I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

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Now that her Oprah Winfrey reality show docu-series is over, it looks like Lindsay Lohan is panhandling for loose change.

And if you’re somewhat of a celebrity, that means doing the talk shows, where Lohan appeared this week on Ellen to say:

“I speak to her almost every day, and she’s just…she’s been so amazing to me. Just, you know, for everything, even before the show was coming out”

First off, you know that’s a lie. Take a walk over to the OWN website and look at their ‘Featured TV Show’ page and there is no mention of Lindsay so you know Big O ain’t rolling over to take that call.

I imagine Lohan in some drug-crazed, booze-addled blur, seeing Oprah on TV and she starts talking to the screen and counts that as conversation.

Just sayin’.

Boy oh boy, did Graydon Carter and Vanity Fair mess up that whole Gwyneth Paltrow conscious uncoupling mess … Gimme a sec, I laugh so hard I snort when I type the words ‘conscious uncoupling’ because obviously for Dame Gwynnie — a name she probably calls herself when she combs her weave at the top of her ivory tower — separation and divorce are for peasants.

Anyhoo, the New York Daily News is saying that Graydon had the scoop on the Gwynnie-Chrissy separation and that Paltrow  got Carter to bury it by offering him a free $2300 t-shirt from Goop … or something.

Poor Graydon’s probably kicking himself for letting the Take Down article slide.

So, there was a story out a few weeks back that Eddie Cibrian — the man who f**ked a married LeAnn Rimes on a movie set while he was still married to Brandi Glanville and then married her — was asking Brandi for child support. I know Brandi leaked the story which made me think it wasn’t true, but then Star magazine has this story:

Eddie and LeAnn are broke. And here’s why …

• LeAnn hasn’t had a hit album since 2007; her most recent, ‘Spitfire’, bombed worse than a Lohan feature film, and her contract with Curb Records is dead and no new deal is in the offing.
• Eddie — who’s basically a pretty boy TV actor — has run through LeAnn’s money like it was his own, buying cars, motorcycles, boats, watches and extravagant trips.
• LeAnn has also been blowing money on plastic surgery; she has ALLEGEDLY gotten abdominal implants to create a six-pack, had her eyes done again, her lips plumped, her breasts done, and she gets fillers and Botox.
• LeAnn is worried that if she doesn’t bring in more money, Eddie will dump her and pick up with a new piece, and she doesn’t dare get pregnant, because the last time Eddie had a pregnant wife he cheated on her … with LeAnn.
• The VH1 reality show Eddie and LeAnn are filming to make some extra dough is making Eddie miserable because, as a friend says, he’s “intensely private” and doesn’t want cameras following him around all day … in case he cheats, you know, again.
• LeAnn has been scrambling to cut costs by wearing the same old clothes she’s been seen in many times before, and she’s said to be thinking of cutting off the allowances she pays both her parents and Eddie’s folks.

I’m thinking one day soon Eddie and LeAnn will be hitting Brandi up for a loan, because she’s got real Housewives money, she’s “written” two best sellers, and soon she’ll be on Celebrity Apprentice, while Eddie and LeAnn are eating Ramen out of Styrofoam cups.

More Gwynnie? You know she’s loving all the attention being consciously uncoupled is bringing her and yet every time she opens her mouth a wee bit of her arrogance falls out and dribbles down her chin like … I’ll leave that to your imagination.

So Paltrow did an interview with E! before she and Chris parted ways, and how she has a tough life being a mommy and a working actress and having a Live Like Me Or Die website and being the new face — I laugh because, seriously? Gwyneth? New face? Maybe two faced — of natural skin care line Restorsea, and she said:

 “I just finished a movie in January that I was doing at the end of last year in London with Johnny Depp, and then I had two weeks here, and then I did a couple of episodes for Glee for the 100th episode. So I have to go back to mommy…I have a rule about one movie a year, so I can’t shoot anything for a while, but I’m developing some material and working on the site [Goop] and raising kids.”

Is that a self-imposed rule, or is that just generally how Hollywood feels about Paltrow? But let’s let Gwynnie dig her own hole:

 “It’s much harder for me. I feel like I set it up in a way that makes it difficult because…for me, like if I miss a school run, they are like, ‘Where were you?’ I don’t like to be the lead [in a movie] so I don’t [have] to work every day, you know, I have little things that I like and obviously I want it to be good and challenging and interesting and be with good people and that kind of thing.”

And stop … She doesn’t like lead roles in movies because no studio wants a Paltrow-driven film because you know it would go straight to VOD. But then Paltrow steps all the way in it:

“I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening. When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”

It must be so hard to be paid millions of dollars working a few weeks a year and having nannies for her kids, eh? And so much harder than a mother who has, say, an office job, where she has to go every single day, and work for pennies compared to a Paltrow check.

Seriously, I think Martin left because the bullsh*t was getting so deep you couldn’t walk into the house.

Remember when Lindsay Lohan “accidentally” left the list of her lovers in a bar a few weeks back? One of the names that wasn’t there—or was blurred out by InTouch for fear of a lawsuit—was Leonardo DiCaprio.

Huh? Lindsay and Leo? What? When? Where? Well, it was back before rehabs 4, 5, 6, and 7, in 2008, when Lindsay was still a cracktress and people still thought she’d get her act together. It was during that time that Lindsay had an on-and-off relationship with Samantha Ronson, but one night Lindsay found herself without Sam and tried to hook-up with Leo. Now, we’ll never know if that actually happened, because even Leo wouldn’t admit to tapping Lohan, but we do know that just last month, Lindsay bluffed her way into an event hosted by Leo, and began acting like a fallen rehab star and Leo had her removed.

An eyewitness — possibly Lohan who was so high she didn’t know she was gossiping about herself — says, “Lindsay wasn’t even invited, but she still showed up. Being a nice guy, Leo allowed her in. [But then] she was whining about everything, like not having a place to sit or not wanting certain people near her… if she doesn’t have all the attention, she throws tantrums. It became such an annoyance; he made a buddy kick her out 15 minutes after she arrived.”

It’s getting bad when Lohan gets kicked out of a party for whining, because in the old days she’d get kicked out for running someone over with her car.

Times.Have.Changed.

So Zac Efron and the band of transients who attacked him when he was in LA’s Skid Row section of downtown not looking to buy drugs …

The “bodyguard” who was with Zac has been telling his side of the story and it’s more far-fetched than a Quentin Tarantino movie. The “bodyguard,” who wishes to remain anonymous, possibly because of his criminal history of drug and violence arrests … go figure … and who is probably, ALLEGEDLY, less bodyguard and more, shall we say, procurer of illegal substances, tells his story:

He says he and Zac were just cruising around Skid Row, you know, for kicks, but then he readjusts the story to say they were going to a sushi restaurant, when the car ran out of gas and rolled to a stop at the bottom of an off-ramp. He says three homeless guys attacked him with a spear-like shank, stabbing him in the face, stomach and chest, and then says Zac jumped out of the car with a vodka bottle in his hand and swung it at the homeless dudes hoping they’d stop stabbing his “bodyguard” and that’s when the cops arrived.

Funny, though, because Zac’s story is that they were looking for “food” when the car broke down, and while waiting for AAA, Zac threw a bottle — a vodka bottle, I heard — out the window, which broke and got glass on a bum who came at the car.

The bodyguard’s story sounds less like a true story and more like a scene from an Arnold Schwarzenegger time-traveling robot movie.

Gurl better get his story straight.

So, let’s dish about the Kim and Kanye Vogue cover, which may or may not have cost him the remainder of his soul sold to Ann Wintour.

Aaron de Mey, who did Kardastrophe’s makeup for the shoot has revealed, wait for it, that baby NorthSouthEast West, did not require any make-up, or even, :::gasp::: foundation for the shoot.

And if that isn’t the height of hilarity, he then said that he  never tried any crazy looks on Kim before deciding on the theme of the shoot because, wait for it :::gasp::: she’s so “naturally gorgeous” and they wanted to highlight that.

That’s Kim Kardastrophe there, looking “natural” a few years ago, and more “natural” now.

And howsabout That Woman?She wants to pose nude for Playboy. I know, I threw up a little lot, too.

A source — and you know it’s That Woman herself — says That Woman feels her body, at age 107, is Playboy ready and thinks everyone wants to see where the Kardastrophes erupted from in glorious Technicolor:

 “Kris has been talking about posing for Playboy magazine for a while now. She’s in the best shape of her life and is keen to show it off. The [:::cough cough::: photo-shopped] bikini shot she posted on Instagram recently was well so received that she’s said, ‘Why not?’”

First we heard the story of That Woman ‘s leaked sex tape — hoping it would generate as much of a “career” bump as it did for her daughter — and now this?

I just can’t with That Woman.

More Zac?

It seems that Zac’s friends — and by friends, I don’t mean bodyguards and drug addicts—are worried sick about him,, after this latest mess. They aren’t buying the Cruising For Sushi story any more than anyone else is because, they say Zac’s a loner who rarely goes out and the idea of him driving to some Skid Row sushi restaurant after midnight is a joke.

Plus, law enforcement sources say that the “bodyguard” was not bleeding at all that night, despite saying he’d been shanked in the face and neck.

The changing of the stories from day to day, minute by minute, only make it looks worse for Zac, especially on the heels of the news that, although he said he was in rehab last year for an “issue” with drugs—like heroin—Efron really just stayed at home and had in-house rehab.

And then, in an ALLEGEDLY drugged out stupor, slipped and broke his jaw.

Zac needs to stop now before he and Lohan get into some sort of cracked-out-death-match struggle for the most inane stories about their drunk and drugged antics.

More Gwynnie? I know, but she’s hot snark this week …

A while back I told y’all about how much her neighbors in London hated her because she was buying up all the houses around her so she could create her own Fortress of Solitude, and how thrilled everyone in the UK was when Gwynnie loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly … Hills, that is …swimming pools and movie stars!

Well, it appears it wasn’t just the Brits who loathe Goop, her new LA neighbors have already had it with her and their main complaint is that Goop and Chris Martin — pre-conscious uncoupling — erected a huge black gate on their property which violated both community standards and zoning laws. The neighbors asked Goop to remove it and she said, “I can’t because the moat night over flow if I do” or something like that.

According to neighbors, right after the Goop-Martins bought the house in 2012, they immediately planted four layers of huge fir trees surrounding the property and installed a huge nine-foot black gate that violated zoning laws. A complaint was filed with the LA Department of Building and Safety, but the gate stays up. The couple should have replaced it with a smaller gate within 45 days or incurred a $900 fine because the height for gates in that area is just 3.5ft … five feet shorter than the one the couple built.

Now, I’d have no problem with a gate if it was built to keep Gwynnie in.

Rihanna has been pretty quiet lately, but then she always stays out of the headlines when she’s boning Drake, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss.

After appearing in the disastrously bad, critically panned, financially bombing, Battleship a few years back, Rihanna has decided she’s still and actress and wants to be taken seriously now. But one place you will never see Rihanna onscreen is in a Tyler Perry movie because she doesn’t consider him capable of boosting her “acting” career, and it seems that the late Whitney Houston has something to do with it.

According to the source, before Houston’s death in 2012, Rihanna met the diva at a party and got her take on Perry’s movies, which include the Madea films, Why Did I Get Married? and the recent Single Moms Club:

“Whitney put her off Tyler by warning her bluntly that ‘Tyler’s films are for fading black stars, not rising ones.’”

Janet Jackson, say what?

Still, Rihanna picked the “role” in Battleship  to launch her career, so, yeah, there’s that.

More Lohan? Always!

It seems that, while shopping at Rag & Bone in Soho, Lohan actually wanted to pay for her clothes and not just slip them into an oversized duffle and make a dash for the door.

Big mistake. Huge.

Her credit cards — yes, cards — were declined; every one of them. Luckily a friend stepped in to pay the $300 because otherwise Lohan might have been charged a restocking fee, too.

I guess that 2 million O gave her is already gone?

It seems that Nickelodeon star Jennette McCurdy got into a little hot water with the network this week  when photos of her clad in her underwear were “leaked’ to the internet.

Sources say it was her one-time, short-term, boyfriend, basketball player Andre Drummond who leaked the photos because Jennette says she took the selfies but only sent them to “one person.”

Jennette, who stars on the network’s Sam & Cat show with Ariana Grande, is not a child, though — she recently turned twenty-one — but Nickelodeon has halted production on her show in the wake of the photo mini-scandal.

Not so, though, says, Jennette, who was noticeably absent from the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards last weekend. She Tweeted her fan—I kid, she’s probably got at least two—to say she boycotted the show because of some drama between her and Nickelodeon and not because her Kitten With A Whip selfie.

She’s renegotiating her deal for the second season and wants to get paid as much as Grande so she decided that since the network is balking at her request, she’d park her thong-wearing butt at home.

And the truth is that Nickelodeon should give her a huge raise because until I saw that picture I had no idea what a Jennette McCurdy was , or even what a Sam & Cat was, so her little sexy pictures raised her Q rating, no?

I mean, isn’t that what we learned from the Kardastrophes? No talent, no problem; leak sexy pictures or videos and a career ye shall have!