Friday, August 28, 2015

PR 14 Ep 4: The One That almost Made Me Give Up On The PR FOREVER-VER-VER-ER-ER-R-R

Heidi greets the designtestants on the runway and says something about a ‘view’ and I begin wondering if they’re going to design some new schemata for Whoopi Goldberg on ‘The View.’

Luckily, I was way off. The designtestants meet Tim Gunn and Mary Kay Global Makeup Artist Luis Casco, on a pier in Long Island City, Queens and I hope they’re all coming together to throw Blake off the dock.

Again … way off. The challenge, as Tim explains it, is that, inspired by New York City and the Mary Kay Modern City Collection — cue product tie-in —t he designers must create a modern spin on an iconic design of their choice. Seems pretty easy, no? Like they can do basically whatever they want and their design will appear in a Mary Kay ad in Marie Claire and they will win $5,000 from Mary Kay.

Well, that’s incentive … let’s rip ….
THE SAFES — clockwise
ASHLEY — it’s pretty … safe. It’s ho-hum and cute but it’s not new, nor does it seem New York; it seems more Connecticut.

EDMOND — he was going to do a jumpsuit, and Tim thought that best, but switched it up for a statement jacket and skirt. It’s nice, well-made and all Edmond, but I can’t help but think a jumpsuit might have landed him Top Three.

JAKE — WTF is this besides something that should have gone in the bottom. It’s a tank dress in sequins with a number made out of construction paper glued on the front and back. Seriously? This is design? Lindsey’s right about Jake, he has no talent.

JOSEPH — and speaking of no talent … a peplum dress? Oh, but it’s crafted from scuba material, just in case Grandma is a diver?

KELLY — she’s a basic White T girl, but in see-through fabrics and leather. It was simple, but cool and totally Kelly.

LAURIE — she said this girl would wear that to work. Really. A lace, see-through skirt slit up to there? At the office? With a frou-frou, throw-all-the-material-you-can-at-it jacket? No. No.

MERLINE — I liked the structure of the coat, but it seemed too hard and too casual for the silky shimmery skirt and top … with the puckering seams.

I’m liking him. I liked his Breakfast at Tiffany’s line: it took place in New York? Or Paris. No. New York. No. Paris.

He likes to Wow, but he also likes some gaudy — as in the shiny silver faux leather he bought and wanted to use as straps on his Breakfast at Tiffany’s inspired Little Black Dress. Luckily, Tim came by and smacked that idea right out of his head, saying it would take the dress from Breakfast at Tiffany’s to Breakfast in Las Vegas.

My favorite part is the element of surprise!

It seems a little too short, but I love the flirty front and the 'Oh no, she bettah don’t' back.

Heidi thought there was a perfect balance between sexy and classy; she loved the styling and called it a showstopper piece. Guest judge, Mad Men actress Kiernan Shipka, thought it was youthful and playful, simple yet interesting. The Adorable Zac Posen™ called it a party girl dress — tough and sexy — and loved the movement of the ruffles; he called it hot and original. Nina Garcia loved all the volume in the front and the spare, bare back; she loved the femininity and drama of it and said that totally captured New York City.

While I thought he had a winner, Swapnil is safe.

She’s got a POV and more than her share of confidence, and I like that. She’s on her game and has no problems telling Tim how much she loves her dress and that, even with immunity, she wants a win this week. That doesn’t sit well with Amanda, who says, under her breath with a side-eye, “Candice’s strategy is too always seem polished and put together and perfect, like she knows everything … when she’s really mediocre.”

Huh. This from a two-time Bottom Feeder to a One-Time Winner? Oh Amanda.

Anyway, Candice wants to pay with something called ‘Princess Seams’ which accentuate a woman’s curves, and she wants to do it out of leather, so it’s like Princess Dominatrix, and then tops it off with a white jacket with black piping.

I definitely think that I’m going to win.

I like the coat, though the fabric seems sheet-like and cheap over the leather dress, which is amazing.

The Adorable Zac Posen™ called it a great signature look, and totally a Candice dress; adding that she nailed it, he also said it was edgy and sexy, with flattering lines. Heidi loved it all, from the jacket, and the way the black piping fed into the seams of the dress, to the leather dress itself; she also loving the styling. Nina loved the sculptural quality of the piece and said it was very New York City; she also loved how the seaming added curves to the model’s body. Kiernan called it fierce and classic and loved the bi-level hemline of the jacket.

Candice should also have won, but came up Safe.

I don’t care for him. The voice, the mannerisms, the Aw shucks I’m so cute and so talented attitude. I don’t like him. And I don’t like that he acted like he couldn’t tell time because if he can’t, dumb isn't cute, and if he can, then acting dumb is just plain dumb.

Tim is worried about his look — a pencil skirt with a wide skirt effect, or something — and wonders how Blake will attach the two completely different fabrics — one had stretch, one doesn’t — to create the look. Blake murmurs something about … always asked that … know what I’m doing … I’m dumb … or something.

And he cannot finish. He’s sewing at the last minute and then cuts his fingers and bleeds on the dress; solution? Grab some scissors and cutout the bloodstain and then cover it up with a necklace. Good thing he wasn’t in the Mob because he’d have gone to prison after his first hit if that’s how he hides bloodstains.

I feel like my design definitely stands out.

I can hear Michael Kors shrieking, “She looks like she’s pooping fabric.” And even I can see how the awful construction.

Heidi again asked him if he was a High Score or a Low Score; when he said Low, she said, Nope, high. Carlos had to restrain me from kicking out the TV. Seriously. He tackled me and put me in a straitjacket — don’t ask where we got it or what we use it for — for the remainder of Blake’s critique. Heidi said she loved the new shape and silhouette; she told the designers they want ‘new.’ But she did say it looked like the girl was trapped in a parachute — though I guess that makes you a High Score? Kiernan really loved it, and its fun take on a 50s wide skirt, while Nina loved the drama, and the old meets new. She did say, however, that it looked like the back of the dress was being held up by the model’s braid, and I was surprised that it wasn’t. The Adorable Zac Posen™ called it excellent work — and that makes me question keeping his trademark on the blog — and said it had a perfect runway effect. Then he called out the haphazardly cut neckline, free from blood, and actually praised it. He did, though, during the Close-Up inspection, point out how badly made the dress was, but that matters not in Alterna-Runway where badly made gets praised.

Blake.Wins. And it was at this point I broke free from my constraints and ran at the TV again. Damn that Carlos for being so quick. Blake won the 5K and will have this look featured in a  Mary Kay ad in Marie Claire, presumably after he fixes every single fricking puckered seam and badly sewn detail of this ridiculousness.

Okay, she wants to do a take on a pencil skirt, and a shift dress and a full-length blazer. Does that seem to anyone else like a completely insane and impossible idea?

And it must have been because I didn’t see shift dress and I didn’t see full-length blazer. I saw a long pencil skirt crafted from the fabrics of a couch on the Tara set from Gone With The Wind, and a crop top, and the kind of smock an artist might have worn in a movie from the 50s.

It was all WTF all the time.

I really like my looks. She looks pretty and comfortable.

Funny. When we bought a new couch last year I said it was pretty and comfortable, too. Just sayin’.

Heidi liked that it was a lot of pieces, but didn’t like any one of them. The coat swallowed the model, the fabrics were too thick, it was all chopped up and the styling was bad. Zac — , no more “adorable” — said it was not fresh, but more like so four years ago. Nina was more blunt — Goddess love Nina — in saying that she could not understand who this girl was who would wear this mess. The proportions and styling are bad, and sad; she finished with a “Lose the jacket and show us whatever this two-piece thing is.” Kiernan just said it was too heavy.

She had no direction except straight to Safe.

The moment she gets back from Mood she decides she hates all her fabrics. Not good. Then she cries. Not good. Then she dishes on everyone else’s work saying hers is much better. Not good. She’s not sure of her design. Not good. She rants about what the judges want of her. Not good. She calls the other designers horrible. Not good. And she cries. Not good. This might be the end of the runway for Amanda.

Especially when she decides to make a wrap dress, but when wavers and waffles and whines to Tim, who tells her to simply stop thinking about the last challenge and focus on this one, and re-imagine a wrap dress.

She even got a Gunn Hug. Not good.

I’m feeling pretty good. It looks like something a girl living in New York City would actually wear.

Lopsided boobs. And the model looks huge. Not good.

Zac said it wasn’t her finest moment, and called it an unbalanced wrap-dress-slash-toga. It was unoriginal and kind of “Miss Muffet Meh.” Heidi ran with that and called it Mall Maternity and said it looked great … from the neck up. Kiernan thought it might be improved with a lower waistline. Really? Nina said it wasn’t New York, that the styling was awful, and likened it to a Statue of Liberty toga. Um, Miss Liberty is kinda New York, Nina, so she should have gotten points for that? Nina?

Believe it or not it wasn’t the worst thing on the runway, so Amanda, a Bottom Feeder three times now, will live to die another day.

She begins the episode by declaring that she will not be in the Bottom Three … careful, girl. And then she tells us how anal she is, and how she manages every single second of her life so that she’s always moving … and then sits, doing nothing, until she talks to Tim.
Tick tock, Gabrielle, even Blake knows you’re wasting time.

And when Tim does come by, he tells her to focus on the coat — though he said he was intrigued by the open sleeve which seems just weird to me — and so he left Gabrielle saying she was feeling better and inspired.

But unable to use the serger — she doesn't know how to thread it — and no one else seems to know either; or, do they? So, she does not finish the simple white nothing dress underneath the basic black coat with the ruffled sleeves.

I do feel like this garment represents me.

The open sleeves look like they’re coming off; the dress is a mess. And this represents her? Oh my.

When she told the judges she added a pop of pink to the dress as an homage to Mary Kay, they asked to see it. Big mistake, because she had to take off the coat to see it—a piece of shredded pink fabric at the sleeve — and Zac instantly called it less than a pop of color and more of a smidgen; not good. He called out the awful hem — Gabby blamed her scissors, while I blamed the Tea Pot and the Candlesticks — and called it chewed up. Heidi said it was sad and old-fashioned, and hated … hated … the dress. Nina said forget about the bad construction what about the bad proportions of a too-short coat and a too-long dress? She called it awkward and mumsy and said it had no shape. Kiernan said the jacket was fun, and during the Close-Up, when she tried it on, it fit her nicely, had good proportions, so, yeah, there’s that, I guess. It ended with Zac during the Close-Up calling the dress one of the worst made pieces he’s ever seen on the PR … since Blake’s parachute dress. I thought?

Even though her look was as badly constructed as Blake’s, it was old and mumsy and Gabrielle was Auf’d.

Kiernan Shipka is fifteen??? What the heck? Why not troll a grade school looking for judges, Heidi? I mean, she was cute and nice, but her word of choice was ‘fun.’

Edmond. Gosh, Still adorable … wait … The Adorable Edmond™? That could work.

And what was with Gabrielle's make-up and hair on the runway? She looked pasty and sweaty and pale, so maybe it's best she was sent home before she got really sick?

Now, Blake winning. I know the judges say this isn’t a sewing contest but a design competition, but when you smack Gabrielle hard for a bad dress, but then reward Blake for one—even if his was a better design — it just seems odd. His dress was wonky and badly made and, well, let’s let Joseph bring it home:
“Blake’s dress is just held together with chewing gum and spit.”
And hope, I guess.

Swapnil, fitting his low-back dress on the model: “This is not your crack … right here?”

So, who’s at The Tents? Edmond, in my dreams and in reality. Maybe Ashley, though she’s falling. Swapnil. Candice. Kelly. Laurie?

Jake is awful; Joseph is mumsy. Lindsey is dull. Amanda will probably go next week. Blake is just there to annoy every single person on the planet within the sound of his obnoxious voice …. I’ll stop before Carlos comes at me with the straitjacket again.

What did YOU think? 


Miss Lisa said...

Perhaps the show has it in for Mary Kay Cosmetics? My only explanation. Obviously they want Blake around to annoy everyone and make their heads implode (see Candice when they announced the winner). Mission accomplished!

Bob Slatten said...

@Miss Lisa
That was my first thought because ... WTF other reason could there be??!??!?!

Anonymous said...

Everything about this post was on point. I literally hate blake, I don't know why he's still in the competition because his dress making skills are so poor!

the dogs' mother said...

Blake took a modern twist and sent himself
back in time to put together a bustle.

I'm okay with The Adorable Edmond (TM) :-)

Gabrielle went to Parsons. She should have
been able to set up a serger in a couple seconds.

Next week - paintball battle???

Susan said...

I recognize the Blake annoyance factor, although he doesn't get to me quite on the level he gets to you, Bob. And yes, I was surprised he won, because I felt Candice's creation was beautiful and so well-made. My only explanation for what happened is—and I am trying to put aside any sarcastic tendencies—the judges were basing their decision on a design they felt was original regardless of the sewing issues. I don't recall this happening in the past, so they must have really been impressed with that design!

Professor Chaos said...

I'm a few episodes behind, but I a;ready can't stand Blake either. That little head-tilt thing he does when he thinks he's being cute? Ugh!

Bob Slatten said...

Yeah, they said they chose Blake because he had "design" but I still can't help but think that Candice and Swapnil had "design" too AND well-constructed garments.

The head tilk, the voice, the smirk, it all makes my blood pressure rise.

Biki Honko said...

The Adorable Edmond™ I like it!
How about Sexy Swapnil™? There is something about his eyes.... What was i saying? Oh yeah....

After sitting here for quite a while the very worst adjective that I can come up with for Blake, is The GOP Blake. He is the worst of the stereotypes PR has ever had on the show. I just wanna slap him, and keep slapping him until he drops the fake and lets his true personality show.

I think both Swapnil and Candice were robbed. Either of their looks were sharp, on point AND well made.

Did you get the feeling that Tim is going to use his save on Gabrielle?

Helen Lashbrook said...

Blake's dress looked like his model had been shopping at a store that dishes up blue bags for you to take your groceries home in - not a good lok

Bob Slatten said...

I'd forgotten that about Gabrielle. I was so sure Tim was gonna save her and I started to get up and hit the TV, but Carlos stopped me again.

Mark in DE said...

Blake's dress was a good concept with poor construction. Candace's dress AND jacket were a good concept AND good construction. So, WTF??? Why did Blake win??? I had to rewind the DVR to make sure I didn't hear them wrong. I'm really liking Swapnil too. He's got some nice designs and I like that he's obviously gay, but not in the completely annoying way that Blake is obviously gay.