and room service, because she could come and go as she pleased, and leave for days on end to attend her daughter Brooke’s second wedding — to the same guy … the first go-round was filmed for the Real Housewives show — in Mexico.

Where she allegedly got drunk. Quelle surprise. She ALLEGEDLY drunkenly raged at her daughter Brooke, who is now also not speaking to her, cursed out the groom and his family, and so embarrassed her sober coach, who came along probably for the free trip and all the champagne she could snatch from Kim’s hand, that she got so pissed off she up and left.

And then Kim failed to return to rehab after her boozy weekend.

Lohan? This is you in 25 years honey.

I love Christina Aguilera. And I know she’s a raging diva, but that’s how I like my divas to roil. But maybe Christina has taken it too far because now it looks like she’ll be fired from The Voice because no one likes her.

A network insider — and it cannot be Lohan because of the words ‘network’ and ‘insider’ — says,  “No one wants Christina to come back as a judge on season nine of The Voice.”

Apparently Aguilera has angered everyone on the show with her antics this season including constantly being late to the show, and holding up production, and fighting with that other diva, Adam Levine. The source continues:

“She was really difficult to work with this season. Tensions between her and Adam were consistent, but she also just had a really bad attitude. She showed up late a lot, took forever for hair and makeup and was just very demanding.”

Well, to that I say, Duh. She’s.A.Diva! That’s what they do! And that’s how I like ‘em.

If you noticed, or cared, Katy Perry was noticeably absent from the Billboards Music Awards because, well, it was Swifty’s turn to win all of the awards.

Now, it appears that Perry was planning on going until her on-again-off-again-on-again boyfriend — and Swifty ex — John Mayer convinced her to stay home … to write a whole bunch of new songs trashing Taylor Swift based on stories that walking STD known as John Mayer told her.

Gosh, I miss high school and the mean girls and their whipped little boyfriends.

Shortbite:

La County Prosecutor Terry White has confirmed that Lindsay Lohan has completed her oft-0delayed community service by working 8 hours a day … without a break mind you so forget those pictures of Lindsay standing outside the Brooklyn children’s center chain-smoking …to get the job done.

Yes, for the first time in seven years Lindsay Lohan is not on probation.

And how long will that last?

When last we left Johnny Depp he was Down under smuggling his tiny dogs into the country, until authorities told him to remove the pooches — Australia has a ten-day quarantine on animals entering the country — or else the dogs would be put down.

And Johnny did send the pooches home. But the story isn’t done because now people want to know how the Great Puppy Smuggling Incident of 2105 went down.

Apparently, a customs official checked the private jet before Johnny, the crew and the rest of the passengers got off so they’re wondering how he got them in. Perhaps wrapped up in those twelve-foot long scarves he wears? Or hiding in Johnny’s matted hair? Or maybe he gerbil'd ‘em? Just sayin’.

I kid but Australia is mad and, if they find out who hid the dogs, and how they got into Oz, the pilot of the private jet could also face up to 2 years in jail. In addition, if Depp is found to be the one who smuggled the dogs in, he may also get jail time … or be forced to take a bath at least.