Lindsay Ep 5: Do Not Disturb

This week show is about how Lindsay wants a job because she thinks working keeps her sane and sober. M’kay. Ask the producer of Georgia Rule who wrote an open letter to the LA papers about Lohan’s antics while she was working for him. Or, ask Paul Schrader who sat down for an interview and talked about Crazy Lohan when she worked for him on The Canyons.

Get the picture? Work does not keep her sane.

As the show starts we hear Lindsay whining to her friend and life coach, AJ, about how no one is working to get her any roles, but that she is doing all the work and these other people take her money; she says she’s trying to get a role in producer Randall Emmett’s next film Inconceivable because no one else wants to see her.

Wondering why? Read that first paragraph: it’s Lohan’s reputation, not lazy agents who are keeping the phone from ringing.

AJ says, "Lindsay is riddled with fear. She desperately is an artist at heart ... and to not be able to express that in a way she's known for and loves, it's imprisoning."

Lindsay, in her own words, says, "People don't want to hire me because I'm a flight risk."

Um, duh. So maybe take a little responsibility and accountability for your actions, eh? Oh, silly readers, not this episode, and not this Lohan.

But Lindsay does get a call from a Sony executive, DeVon Franklin, which was set up for her by her friend AJ, and after the conversation, Lindsay says they prayed together and then she cries and AJ cries, and Mama Dina sets down her chardonnay and cries.

This DeVon Franklin could be the one to get Hollywood thinking Lindsay Lohan is the next best thing since Little Lindsay Lohan. But we’ve better things to do because, while the apartment is still crammed floor to ceiling with Lindsay’s clothes and shoes, glasses and bags, her furniture is set to arrive today and floor space has to be cleared.

So, Lindsay decides to sell some of her clothes, and luckily enough she lives right above a high-end consignment shop that will take on some of her more gently used, and hopefully clean, clothes. First Assistant Matt Harrell takes boxes to the shop for her, but when Lindsay, Dina and AJ come down, all Lindsay wants to do is shop there, for more clothes. And she ends up owing the store money because she spent more than the clothes she sold them were worth.

That’s smart money management. Make room, take up room; make money, spend money.

And before you can say Hoarders, a truck arrives with more of Lindsay's belongings, mostly furniture, but also a lot of clothes. Matt is organizing it all, as Lindsay is upstairs, not on camera, asleep. Matt goes through boxes, asks where the furniture is, and sets aside more spots for clothes until he receives a text from  Lindsay — from her room down the hall­ — asking that the camera crews leave. Matt tells director Amy Rice to "pull everyone out" of the apartment. "Now."

Lindsay finally gets up, and finally allows a camera back inside as she and her houseguest and friend — though she’s quick to say, not a boyfriend — model Liam Dean look at all her stuff, and Lindsay pouts because a white couch isn’t there among the 20+ boxes that have arrived.

And so she asks that the new boxes of clothes be sent back downstairs and back onto the truck because she wants her couches; and some bedding. And she sends Matt to go ask the movers if there's a box of bedding in the truck, which is now all packed up again and headed back to storage before it ends up in Dina’s garage; the movers say they will not unload the entire truck again just to find a fitted sheet.

Snap.

AJ, while this kerfuffle is going on, sets up a little sitting area and lights candles because nothing says serene like scented candles and a leather chaise in a room full of moving boxes. And that sparks a conversation about why Lindsay sleeps, or stays in her room, so late; she says she’s meditating, trying to find some inner peace, and has the balls, and they have to be some big balls, to say this to AJ:

"When I'm left to my own devices ... I do the right things on my own. It's when I feel judged and have other voices coming in ... I feel pressure."

Uh huh. But AJ ain’t playing and she confronts Lindsay with the news that Dina has told AJ that Lindsay had been drinking at dinner one night and let’s stop …

 Drunken DUI Dina Loahn throws her own daughter under the Alcohol Bus on a show that is supposed to show us Lindsay’s battle to stay sober? Way to stay classy, Dina; maybe now you can talk about the time you were coked up in the limo and got into a fight with your daughter?

Back to our regularly scheduled car wreck … Even while admitting there was wine in the apartment — and keeping in mind that Second Assistant Hollie was fired last week for just drinking around Lindsay — Lohan gets all pissy:

"I was not drinking, and this is something I don't feel comfortable discussing on camera. I thought you, of all people, as a friend, would tell me that in private. ... I would have appreciated if you would have told me one-on-one first."

"You mad at me?" A.J. asks.

"No, I'm not mad," Lindsay says with that crooked Lohan grin.

And the next day, Lindsay heads out to LA, where she will stay with AJ and take a meeting with DeVon Franklin that AJ set up. But, true to form,  Lindsay doesn’t speak to AJ the entire week — she says she just turned her phone off ... Lindsay Lohan turned off her phone — and she oversleeps for the 12:30 PM meeting she had planned with Franklin.

And the tabloids had a field day while Lindsay was in LA with a photo of her where she seems to be reaching for a bottle. Not true, Lohan snaps! She says she was running late to catch her flight and she was reaching for her bag that was right next to the bottle.

Uh huh. Except that Lohan does admit that a month earlier, when she’d been out of rehab about three weeks, she had wine with dinner, but it was only because a guy she was dating that maybe she shouldn’t have been dating was drinking and so it’s all his fault. Right?

Back in New York, Lindsay finally meets AJ for dessert, and AJ ain’t happy Lindsay blew off her friend. She tries to get Lindsay to talk about her trip, what she did, who she saw, anyone new, but Lindsay smiles that crooked smile and bolts outside for a cigarette and a chance to complaining to Mat that AJ is always pushing.

"This is my first experience with her in blowing me off," A.J. says "That's gotta stop."

But it doesn’t; the next day Lindsay refuses to meet with AJ and AJ, like sober coach Michael Cormier, is out.

Lindsay, sitting on her leather chaise, surrounded by AJ’s scented candles, can only say, "She was a guiding light. And I felt like she maybe disrespected me by asking me things on camera. All in all, she was a blessing in disguise."

And pushed out.

Next week: all hell breaks loose.