Thursday, June 29, 2017

Random Musings

It’s a good thing my boss loves me because ... one day this week, I brought my lunch from home, and as I was eating he looked at it and said:

“What’s that?”

It’s a Black Bean, Corn, Tomato, Avocado salad,: I replied.

“What’s in it?”

“Black Beans. Corn. Tomato. Avocado.”

“Smartass,” he said.

“Dumbass,” I replied.

Like I said, it’s good that I’m good at my job.
In a case of him being about the most ignorant man on the planet, this week President-For-Now _____ attacked The Washington Post and its owner, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, for its coverage of him and his administration as, wait for it, because it’s new and newsworthy .... #FakeNews.

The fake news story that has that dead muskrat on his head itching his scalp? The story about how he has framed copies of a fake issue of Time magazine with his picture on it at several of his properties.

Yup, he called a news story about how he made a fake issue of a magazine a fake news story.

Fake + Fake = Truth. Dipshit, as my Dad would say.
Well, isn’t this special? The 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled that Mississippi can begin enforcing a law to allow merchants and government employees who cite religious beliefs as an excuse to deny services to same-sex couples.

Cuz, you know, God hates fags.

Heres’ where it might get ugly, though, because how do you know when someone is being a biugot because of the Baby Jeebus and when they’re being a bigot because they are hate-filled human beings?

Asking for a friend.
A friend of Carlos’ has a cat that was making some weird nosies and so she took him to the vet and spent a great deal of money on tests after test to find out what was wrong.

Turns out the cat sneezes in rather than out.

Carlos made some snide remark about a waste of money to find out your cat sneezes inward, and I looked at him sideways and said:
“Yeah, that’s kinda like spending $20,000 for a day-and-a-half in the hospital because you hurt yourself throwing a bag of leaves in the back of a truck.”
Yes, that was snark to my Poor Baby Carlito.
Poor Ivanka “Complicit” _____ is being forced to testify in a dispute with Italian shoemaker Aquazzura Italia over one of her company’s shoe designs that Aquazzura Italia says she stole from them.

What? A _____ stealing someone else’s work and pawnign it off as their own? What’s next? Melania _____ giving someone else’s speech at a—

Oh yeah, never mind. The family of grifters is just doing what they do.
One morning this week, watching the news whilst having breakfast, I caught sight of the amazing shot that Jordan Spieth made from a sand trap.

“Oh my god,” I said to Carlos. “That’s amazing!”

Carlos watched the replay and said, “Wow, what an incredible shot.”

And I said:

“What shot? Look at his ass in those jeans!”

Priorities, people. And whoever knew golf could be hot?

Fox news political commentator Chadwick Moore—an openly self-loathing homosexual and former liberal who is now drinking the Kool-Aid— was on the “news” show to discuss a vigil that took place at Stonewall Inn to remember the 49 innocent people that were brutally murdered in the Pulse massacre last year.

The event was organized by Gays Against Guns, and was also used as a way of protesting against out-dated gun laws that continue to allow dangerous individuals to purchase guns without proper background checks. And, when asked what he thought about the anti-_____ nature of the event, Moore said:
“Most gay people aren’t political. Most gay people, you know, they care about pop music and going to the beach. They probably don’t know what the Second Amendment is. And so they show up to be together, to celebrate the community, to mourn together and instead they are fed this anti-gun nonsense.”
Oh, you stupid man, we have been politically active for fifty years working against ignorant bigots like yourself and will continue to do so, while we dance and go to the beach and catch a Broadway show because we’re here, we’re queer and we can multi-task the fuck out of wingnuts like you.
The Congressional Black Caucus are expected to refuse an invitation to meet President-For-Now _____ because they say this White House has done nothing to further CBC priorities and they believe _____ will use a meeting with them as a photo opportunity and nothing else:
“No one wants to be a co-star on the reality show.”  
Honey, you ain’t never lied.
Well, we haven’t seen the tax returns because ... liar ... but it appears that President-For-Now _____ had personal liabilities of at least $315.6 million to German, U.S. and other lenders as of mid-2017.

Yeah, he’s good for business.
In great news for TV lovers, and lovers of Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City books—28 Barbary Lane and Back to Barbary Lane.

Netflix is developing a return to Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City, with original stars Laura Linney and Olympia Dukakis already signed on to revive their Showtime and PBS characters.

Michael Cunningham, The Hours, is writing the ten-part series and Armistead Maupin will produce.

Sheesh. Now I gotta Netflix, too?
Jason Chaffetz, the Congressman from Utah, is set to reign in a few days, but before he goes, he is suggesting that We The People pay members of Congress a $2,500 per month housing allowance:
“I really do believe Congress would be much better served if there was a housing allowance for members of Congress. In today’s climate, nobody’s going to suggest or vote for a pay raise. But you shouldn’t have to be among the wealthiest of Americans to serve properly in Congress ... and I flat-out cannot afford a mortgage in Utah, kids in college and a second place here in Washington, D.C. I think a $2,500 housing allowance would be appropriate and a real help to have at least a decent quality of life in Washington if you’re going to expect people to spend hundreds of nights a year here.”
As a member of Congress Jason Chaffetz makes $174,000 a year for roughly 131 days of work, or about $1300 a day; his net worth, and he’s one of the least wealthy members of Congress, is over $2 million.

And yet he wants you to pay his rent. And if he doesn’t stay in DC, and opts to fly home every weekend, We The People pay for his airline ticket.

A $2,500 monthly allowance would cost We The People $30,000 a year per lawmaker, or roughly $16 million a year for all 535 members.

Bitch, please.


anne marie in philly said...

#1 - bwhahahahahaha

ain't never been to MS and ain't never planning to go; h8ers!

ooooooooh, that ass!

YAYZ for the CBC standing up to the orange asshole!

FUCK the orange asshole and his family and every GOPrick congressperson!

and FUCK all ignorant asshole murricans!

the dogs' mother said...

Sesame Street - :-)

Anonymous said...

All of these great musings, and all I can think of is: How the heck do you sneeze inward?! Oohcha instead of ahchoo? I'll be practicing all day probably. My life is so fulfilling.


Sadie J said...

Wow, Chadwick needs to pull his head out of the sand. I don't know a single gay person who isn't politically minded. Or maybe that's just the people I'm friends with?

Mitchell is Moving said...

Too much to comment on and I've spent too much time laughing... and groaning.

So, here goes:
1. "What's in it?" Really?!? Even I knew the answer.
2. Carlos and Jerry could have shared a room. Jerry once stubbed his toe (NO IT WAS NOT BROKEN). He demanded a wheelchair. It was better the next day.
3. Jordan Spieth? Yes, I would have noticed that ass and golf would have momentarily caught my attention. But he lost my when he did that super-macho body slam to celebrate.
4. MORE Tales of the City!!!
5. I love Sesame Street!
6. To hell with the Cheeto.
7. To hell Mississippi's 5th US Circuit Court of Appeals.
8. To hell with the Cheeto's spawn.
9. To hell with Chadwick Moore-or-Less.
10. Bravo to the Congressional Black Caucus.
11. To hell... again... with the Cheeto.
12. To hell with Jason Chaffetz.
Instead of "to hell with" I really wanted to say "fuck 'em all" but I'm too polite.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

My former cat HRH once dislocated a leg about 12 years ago. When we rushed her to the vet, I agree to pay an extra $100 to get an x-ray. My Rare One thought I shouldn't splurge that kind of money on a cat. But I told her that, if she ever dislocated anything, I would gladly pay $100 for an x-ray of HER injury too.

As it turned out, My Rare One fell and dislocated her shoulder last year. And of course our Canadian healthcare system paid for everything, including x-rays. Phew! Saved a hundred bucks!

Harry Hamid said...

"Most gay people, you know, they care about pop music and going to the beach."

I am certain the entire LGBT community is relieved to have him speaking on their behalf about what it is they care about.

I'm just guessing, but wow.

Helen Lashbrook said...

Just about every politician in the world is cut off from reality; here in the UK our MPs couldn't understand why their 11% pay rise last year was unpopular when no-one else has pay-rises of that magnitude (or in a lot of cases no pay-rise at all). And we pay mortgages for their second homes and TVs, computers, wifi, newspapers, expenses (including cleaning out the moat although that was disallowed as I recall)etc., etc..

Will J said...

“Yeah, that’s kinda like spending $20,000 for a day-and-a-half in the hospital because you hurt yourself throwing a bag of leaves in the back of a truck.”

And admit it, Carlos is worth every penny (and more)!

However, as a preventative measure, I'd suggest carefully wrapping Carlos in bubble wrap and sealing it with blue painter's tape.

Bob Slatten said...

@Will J
He is worth it, and more, but I may steal your idea to keep him safe!