It's Snarkurday!

Lindsay Lohan—trying to rehab her image—may have a new gig ... a jewelry line.

No, seriously. Lohan, who was arrested in 2011 for taking a $2500 necklace from an LA boutique; she pleaded no contest to misdemeanor theft for that one.

So maybe, since Lohan is Tweeting of her new venture ... #LohanJewelry ... this is the real deal, though I imagine she’ll be selling her line out of the trunk of a car in an alley somewhere.

Just sayin’.

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In Katy Perry’s latest song, Swish Swish, she sings that it’s funny a certain “bish”—clearly Taylor Swift—can’t keep from saying her name. See, when Swish Swish was released, Katy, once again, whined her girl fight with Swifty over backup dancers from years back.

Well, through a “friend” because that’s how she rolls, Taylor Swift wants y’all to know that she wants no part of this mess ... any more. The “friend” says:

“She honestly wants no part of this, that’s why she avoids talking about it. She doesn’t want to engage.”

She does not want to engage even though she began the Snit when she wrote Bad Blood about Katy?

Bish, please.

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Rumors are swirling that Fergie had—depending on who you listen to—been kicked out of, or dropped out of, the Black Eyed Peas over “creative differences.”

And now, will.i.am has confirmed the rumors to be true ... Fergie’s out. But the question remains ... is anyone still in the Black Eyed Peas?

I mean, their sell-by date was at least two years ago, though I think it’s been longer.

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Gwyneth Paltrow ... the gift that keeps on whining.

In an interview with The Edit, Goop continued to kvetch about why people don’t like her. She tried to replay that story about haters hating her because they are “unenlightened.” I mean, c’mon, if you don’t shell out $3,000 for a plain white t-shirt, or steam clean your ladybits, you really are a peasant.

Now Goop is saying that people don’t like her because ... wait for it ... she is an attractive successful woman. Seriously. Goop says:

“It’s got a few layers to it. People were fine with me as an actress, but with Goop it was like, ‘Stay in your lane.’ Women in general get a lot of pushback, especially if you’re successful and attractive… I’m not saying I’m attractive. I mean when you’re considered attractive.” 

Honey, you are a moderately talented, self-involved wannabe and, yeah, I don’t like you, but not because you’re moderately successful or moderately attractive but because you are full-on full of yourself.

Seriously, take a seat.

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Poor Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott ... I mean, really, poor.

Five months ago, City National Bank sued Tori and Dean over a bank loan. The reality whore couple owed $188,802 in loan payments, interest, and late charges, and Tori also owed more than $17,000 in overdraft fees and interest.

In March, City National issued a default judgment against Tori and Dean but they never paid the bill, so City National took it a step further. Tori and Dean were supposed to appear in court on May 22 to respond to City National’s request, but they didn’t show up. I guess they figured if they owed someone 200K and just sat it out, the bank would be all, “You know, never mind, we don’t need the money.”

Oh hell no. A judge granted a default judgment to City National and ordered Tori and Dean to pay $219,796.66 for the loan and Tori’s overdraft.

Tori and Dean better get to Lifetime or E! or Bravo or Pop or Logo or Animal Planet to try and scare up a reality show because shiz just got real.

$219,796.66 real.

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So Baywatch sank at the box office ... it drowned .. it belly-flopped ... pick a watery metaphor.

According to Box Office Mojo, its four-day domestic box office gross was less than $23 million, which is roughly a third of what a studio paid to make this mess. By comparison, Pirates of the Caribbean 5 came in at #1 with more than $78 million, so clearly people wanted to see a disaster at sea, but just not their disaster.

So, who to blame? Well, if you’re The Rock, who has now had a couple of bombs dropped into theaters this year, you blame the critics, by Tweeting:

“Bold move from this critic who watched #Baywatch w/other critics who laughed their ass off, but then they decide to trash it publicly.”

Maybe they weren’t laughing with you, but laughing at you.

Big difference, Rock ... huge.

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Jaden Smith has accused The Four Seasons hotel in Toronto, Ontario of trying to murder him. I know :::sigh:::: but according this self-entitled little brat the Five Star Corporate Hotel actually made things purposely horrible for him.

Will and Jada’s demon spawn is in Toronto filming the movie Year in a Life, and was staying at The Four Seasons when he had some issues and instead of calling the front desk, took his spoiled brat ramblings to Twitter:

“The Four Seasons In Toronto Just Made Me Want to Throw Up On MySelf.”

Someone needs to get back to an English class ... unless this is the title of his autobiography. Still, he did go on ...

“I Hope The Four Seasons In Toronto Puts Me On The No Stay List.”

Oh, honey, I’m sure they have.

“The Four Seasons In Toronto Spiked My Pancakes With Cheese, I'm Surprised I'm Still Alive.”

WTF? Someone needs to parent this tool.

“After They Kicked Me Out Of My Room”

Perhaps they kicked you out of your room for “acting” like a little bitch who thinks the world revolves around you.

I say kudos to The Four Seasons.

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ABC dug up the corpse of American Idol for the 2018 season and will pay Katy Perry some $25 million to judge the first season and one person is not happy about that.

Hint: it’s not Swifty.

Nope, Ryan Seacrest is none too happy with how much money he’s getting to host the show again because, yeah, it’s not Katy Money; in fact, it’s less than 50% of Katy Money ... just $10 million.

Sheesh, Seacrest spends more than that on Botox and hair products in a month.

I think someone needs to start a GoFundMe for Ryan.

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I find Armie Hammer hotter than hot because he’s a tall, beefy drink of water, and because, well, he went there during his onscreen love scene with Leonardo DiCaprio in their film, J. Edgar.

Hammer was on on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen asked him about his role of Clyde Tolson, Hoover’s longtime lover and whether or not there was any, um, wood, during the kissing scenes between Hammer and Leo.

Armie gave a little nod and said, “Yes.”

Leo was one lucky onscreen homo for that film if I do say so myself.

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I don’t find Jamie Foxx funny or talented, but that’s okay because he thinks he’s all that ... and a bag of chips.

Foxx filmed a Tonight Show promo and decided to pretend to use sign language while lapdog Jimmy “Tousle ____’s Hair For A Laugh” Fallon laughed about it all. Trouble is the deaf community—represented by model/activist/dancer—Nyle DiMarco was not happy and took his outrage to Twitter:

“@iamjamiefoxx, It is straight up disrespectful to make up sign language.  Everything is in gibberish.”

Nyle then tried to educate Jamie about ASL:

“Jamie Foxx’s behavior with Jimmy Fallon on Fallon Tonight should not be tolerated anywhere.

We simply do not make fun of other cultures, especially those with a history of being marginalized. When we do this, progress takes a step backwards.

Sign Language is important to me because it is the bedrock of Deaf culture. The United Nations Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities says Sign Language is a human right of deaf people, and out of the 70 million worldwide, only 2% have access to education in Sign Language.

That’s why I started the Nyle DiMarco Foundation.

We are working with other organizations to ensure every deaf child has usable language before the age of 5.

What Foxx did on Fallon Tonight made our struggle that much harder.”

I wonder if it might have been quicker to use the universal sign of the One Fingered Salute for Foxx.

Maybe that he’d understand.

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