Random Musings

Poor Ryan Lochte ... he’s talking about that “incident” at the 2016 Rio Olympics and claiming he was suicidal in the aftermath of his drunken, lying about being robbed at gunpoint antics ...

“After Rio, I was probably the most hated person in the world. There were a couple of points where I was crying, thinking, ‘If I go to bed and never wake up, fine.’ I was about to hang up my life entirely. You can be at the all-time high and then the next second the all-time low.”

Um, Ryan, the low you felt came about because you got drunk, you trashed private property, lied to the police and then fled the country. You acted like a spoiled, self-entitled brat, an ugly American and a narcissistic tool.

It’s all you, baby. Grow a pair.

The _____’s are criminals who steal from cancer charities.

There ... I said it; and so did Forbes, who claimed that Eric _____’s Foundation—he’s the dumb one ... one? I kid ... they’re all dumb—holds an annual golf tournament to raise money for St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital but has been siphoning money earmarked for cancer research back into the _____ Organization.

Grifter say what?

The lure of DumbEric’s tournament was that, because DumbEric could host the event on a free _____-owned golf course, all of the proceeds could be donated to St. Jude’s.  Except ... per recent tax filings, the courses were not free and more than $100,000 in donations were funneled through the Eric _____ Foundation back into the golf courses, ultimately showing up as revenue for the _____ Organization.

Like I said, grifters. And furthermore, over the last 10 years, over $500,000 in donations to the Eric _____ Foundation—money promised to help children with cancer—was re-donated to other charities “connected to _____ family members or interests, including at least four groups that subsequently paid to hold golf tournaments at _____ courses.”

If this doesn’t bother you then, well, you can f**k off because you have no heart or soul. Stealing from children’s cancer patients ... that’s the _____ way.

So, every year I start to watch Food Network Star, where the network pretends to find a new cook for a new show, only the winner does about 6 episodes of their “show” and then they are almost never seen again; except for Guy Fieri who must have something on a network exec ... but I digress.

Every year the show features the same stereotypes: the home cook, the sassy black female cook, the beefy black male cook, the country bumpkin cook, the pretty woman cook, the Martha Stewart wannabe cook, the gay cook and the hot guy cook ... or any combination of the above, as in the Hot Gay Guy Cook ... or the Sassy Black Beefy Male Cook.

This year was more of the same, though there were at least two Hot Guy Cooks who gave off the Ambiguously Gay Vibe and one of those was Blake Baldwin, the healthy food cook. Alas, the healthy food cook rarely lasts long and Blake, looking so sleek, and so sexy, and so kinda Clark Kent, was sent home. And so I decided to stop watching one episode in ... though I did manage to find Blake’s website with some of his healthy food recipes ... and some pictures of Blake looking hot.

Hot Cook.

I love clothes and oftentimes I wear things that are a bit avant-garde for the Smallville crowd, but I like what I like and wear what I like and y’all are haters.

Where was I? Oh yeah, odd clothes ... like lace shorts for men. Um .... no.

We all know _____ thinks life is a reality show; we all know he has a habit of signing executive orders that don’t actually do anything, and he likes to do it on camera, but this is beyond ....

This week _____ announced his support for privatizing America’s system of air-traffic control, and held an event in the White House East Room as though he was signing major legislation ... which he isn’t because he’s passed nothing yet.

Anyway ... _____ signed a letter outlining his principles for overhauling the air traffic control system and even handed out pens to lawmakers who had been invited to attend, while he reveled in several rounds of applause.

But _____’s announcement did not have any binding effect ... it was nothing; a show.  _____ surrounded himself with GOP members of Congress, who accepted ceremonial pens, but _____ didn’t sign any legislation. There wasn’t even an executive order.

It was #FakeNews. A White House aide told reporters _____ had simply signed a “decision memo”—a document in which the president says he’s gonna support an idea—which basically means nothing.

Like a _____ presidency.

The other morning, driving to work, I was listening to an oldies station and Carlos, who knows zilch about pop culture, pop music, pop ... anything ... heard a song on the radio and said:

“Rod Stewart?”

“What?”

“Isn’t that Rod Stewart?”

“No. It’s Bette Davis Eyes ... by Kim Carnes ... a woman.”

Oy. Blonde women are Madonna and raspy voiced singers are Rod Stewart.

I Tweeted to the president this morning ... “Bad news? Your approval ratings are down. Good news: the impeachment numbers are up.”

If this was his reality show it would have been canceled by now.

Margaret Court, a former tennis pro from Australia is decidedly anti-marriage equality and anti-gay—she says tennis is “filled with lesbians” and that transgender children are brainwashed with techniques akin to those used by Nazi Germany and devil worshippers—and now former American tennis pro John McEnroe is smacking back at her, saying her hatred of The Gays stems from the fact that Margaret Court lost her 1973 Battle of the Sexes tennis match to Bobby Riggs, who was later bested by ::::gasp:::: lesbian player, Billie Jean King.

“Margaret Court is telling us, ‘Tennis is full of lesbians.’ The way I see it, there are three options regarding this statement. Number one―this is true, and who gives a fuck? Number two―this is not true, and who should give a fuck? And number three―this is half true, and should we really give a fuck?”

And so many professional tennis players—including ::::gasp:::: lesbian Martina Navratilova—are calling for Melbourne's Margaret Court Arena to drop Court's name in advance of the Australian Open, but McEnroe has a better idea:

“Keep the name and when same-sex marriage becomes legal in Australia, I will personally call my good friend Elton John to host the biggest same-sex, mass wedding ceremony ever seen — in Margaret Court Arena. ... That’s just the kind of guy I am.”

I.Love.That.

California just signed an agreement with China to expand cooperation on renewable energy and zero-emission vehicles.

“The president has already said climate change is a hoax, which is the exact opposite of virtually all scientific and worldwide opinion. I don’t believe fighting reality is a good strategy.”—California Governor Jerry Brown

The President-For-Now might not “believe” in climate change, but others around this country, do, and will do the work the president will not.

Good on Brown, and California, and all those other mayors and governors who will do what’s right and what’s best for the world, not just the One Percent.

First Bette Midler is Dolly Levi on Broadway and now ... Cher: The Musical???

There was apparently a top-secret read-through in January and now the show is a go! Cher even Tweeted:

“Just got off phone w/writer & director of musical. There will be performance in theatre with actors, dancers, singers!! It’ll be on Broadway 2018.”

The show will feature songs from Cher’s catalog and chronicle her life—from her childhood to singing backup vocals as a teenager, to meeting Sonny Bono and how they made it to the top of the music business. After their 1975 divorce, Cher reinvented herself as a pop music icon and movie star, winning an Oscar in 1988 for “Moonstruck.”

A casting notice was posted in the trades last fall looking for the characters of Babe, Lady and Star ... who represent Cher at different moments. In addition to Cher’s parents, the show will also feature Bob Mackie, David Geffen, Gregg Allman, Robert Altman, Rob Camilletti and Sigmund Freud among its characters.

Wait. Did Cher date Freud?

Seriously, could Broadway get gayer?