Okay, so I figured The View, which is losing co-hosts almost as fast as they’re losing viewers, couldn’t dig up a crazier co-host than Sherri Bible-Thumper Shepherd, who once famously claimed that because she believed every word in the Bible, she wasn’t sure that the Earth wasn’t flat — I guess my Bible missed the chapter on Flat Earth. And I kinda wished she’d tried to prove her point by walking to the edge of Earth and jumping off.
And then The View hired Jenny McCarthy who hasn’t uttered a coherent sentence in her entire life, and thinks bug-eyes and guffaw teeth are comedy gold, and Rite-Aid readers are a sign of intelligence.
The show bounced those two, and replaced them with Nicole Wallace, the token GOP, Rosie Perez, the token Latina, and Rosie O’Donnell, the token gay or the token crazy. Rosie O left the show a couple of months in because her third Minute-Marriage was ending, and so The View began auditioning co-hosts and this week they announced that they’d scraped the bottom of the barrel and found one:
Raven-Symoné. I know. They’ve replaced Dumb and Dumber, and lesbian, with, well, here are a few things Raven has said while auditioning:
“I never said I wasn’t black, I said I wasn’t African American — to me that’s a difference. Thank you to Ancestry.com for sending me my DNA test … I am from every continent in Africa except for one and I’m also from every continent in Europe except for one.”
All together now: Africa is made up of many continents, and so is Europe. And someone, please send Raven a book of maps.
Then there was the time she took some guy from Univision to task for comparing Michelle Obama to an ape:
“Michelle, don’t fire me from this right now, but some people look like animals. I look like a bird. So can I be mad if somebody calls me Toucan Sam?”
WTF? She doesn’t even get the idea of that racist Univision remark? She should’a traveled to that last continent on Africa and taken a class or something.
For her part, Raven said this about her new job:
“The Disney Company has made another one of my dreams come true! Being a part of ‘The View’ family will be a wonderful growing experience for me. The cast and crew are warm and welcoming and has made the transition into daytime talk easier. I have a lot to learn within this new arena, but being the apprentice of these spectacular women will only make me a better person and talk show host. I want to thank ABC, ABC News and The Disney Company for believing in me and my potential! Let’s have some fun!”
Um, before fun, howsabout a little education? A little thinking before you speak? Oh hell, she’ll stay because the show needs stupid … and because they haven’t announced yet who the fifth co-host might be.
I’d like to suggest a friend of mine I call Cancellation.