Friday, August 07, 2015

PR 14 Ep 1: Let The Games Begin

Okay, so it’s Episode One of the fourteenth season of Project Runway. Who’da thunk it? Let’s hope we have a season of drama and design, hijinks and high fashion, catfights and cat suits.

We begin as the sixteen designtestants show up to Madison Square Garden to meet Heidi and Tim … I based my initial first episode, one-shot opinions on what they said, and how they looked because, you know, I’m shallow like that. But we’ll see if I change my tune or if I’m right …

Heidi and Tim have scattered Mood fabrics throughout MSG and the designtestants will have three minutes to scurry like rats and grab at least four …. But no more … choices of textiles they will use to create a look that gives the judges their Point-of-View. As Heidi shouts ‘Go,’ the designtestants scatter, grabbing fabric from the seats and from the hands of their competitors. Luckily, at that point, no one cried, and no one got hurt.

In the workroom, Tim stops in for his first ‘Hello,’ and points out the new Just Fab™ accessory wall, the Brother™ sewing room and the Brother™ garment printer — I have no idea what that does exactly, but I’m thinking it will be a good thing.

So, we’re back, we have our designers, we have Heidi and Tim, along with Nina Garcia and The Adorable Zac Posen™ … so let’s rip ….

CANDICE ... my first thought is ‘Cartoon Morticia.’ My first thought of her runway look is off-kilter peplum, and since I loathe peplum, a crooked one will never do.

LAURIE seems a little uptight to me, at first glance, though I’m also getting Lupita Nyong'o, which I like. Her first dress, however, gave a little too va-jay-jay a-jay-cent, if you know what I mean.

LINDSEY is too fond of herself, and doesn’t seem to think anyone is worthy of her talent, which is shocking because her first look reeked of 1940s drab underwear. Sad, drab, underwear.

AMANDA is back, and I had no idea she’d ever been on the PR until the flashback; and I don’t see why she was allowed to return because she’s highly unmemorable. And then she has the nerve to do a handkerchief hem? Oh honey, no … no. This looks like mall wear.

SWAPNIL has gorgeous eyes and a beautiful accent, and I must say I got the vibe that he would be a giant bitchy talentless diva just from his appearance … and five seconds later I changed it to, ‘He seems nice.’ That’s not to say, however, that he won’t turn bitchy, He made a pretty dress; that’s all, it’s pretty. But his model is fiercely fabulous, so maybe he’ll be inspired.

DAVID gave me accent and a lot of teeth, but not much more; he was scarcely there. And that caftan? I got Snuggie from it … designer Snuggie, but Snuggie nonetheless.

JOSEPH kinda reminds me of every pudgy bald designer that’s ever been on the PR, which isn’t saying much.  And there isn’t much to say about his pencil-skirt-and-crop-top combo except that it’s been done and done and done before.

KELLY gave me tough girl, mean girl, street girl. I’m afraid. I think she could be dangerous, except she gives up lopsided boob and handkerchief hem on the runway. WTF? My cat Consuelo could be more creative and she doesn't even have opposable thumbs!

JAKE kinda reminded me of Mondo, in the way he looks and dresses, but not in his designs. He had a gorgeous fabric and turned it into a dull, yet stiff, dress.

GABRIELLE ... I’d like to say I have an opinion of her, but, seriously, even when her look walked the runway — and I thought it had good bits, nice movement, if ill-fitting — I had no idea how she got there.

And we have our first crush; I thought he was adorable, and street and urban and funny, and then, when the baseball cap came off … bald. Hot. Hot.

Edmond has auditioned for the PR every single year and finally made it through. I hope that doesn’t mean he’ll have a limited run. He says he designs for the fashion rebel, but his look is bad, really bad. Tim says it doesn’t match his aesthetic at all, and called his look dreary.

Edmond is crushed, but starts over.

I mean, she’s killin’ it.

Very simple, but noticeable, and sexy and sleek.

Nina called it polished and chic, and dramatic; she said she could see his POV, and loved the fit of the dress. The Adorable Zac Posen™ thought it beautifully made but not new or revolutionary; he was not wowed. Guest judge, and Project Runway: Juniors host, Hannah Davis said it was sexy, but she hated the neon lining, calling it a club dress with a train. Heidi loved both the train and the pop of color.

Well-made, and a strong POV gets you In.

Oh, lordy lordy lordy, can this girl talk. If I was in that workroom, I would have stitched her yap shut during Minute One. She sings; she rhymes; she talks to herself and everyone else. And, she doesn’t get much done, which Tim points out when he stops by.

He also points out that the fabric many designers use to create a mock-up of their look is ‘muslin,’ not ‘Muslim,’ as Merline kept saying. And, she gets an On My Nerve point for saying, ‘They call him Tim Gunn because he’s Tim Gunn.’

Calling Captain Obvious.

My garment is an example of what I envision for the future

It’s oddly boxy, yet curvy. I don’t care much for the color, but it is something new.

Nina loved her architectural POV, and called the look strong and powerful. Hannah Davis loved the cool cut-out at the hip and the play on a man’s tuxedo tails in the back. The Adorable Zac Posen™ thought it was constructed very well and loved the sophisticated curves, while Heidi loved that it was different.

Different keeps you In.

Although she was the Season 14 First To Cry winner, I adore her; she’s big and bold and beautiful and all kinds of fabulous.

She also makes wise choices and asks good questions, because her first look was to have been a long, um, turd brown colored skirt, until Tim suggested she use the big bold beautiful pattern fabric she also had. And, she was smart enough to borrow another fabric — full of cutout holes — to make a cute backless crop top.

I definitely feel my dress tells my point-of-view.

Cool and chic cruisewear; it was fun and bold and beautiful. Again, I love Ashley.

Nina called it bold — Nina and I think alike — and ambitious, and loved that Ashley was the only designer to use texture and a good print. Hannah said it was her favorite, though she said the crop –top could have been cropped a bit more. The Adorable Zac Posen™ called it playful and chic, feminine but not girly; he loved that Ashley can really sew, and loved the way she pleated the skirt. Heidi liked that it seemed new and unexpected and ‘super fun.’

Big and bold and beautiful gets the win.

She’s funny. I mean, in her first confessional, she says she’s from New York City, but she was ‘made in China.’ I spit out my tea! But, she also doesn’t like to listen, and told us as much when Tim questioned her droopy unstructured look.

I think she’s be like Sandhya from last season, and just never listen, and just never learn. But she's just so cute and like a pet that I wanna find a shoebox to keep her in … though I’ll be sure to poke holes in the lid so she can breathe.

Even the fabric I don’t like, but I think it works out.

I get David Byrne in a Talking Heads “Big Suit.”

The Adorable Zac Posen™ appreciated the play on volume and asymmetry but said it looked like a tablecloth, and was the wrong fabric to try to do something structured. Heidi wondered who would wear it and Hanmiao suggested a twenty-year-old, at which point Heidi needed to be restrained. Hannah called it a maternity look, and Nina called it a Monk look, what with the Jesus sandals and all; she did however, get Hanmiao’s POV.

A strong POV kept her In.

He’s the obnoxious gay, who thinks he’s fabulous simply because he’s gay, and talks like a wounded bird. I am not a fan.

And for a skinny little queer boy he has a giant ego because, after the first hour, when he’s slapped some fabric on a mannequin, he thinks he has a winner … until Tim comes by and tells him the fabric isn’t draping well and some of the pleats look like they are meant to be used as, um, ‘receptacles.’

I’m liking how it is moving down [the runway[ with the flow in the back.

It’s a Ringling Brother’s Hot Mess.

Heidi asked if he thought he had a high score and he said ‘Yes’; she said ‘No,’ and pointed out the awful sewing and the puckered seams; she hated the yellow lining, and ended by calling it a troubling mess. The Adorable Zac Posen™ said if he wanted to do theatrical, he needed to commit. Hannah said her eyes didn’t know where to look, and I suggested she look at a different model; she ended up calling it clownish. Nina said there was a lot of print, a lot of funny draping, a lot of stuff going on; she hated the yellow lining and called the whole look tortured; she did, however, say she liked more ideas from a designer than no ideas at all.

I guess having too many ideas keeps you In.

A ginger Kiwi, and y’all know I love a man with an accent. But Duncan does menswear … uh oh … and just finished design school … uh oh … and picked a hideous salmon colored fabric … uh oh … and then he wants to drape it though he’s never done draping before … uh oh.

Tim did say he liked the ease of the drapes, and called it sophisticated, but worried that the fabric wouldn’t keep to Duncan’s shaping and draping.

Pink was the right choice for me.

Is it on backwards? I mean, the back has a neckline and some sex appeal, but the front just looks like a silky curtain panel from Anna’s Linens™.

Hannah said she finds draping sexy … but not here, because there was just too much fabric. The Adorable Zac Posen™ said the high-necked front might have worked had there been more of an open back; he dubbed it Charmeuse Obi Wan Kenobi. Heidi thought it badly constructed, like a badly hemmed curtain, and said it looked like she made it. Nina thought it too ambitious, to unfinished, too horrid a color. She ended by saying that newly minted Duncan has no POV and no confidence in his work.

No POV? You’re Auf’d.

Not a bad first episode; there are some good designers, which is nice, and some good characters, which is good for a reality show.

But … how in the ever-lovin’ Hell did David, Swapnil and Merline  think that the PR would provide them with anything other than room and board, and workroom? Not one of them brought a tool kit—scissors, measuring tape, rulers.  Swapnil said he misunderstood, but you just know the PR producers spell out every single thing the designtestants need to do and bring with them. David just shrugged,. And Merline said her luggage weighed too much so she left her tool kit behind. Maybe she was running her mouth so much that when she said leave my tool kit she meant to say leave my tooth brush.

Merline might have won, in my mind, had she chosen a better color for her look; i liked the outfit, but hated the color; perhaps if she closed her mouth and opened her eyes?

Lines of the Night:

Swapnil, as everyone runs through MSG for fabrics: “Everyone’s running around like they’re getting free food.”

Laurie, as Merline continues to chatter: “I’m’a need her to start cutting so she can be quiet.”
Edmond is cute; Ashley is fabulous.

And then …. 

There’s one Gregory Patterson, the lead stylist for Sally Beauty. Let’s edit some of that down a bit, m’kay, and leave it at: Gregory Patterson. Lead beauty. Yum.

So, what did YOU think?


the dogs' mother said...

Missed having Daughter to watch it with - but The Engineer stepped in and watched the outcome. Pretty much agree with you. And NO tools?? What the hey? Did they cast it so fast that people skipped reading the paperwork and sign on the dotted line? Need my Swatch sighting so hope they go to Mood next week. And Hallmark? Paper clothes... Hmmm.

Mark in DE said...

Fab job on the recap, as usual. I liked Duncan and thought his dress was WAY less offensive than Hanmiao's hot mess of a house coat. I wish Duncan had another chance to show us something else. And yes, I'm hoping to see more of Gregory Patterson. He could 'make it work' for sure!!

Susan said...

You are so funny, Bob. When Gregory Patterson came on screen I said out loud, Holy Hell. I mean, that guy was the best-looking thing on the entire show!:)

As for the outcome, I was OK with it although there were a few others I wouldn't have minded seeing the last of. But at least as a group they are not as annoying as last year's crop—thank the Lord!

Biki Honko said...

Great re-cap, as usual. I adore Ashely! Unless she falls off the fashion wagon, I'd love to see her win. Edmond is yummy, but I hope his fashion steps up a bit from the usual to the fabulous. Merline has chops, but to not know how to say muslin, and to leave her tools at home, is worrying to say the least.

Gregory Patterson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gregory Patterson said...

IM BLUSHING YOU ALL!!! Thank you for all the kindness on this blog... Geeeesh!!!!