PR All-St★rs 4 Ep 6: Shooting Craps

The PR is always a crap-shoot; you never know what the challenge is, or the budget or the time frame, or the twists, so this week the producers really gambled with the designtestants’ minds by having Alyssa Milano trot out a pair of ginormous dice, covered in fabric choices, the other covered in events, that the designers will have to roll to discover what they’ll make and what fabric they’ll have to use; the choices include brocade, silk, velvet, lace, and denim, and bachelorette party, masquerade ball, gallery opening, awards ceremony, and Sunday brunch.

They have $150 and one day, with the added perk of having a post-baby birth Alyssa wearing their look in the pages of Marie Claire.

It’s a gamble, a spin of the wheel, a roll of the dice, a pull of the slot machine arm a … let’s just rip …

THE SAFES

DMITRY—[Velvet and Gallery Opening] I never knew velvet was the Most Hated Fabric, I mean, Elvis looks good painted on it. But, now that I see it in a jumpsuit, I am getting a Blanche going partying on The Golden Girls vibe from it. It’s a miss … mismatch.

JAY—[Denim and Brunch] The drama came when Helen marched over out of the blue to tell Jay his look was less Sunday Brunch and more Walk of Shame. Words flew, claws came out. But then Jay had the model styled like, and I quote, “Like she was out clubbing the night before and woke up, wearing the same make-up, to go to brunch.” Maybe Helen was right?

SAMANTHA—[Brocade and Awards Ceremony] What is this mess? It looks like something Twisty the Clown would have worn on American Horror Story Freak Show awards event after several months on Jenny Craig. The peplum is dragging down the deep plunge; the crotch is a seamstress’ nightmare; the mix of fabrics hurts a blind man’s eye. How this catastrophe didn’t end up in the bottom is beyond me.

THE BOTTOMS

JUSTIN—[Silk and Gallery Opening]

Zanna tells him he got the best combination of all, so he’d better push it and not do something predictable … like a dull black dress.

WHAT HE SAID

I love my look … it’s a very bold look.

WHAT I SAID

I love Justin, such a sweetheart, but this says less art gallery opening than it says drab, box in which to store art … and by Art, I mean Art the crossdresser from Toledo.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac Mizrahi loved the neckline, but that was about it; he thought the proportions were off and that the print came off as matronly; he also called it ‘common.’ The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ — thank Dior she was back — said, “Lose the sleeves” because she found the whole look too heavy. Guest judge, and kinda hot, CFDA winner Michael Bastian, said Justin had the easiest combination and had hoped he’d have made better choices in fabric and design; he then called Justin lazy. Ow. Alyssa said she felt nothing about the dress, and that ain’t good.

WHAT HAPPENED

Justin is safe, though the next time Zanna tells him to push it, he should freaking push it.

FABIO—[Denim and Masquerade]

It’s an ugly combination, but Fabio took it, and ran with it … right into a near Aufing.

Zanna rightly was worried about Fabio’s choice of pink denim, saying it was too Pepto Bismol and Fabio instantly threw up; but didn’t change a thing.

WHAT HE SAID

I really like the color … she looks absolutely stunning.

WHAT I SAID

She looks like the ghost of Marie Antoinette reincarnated as a Sister Wife.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said the dress was ‘fine’ but would have been better if he’d used actual denim to create a masquerade gown. Isaac had a stroke over Georgina’s ‘’fine’ comment because he hated the dress; he called it an “epic failure;” he called it “aggressively awful.” Translation: Isaac.Hated.It. Michael Bastian was annoyed that Fabio used the least “denim-y denim." to use, while Alyssa said it looked like bubble-gum pink taffeta and if Fabio had used bubble-gum pink taffeta he never would have made this mess. And all the judges agreed about the bizarre styling.

WHAT HAPPENED

Probably based on his win last week, Fabio's safe.

GUNNAR—[Brocade and Masquerade]

It looked like Gunnar made one top for the dress, and then decided to switch it up and fringe the fabric to create feathers; odd, since his first thought was butterflies and I ain’t never seen no feathery butterfly.

Zanna liked the idea of the fringe, but warned him that they needed to be placed just so.

WHAT HE SAID

I love what I did, but I also have this concern.

WHAT I SAID

WTFringe? And why does the skirt look just like a couch cover strapped around her waist? It’s a cornucopia of wrong.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

“I like the dress,” Alyssa said, and could say no more, except that she hates a high-low hemline. Isaac called it a miss; he called it weirdly unresolved and cheap; then he added, and I quote, “It’s an insult to every bird and butterfly I ever saw.” The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ liked the idea of the fringe, but found it so thick that the model lost her waistline; she called it juvenile. Michael Bastian felt the feather detail was not done very well; Gunnar said it was supposed to be random, Bastian said it wasn’t random enough.

WHAT HAPPENED

It was inevitable; Gunnar’s out.

THE TOPS

HELEN—[Brocade and Awards Ceremony]

Helen lucked out by getting awards ceremony because she is all about the gown.

Zanna liked what she saw, but crinkled up her nose at the idea of a back-slit, so Helen moved it around front.

WHAT SHE SAID

The cherubs can come out … and swoop around her.

WHAT I SAID

I don’t know how the she managed this hat trick, but it’s both boring and slutty at the same time.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thinks the corset, the deep plunge, the slit and the bare midriff are too much, and that Helen should have just picked one. Alyssa thought the skirt was too tight, but loved the seaming on the dress. Michael Bastian loved that Helen used both sides of the brocade to create texture, while Isaac said the brocade could have been Catherine the Great but ended up more like Georgina’s Sofa.

WHAT HAPPENED

Helen is just plain safe.

MICHELLE—[Lace and Gallery Opening]

I think she had the toughest fabric; lace? How to make a dress of sheer fabric without it being whore-ish? But, Michelle choice to layer the lace over the top of one another to create an opaque fabric.

Zanna took one look at it and called it classy.

WHAT SHE SAID

I’m thinking my model looks really great.

WHAT I SAID

It’s cool and sexy, but not slutty, though I will never understand why the Widette-style hips.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Michael Bastian was not a fan of the color choices, but loved the way Michelle used them, and said there was nothing about her look that he didn’t love.  Isaac loved the spot where you could see the bra, calling both the dress, and Michelle, “A dirty little wink.” He was not, however, a fan of the skirt, and even The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ agreed the skirt needed a rethink; she did call it a smart use of color and lace. Alyssa, too, loved the color.

WHAT HAPPENED

While I think this should have been on top, Michelle gets a second place showing.

SONJIA—[Brocade and Bachelorette Party]

Sonjia is engaged, so she’s making a dress she would wear, with pockets to hold all the one dollar bills she’ll need for the strip club. A bit of drama ensued when Michelle spread the word that Sonjia’s pink fabric was not brocade, but a quilted pink fabric — much like toilet tissue I’m guessing. Sonjia was pissed they were tripping on her fabric, but, in the end, lost the pink and went for the gold … in more ways than one.

WHAT SHE SAID

My goal was to be safe, but as my look is coming down the runway, I’m like, ‘Hey now! Hey now.’

WHAT I SAID

It cuts a little close to showing the fine china, and I’m not a fan of all that gold, but it looks well-made.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa dubbed Sonjia the “one to beat” in this challenge, while Michael Bastian said it was certainly Vegas, though not in a good way; he found it too Caesar’s Palace cocktail waitress. Isaac said it could have gone Tacky Vegas but it looked youthful and rich. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ had one concern, that the draping at the shoulders was too heavy.

WHAT HAPPENED

Sonia gets the win, though I’m thinking ‘Just barely.’

Michael Bastian is kinda dreamy.

I loved this challenge. I liked the idea of the roll of the dice and how everyone had a different challenge to complete. But the Masquerade die was a miss, because did it mean costume, or did it mean ball?

Michelle should have won. That's all.

I also loved how Helen could march over to Jay and tell him his look was basically all wrong for the challenge, and then get mad when he got mad. Maybe pipe down Helen; you aren’t going to win this thing.

My favorite line of the night? There were two:

Helen talking about going to a casino with her grandmother: “She just taught me how to play Russian roulette. She’s really good at it actually.”

Causing Michelle to mutter: “I know Helen just means roulette. Not the stick a bullet in a chamber, spin it and then point a gun to your head.”

But I loved Isaac’s comment to Michael Bastian about how the judges handle it when it’s so close in deciding who goes home: “We start slapping one another until you agree with us.”

What did YOU think?