Originally
posted Monday, February 16, 2009
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Scene: A yellow kitchen somewhere in Smallville, with green cabinetry; a small round table; early morning, soft light comes in from a window on the right. There is a toaster on the table; two cups of cafe con leche, a bowl of oatmeal, a loaf of bread, a half-stick of butter, and a jar of Krogers Apple Butter. Two men ... two gay men ... are sitting at the table, talking ...
Bob: So what happened on your show last night?
Carlos: Oh yeah! Well, Rebeca went to LA to see her father--
Bob: New York.
Carlos: New York. Yeah. Whatever. But she won't tell her father why she's there.
Bob: Why did she have to go to New York? There was no one in LA she could talk to.
Carlos: I know.
Bob: Of course, it gives them a chance to have Ken Olin on and he's cute.
Carlos: Anyway!
Bob: Right.
Carlos: Justin keeps calling Rebeca but she won't answer. And then her mother doesn't know where she is, so she...what's her name--
Bob: I don't know--
Carlos: --goes through Rebecca's computer and finds the contract that Tommy left. She reads it but doesn't get what's wrong with it. She takes it to her--
Bob: Holly.
Carlos: Holly. That's it. She shows it to her lawyers who tell her that Tommy is trying to get her out of the family food business--
Bob: Ojai Foods.
Carlos: Uh-huh. But now Holly knows Tommy's plan--
Bob: The writers are going to send him to jail because they all want the actor off the show.
Carlos: Who?
Bob: The guy that plays Tommy. Apparently he had a very public affair with Sienna Miller last summer and left his family. But then I also heard he had a drug problem--
Carlos: Tommy?
Bob: No, the guy that plays Tommy. Anyway, they're writing him off the show. They'll send him to jail so that way he can come back if they want him, or they can just forget about him, like they did Richie and Joanie Cunningham's older brother on Happy Days.
Carlos: What?
Bob: Nothing.
Carlos: ANYway, Holly showed the contract to the gay uncle, Ben--
Bob: Sol.
Carlos: Ben. Sol. Whatever. He pretends like he doesn't see what Tommy's doing, but then he goes to warn Tommy.
Bob: He's going off the show.
Carlos: I know. Then Nora goes to San Francisco to see the stepson--
Bob: Bastard child.
Carlos: Ryan. Only he doesn't want to see her and then they talk and she gives him a ticket to come see her in....where do they live?
Bob: Pasadena.
Carlos: Pasadena
How was your breakfast?
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I never watched the show, but I might have started after reading weekly summations like this one. Or maybe not. I have a feeling your blog posts would have been more interesting. Thanks, Bob, for the morning laughter while wiping away the tears. :)
ReplyDeleteSo THIS is where you get the ideas for your Snarky Saturday gossip!!!!! Love the Sienna tidbit. Meanwhile what a lovely spot to watch the birds in the morning. The ones outside.
ReplyDeleteSounds exhausting. If this is how your day starts, no wonder you turned in early and missed the show...so you got the exhausting recap first thing in the morning and turned in early and missed the show...and got the exhausting recap first thing in the morning and....
ReplyDelete(Do you see trend in this?)
Once I sat at our breakfast table with my grandmother and great-aunt. They had both been traveling and were catching up. I was astonished at
ReplyDeletethe goings on of their friends - amnesia, affairs, surprise children. Then I realized they were talking about their favorite soap.
Carlos tells a story like our second son. He wanders back and forth, forgets names of people, and places, and focuses on the oddest parts of the show. But I do adore listening to him tell me the plots of movies and tv shows. There is something sweet and lovely about it. You Bob are one lucky fella.
ReplyDelete