Who Do I Hafta F**k To Get A Decent Senator For South Carolina? Part Three: Senator Kevin Bryant

Down here in South Carolina, where it’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity, and where we are trying to take the ‘duh’ away from Flori-duh, comes the story of a South Carolina state Senator, who apparently doesn’t have a single active brain cell in his head.

But let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

Earlier this year eight-year-old Olivia McConnell wrote her state representatives to suggest that since South Carolina doesn’t have a state fossil — and before you ask, no, Nikki Haley doesn’t count — and she thought we should have one.

And Olivia decided that she needed a legitimate reason to suggest this besides liking fossils, so she came up with three:

1. One of the first discoveries of a vertebrae fossil in North America was on an South Carolina plantation when slaves dug up wooly mammoth teeth from a swamp in 1725.
2. All but seven states have an official state fossil.
3. “Fossils tell us about our past.”

And she sent her reasons in a letter to South Carolina State Representative Robert Ridgeway and state Senator Kevin Johnson, both Democrats, asking them to sponsor a bill to officially make the Wooly mammoth — and again, not Nikki Haley — our state fossil:

“Please work on this for me. Your friend, Olivia.”

Ridgeway liked the idea, saying it showed the children of the state how government works, and how they can have a say-so in what happens here. So, Ridgeway and Johnson filed two bills to make the Wooly Mammoth the official state fossil.

The bill passed the House with overwhelming support, but then it hit the state Senate where Senator Kevin Bryant, a Republican, pharmacist and self-described born-again Christian who once likened President Obama with Osama bin Laden, who helped block funding for a rape crisis center, who calls climate change a “hoax,” and blocked evolution, EVO-freaking-LUTION, from the state’s science standards — saying “I don’t have a problem teaching theories. I don’t think they should be taught as fact.” — proposed amending the bill, a legislative government bill, to include three verses from the Book of Genesis detailing God’s creation of the Earth and its living inhabitants, including mammoths.

See, God made mammoths and that should be in the bill.

 “I think it’s a good idea to designate the mammoth as the state fossil, I don’t have a problem with that. I just felt like it’d be a good thing to acknowledge the creator of the fossils.”—Kevin Bryant

And when Bryant’s proposed amendment was ruled out of order by Lt. Governor Glenn McConnell, on a technicality — it introduced a new subject — Bryant then submitted a more on-topic amendment, describing the Columbian Mammoth “as created on the Sixth Day with the beasts of the field.”

So, for now, the bill is on hold, and Olivia McConnell is getting a lesson in South Carolina state politics:

It’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity of folks like Bryant and Fair, the two biggest fossils in the statehouse.

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