Why Is It ...

… that most people don’t realize that when I say I hope we can be more than friends, I mean we can be strangers.

… that some people tell you I’m the nicest person they’ve ever met and some people say I am a bitch? Well, believe them both because they got the version they deserved.

… that while an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it also keeps most people away if you throw it hard enough.

… that my co-workers have yet to learn that “Fuck that shit” is a perfectly acceptable substitution for “No.”

… that when life feels extra rough I ask myself, “Did you poop your pants,” and if the answer is No then I’m still winning.

… that the other day when a co-worker told me they were mad at me I suggested they slip on a cape so they can be SuperMad.

… that no one is laughing at the Amish anymore? Is it because they’re the ones clickety-clacking right past every gas station?

… that my To-Do List always includes barking up the wrong tree, putting all my eggs in one basket, judging a book by its cover, rocking the boat, and add fuel to the fire.

… that while my mind still think I’m 25, my body says my mind is dumb.

… that when I can’t sleep I tend to think of things like, how many vampires have been run over by people who back up only using their mirrors?