Tuesday, June 13, 2017

President-For-Now _____ Orders Cabinet To Plant A Wet One On His Ass

Hair Furor!

President-For-Now _____ held a Cabinet meeting yesterday—cameras present and running, of course—and asked that each and every Cabinet member around the table start off by kissing his big fat ass.

Oh, but he did.

But, as a narcissist will do, _____ started off first, praising himself—I guess to show his underlings what he expected of them:
"Never has there been a president, with few exceptions—case of FDR, he had a major depression to handle—who has passed more legislation and who has done more things than what we’ve done. We’ve been about as active as you can possibly be and at a just about record pace.”
Um, like what? Wall? No. Travel ban? No. Healthcare? No.

And then he asked the others to speak; Mike Pence went first:
“Never have I had a more gentle lover. The way you bend me over the couch in the Oval Office and make sweet sweet love to me.".
Okay, maybe Mike didn’t say that, but he did say this:
“It is the greatest privilege of my life to serve as vice president. The president is keeping his word to the American people.”
And Pence is awaiting impeachment so he can ascend to the throne.

Next up, Secretary of Energy Rick Perry:
“Now, because of you, Mr. President, people have stopped calling me ‘The Dumb One’ in the GOP.”
All right! He didn’t exactly say it in those words, but Perry—who had urged_____ not to drop out of the Paris climate agreement—praised the man for doing just that:
“My hat’s off to you for taking that stand and sending a clear message around the world.” 
Health Secretary Tom Price said:
“You have made my life. By allowing me to work toward denying healthcare to millions while making millions myself, well, I could go on kissing your lily white ass for decades.”
Or, he said:
"I can't thank you enough for the privileges you've given me and the leadership that you've shown. And we’re continuing to work very hard every day to accomplish these goals.”
But I’ll give it to U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley—who spends her days fixing the idiotic gaffes and statements issued by the Tool-In-Chief—who, instead of saying something along the lines of “How come you don’t wanna grab my pussy?” said:
“I think the international community knows we’re back."
But it was Chief of Staff Reince Priebus who walked up behind _____, made him stand, undid his belt, pushed down the President’s pants, pulled down his briefs, spread those clammy ass cheeks and planted a big went one on _____’s sphincter, with this one:
“On behalf of the entire senior staff around you, Mr. President, we thank you for the opportunity and the blessing that you’ve given us to serve your agenda and the American people,”
No joke; he said that.

Of course, rumors abound that Priebus is thisclose to being kicked to the curb, so can we blame him for being such a stunt man?

Despite Trump’s boasts to the contrary—the only thing they’ve accomplished are scandals, and low approval ratings—no major legislation has made its way through Congress.

None. Nearly six months in and the GOP—fully in control of the entire government—has done nothing.

But, hey, _____ wants a rim job.

7 comments:

Raybeard said...

Reading these makes me want to retch - and I'm talking about the factual ones. Talk about sucking up to the boss! (But they WILL get their rewards!) And as for that Priebus chappie, oh, D.T. will SOOOOOO like what he said, especially the "blessing" bit. So, if he hadn't already thought of it is he now going to apply to be Pope? Think of it, Pope Donny I. We await the white smoke.

mistress maddie said...

Well someone better give him a rim job, because Melania sure doesn't want to do it. And I bet all said buffoons all got a hefty pay raise to say those things...and keep a straight face.

the dogs' mother said...

I did read that our home town boy, Secy of Defense Mattis did not praise dumald and instead only talked about the troops serving the country.
The rest of them - I was gobsmaked.

The Boofont Sisters said...

Oh Jesssssssus Christ, where is the shovel...

it's getting deep in here.

Dave R said...

You are Too funny! However you did miss the comment by Betsy DeVille... I mean DeVos: "How privileged I am to be able to work for such a magnificent man. Under your leadership I will endeavor to insure we have a massively uneducated lower class to fill all of the shit jobs left over after you kick out all of those bad hombres."

anne marie in philly said...

instead of his fat white ass, I rather think the dump had the cabinet put on kneepads and...well...slurp his frontal region.

Helen Lashbrook said...

I loved the Schumer video plus Don Lemon and Morning Joe had all their guests scraping and bowing after that parody of a cabinet meeting.