Anti-Beauty and the Beast Theater Schedules Drag Film Instead

I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that Disney’s new feature film version of Beauty and the Beast, based on the Broadway musical which was based on the animated film, features Disney’s “first” gay character.

First? Really? What about those dwarves living together in the woods, bathing and sleeping together. Now that’s gay, my friends, that’s gay!

But I digress.

When word got out that a homo character was in the new film, Carol Laney, owner of the Henagar Drive-In in Alabama, dropped the film from her upcoming schedule because, you know, God and The Gays. She made the announcement on the drive-in’s Facebook page:

“We all make choices and I am making mine. For those that do not know, Beauty and the Beast is ‘premiering’ their first homosexual character. The producer also says at the end of the movie ‘there will be a surprise for same-sex couples’. If we cannot take our 11-year-old granddaughter and 8-year-old grandson to see a movie we have no business watching it. If I can’t sit through a movie with God or Jesus sitting by me then we have no business showing it. I know there will be some that do not agree with this decision. That’s fine.”

It’s for the children and God and the Baby Jeebus, y’all.

Laney criticized Disney for, ahem, “forcing their views on us” because there’s a character in the film named Lafou [left]—played by Josh Gad—who is Gaston’s manservant ...

Let that sink in ... Lafou ... manservant. GAY!!

Anyway, Lafou has mixed feelings about Gaston; he wants be Gaston; he wants to kiss Gaston. The film’s director Bill Condon says:

“He’s confused about what he wants. It’s somebody who’s just realizing that he has these feelings. And Josh [Gad] makes something really subtle and delicious out of it. And that’s what has its pay-off at the end, which I don’t want to give away. But it is a nice, exclusively gay moment in a Disney movie.”

Well, a gay moment cannot be shown on a movie screen in Alabama so Laney nixed the idea; but she didn’t nix ordering another film to play at her little not-gay theater in the woods.

Laney scheduled a film called Fierce because, based on the film’s poster, she thought it was a Game of Thrones style film about dragons. 

But it’s not ... it’s a documentary about the International Drag Festival in Texas and features the tagline:

“When life drags you down, drag it up."

Poor Carol Laney was all confused because the poster showed a woman—ahem, a man in drag—surrounded by dragons and this is most definitely not a dragon film.

Carol Laney instantly pulled that film from her schedule, too, because it is not in “her comfort zone.”

Oh Carol, gurrrl, you don’t know what you’re missing. Gay men in musicals and drag queens?

Heaven!

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