PR 11 Ep 8: Blunders For Down Under

I tried to find the Aussie word for train-wreck because I need it here, badly.  This was a d-i-saster of a week, and at the end, when Heidi facetiously said all the designers were Auf’d, I was cheering; then she said it was just wishful thinking, and I got the sadz, so let’s start at the very beginning …..

After the surprise double elimination of Team TuKate last week, Heidi and The Judges decide that they will determine who plays together: Team Shake-Up!!!!! They put Richard with Layana, Amanda and Samantha and I wonder how he’ll handle working with all girls and not be able to flirt with Daniel or Stanley this week. And, of course, that leaves Michelle working with BFF [not] Patricia, and Stanley and Daniel. 

And, why oh why, are the teams asked to give themselves names, because we end up with Richard’s team being called Team Slick and Hip—which sounds like an ad for lube—when they should have been called Team Mean Girls and The Dick. Meanwhile, Stanley’s bunch calls themselves Team Shades of Grey. Yeah, like the book; except to Daniel who apparently doesn’t read, has no access to social media, and doesn’t understand pop culture.

This week's clients are the big muscled men from Thunder From Down Under, an all-male strip club who want some new outfits for their opening act. So, the looks this week are menswear….ACK……for muscle gods…..ACK ACK…..that have the ability to breakaway, or, well, be ripped off…..ACK ACK ACK.

Let’s rip ….. pun intended …. But I’m gonna keep this simple because it’s left a bad taste in my mouth ….

TEAM SLICK AND HIP

Layana hates her team: Richard’s tacky, Amanda isn’t good, and Samantha’s tacky.

But most of her aggression was saved for Richard; as they talked design, she and the other girls teamed up against the balding, walnut-headed girl and shot down every single glitzy, glam, diamond, sequined, shiny idea Richard offered.

So, naturally, Richard goes to Mood in a mood and wails to Tim about 'those girls’. :::sniff sniff:::  And then, back in the workroom, he gets the video-chat with his BFF back home and cries some more about how he thought this would be fun. Apparently he has never seen the show.

Now, the, um, for lack of a better word, clothes:

Layana makes a jacket that looks like it’s two sizes too small and made for a woman. She asks Richard for advice, which he gives, and then Tim says it’s all wrong, so she heads off to Stanley Town for a Suit Tutorial.

Meanwhile, Amanda is making pants that are too tight and too short and, while her model stands on the runway, they begin to come off by themselves; in some cases I might go for the Self-Removing Pant, but this isn’t the time.

Richard’s shirts are all ill-fitting, and make the ThunderBoys look pudgy; the collars are flat and flaccid—the last thing I’d think you would want on your male dancer—and they are so long they cannot be tucked into Amanda’s  too-tight pants.

Samantha’s look was okay, though the vest was so small it couldn’t even close; Heidi dubs her the best of the worst. High praise indeed.

The only good thing about Team Lube’s clothes was that they were easily torn off by Hot Aussie Dancers, but were they torn off out of the love of the dance or were they torn off in a fit of rage?

I’m leaning toward rage.

TEAM SHADES OF GREY

The look is Business, so Daniel makes a trench coat, and Patricia makes a woven shirt and Michelle makes a vest and sleeveless shirt. What business, exactly, are these men in?

Only Stanley bothers to make a suit. And, gosh, what an ugly suit. I mean, look at the suit Stanley wore on the runway; hot and sexy. Yet he created a suit that was ill-fitting and worn over a shirt that looked like the dancer himself had hot-glued it together while wearing it.

Patricia took the entire day to make a shirt, something Michelle reminded us of at every turn, and something Daniel also complained about, and yet you couldn’t even see her basket-weave shirt—you read that right, I said, ‘basket-weave’—because Daniel’s clerical smock covered it up..

Daniel; he made a beauty salon smock and called it a trench coat. A trench coat? Really, I think a guy that wears a trench coat and flashes it open to show you what’s underneath isn’t entertainment, it’s criminal.

I did like Michelle’s vest, but as guest judge Emmy Rossum pointed out, it didn’t look like office wear, it looked more gas station. But, I will give Michelle extra points because she made a pair of pants that really fit that dancer’s ass; thank goodness for DVRs so I could watch and rewind and watch and rewind as he walked away from me.

So, while their clothes were slightly better, the object of the clothes—to be able to rip them off while dancing—never happened. The dancers fought and struggled and, in the end, helped each other undress, which provided me with some very sweet dreams later on, but that’s a post for another day…..

THE JUDGING

Not only did Heidi want to personally come out of her seat and bitchslap this bunch of losers, but she declared that no designer would be the winner. Team Lube Joke was the worst of the worst, so Team Grey was the winner, as she said, ‘by default.’

As for Team Shades of Grey, Heidi hated Daniel and Patricia’s trenchcoated, basketwoven nightmare; she called Patricia’s shirt a ‘pot holder’. The Adorable Zac Posen™—whom we all know just loved it when the guys stripped—didn’t hate the Potholder Shirt, but hated Daniel's pants.

Nina hated everything, though she did say Michelle’s look was the most palatable.

There’s a blurb for a fashion website: Our clothes aren’t great, but they’re palatable!

In fact, Nina was so distraught over the entire episode that she couldn’t look at the clothes without laughing. And laughing. And laughing. Except, it wasn’t funny.

When it came time to judge Team Slick & Hip, Heidi could only gasp. The Adorable Zac Posen™ couldn’t believe Richard had never heard of a collar stand and said shirt construction was Design 101; perhaps Richard was off flirting with a cute boy and missed that class. Perhaps Amanda was off smoking the day she missed the class on how to fit pants. I mean, has she never heard of a seam allowance? Leaving enough extra fabric in the seams to let the pants out on those monster thighs?

When asked who should be sent packing, after being beaten to a pulp by the judges, Richard and Samantha threw Amanda under the buss, while Amanda and Layana went after Richard. But, in the end, because she’d been awful more than once, Amanda went home, though I fear Richard may be following soon.

MY TAKE

I wonder how the producers failed to realize that this would be a nightmare. I mean, menswear is always bad on the PR, and when you throw in beefcake and stripper-wear, and toss in the one day challenge, you’re just asking for a catastrophe.

And, again, all the designers sit and gripe about their teammate’s work but never offer a suggestion of help. Are we really this far into the season and they still don’t realize that they have to work together?

I like Michelle, but stop bitching to me, and offer some advice.

And Daniel? Enough.With.The.Stache.

Layana? You’re a bitch and you aren’t all that.

Richard? Stop crying because you aren’t working with Stanley. You’re sharing an apartment with him and I think you get plenty of glimpses of him in various stages of undress to make …. Where was I?

Oh, Stanley. Wear.More.Suits.

Anyway, next week, the shears hit the fan as Michelle and Daniel fight, and Patricia and Stanley fight and Layana bitches about how bad everyone else is…..

Just another week on the PR.

What did YOU think?