I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh, hell to the No-prah. Lindsay Lohan took a giant payday and then failed to deliver as promised though she kept the money?

Indeed, it's true; Lindsay Lohan has turned out to be a losing bet for Oprah’s OWN network because, not only did her reality show docu-series fail to score big ratings — in fact it was often trumped by SpongeBob Squarepants — now an OWN insider — either Gayle King or Oprah's personal cupcake feeder—says:

"Lindsay agreed to be authentic and give the cameras full access to her life, but she didn’t. Instead, she didn’t film when she agreed to, did almost no publicity for the show and was drinking since almost day one of filming.”

And so now it looks like the once in-the-works Season Two of Lindsay will never, ever happen. See, the Big O was planning on renewing Lindsay’s reality show  docu-series if it turned out to be a success, but even the premiere was a bust, seen by just 700,000 viewers, which may seem like a lot, until you realize that reruns of The Big Bang Theory — re-effing-runs — average about 4 million viewers.  Lindsay was more like infomercial numbers, though most people ain’t buying what she’s selling.

And so it sounds like soon-to-be-out-of-work Lindsay can keep doing the sit-com-guest-shot career, though she might wanna hurry because her last appearance, on CBS’ 2 Broke Girls, was their lowest-rated episode of the season. In fact, as I saw promos several times before that 2BG episode aired, and not once was the name Lindsay Lohan uttered as a guest star; you only got a brief glimpse of her.

Huh. Sounds like just another day in her, ahem, career.

The Tale of Two Rings.

After consciously uncoupling last month from Gwyneth 'Is This My Head Or Is It A Macy's Parade Balloon' Paltrow, Chris Martin went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame without his wedding ring on and apparently had a grand time. 

Meanwhile, Poor Gwynnie is traipsing all over LA flashing her wedding band, like she's trying to make it seem like Chris is the one who wanted to uncouple, and boasting to pals that she STILL has Martin wrapped around her finger, and if she wanted him back, she'd have him back.

But Chris is telling friends that Gwyneth is so self-involved that she believed she was more evolved than him, and so she could better emotionally handle screwing other men while maintaining the picture of a happy marriage to her public.

My take: they've both been banging whomever they've wanted to for years only now, from what I hear, though rumor has it that Chris Martin might have actually fallen in love with one of his trysts and that sparked the uncoupling.

Uncoupling. It still makes me giggle.

Shortly after Johnny Weir returned from the Sochi games, everything fell apart in his marriage in spectacular fashion. Chronologically, just before Weir left for the Olympics, his husband Victor Voronov accused him of assault, only to drop the charges, and that was when Johnny announced they were splitting up.

Then it got crazy. Johnny and Victor both lobbed accusations at one another; Johnny claimed Victor assaulted him, and added that Victor was trying to blackmail him with some old nude photos of Johnny that Victor had taken; and there was talk of emotional abuse, and who got the purses and, well, it was a mess.

I say was, because now, unlike Gwynnie and Chris, Johnny and Victor are consciously recoupling.

Over the weekend Victor and Johnny agreed to reconcile and Johnny plans to move back into the family home this week, though there are some strings; Victor wants Johnny to sign a document agreeing to publicly apologize for all the nasty things he said about Victor, and Johnny must also agree in writing that he will no longer let his mother meddle in the marriage and will her nose out of their finances.

It's a post-pre-nup, I guess.

Dina's guilty, y'all. Yup, earlier this week Dina Lohan set down her box of wine long enough to appear in court and admit to being a drunk who drives.

Shocking though, that unlike her daughter she didn't find a way to blame it on literally everyone else, including, but not limited to, Franzia, the city of New York, the Long Island Expressway, any and all cars ever made, or me.

Since it was Dina's first DUI, the judge gave her 100 hours of community service and she’ll have to take a DUI class, though, if she's anything like Lindsay she won't do either and then go to court with the words 'F**k you' painted on her talons.

Her license was also revoked, and an interlock will be put in her car and she’ll have to pay a bunch of fines, so hopefully Lindsay can scam another TV show into giving her a guest shot because all that Oprah money is gone and Mama needs to stay out of the Big House.

Miley Cyrus had to cancel a concert in Kansas City this week because she was rushed to the hospital with an :::cough cough::: “allergic reaction”  to some antibiotics she was on, and not any kind of drug or alcohol related issue no matter what anyone says.

Now, who would like to buy a bridge?

The hospitalization comes on the heels of Miley's beloved dog, Floyd, dying, and then her Mama sending a new dog in to take the place of the old one without bothering to get an identical dog so Miley would never be the wiser. Sheesh, has this woman never seen The Brady Bunch? You always replace a dead pet with an identical looking one so no one knows Floyd died.

But, Miley knew it wasn't the same dog so she instantly gave it away and then ALLEGEDLY partied away her pain which lead to "antibiotic allergies."

Still, while Miley may have been rushed to the hospital because of a reaction to antibiotics, it seems the reason she was on the meds in the first place was because she wore herself down by partying extra hard since her dog was taken to a farm where he could run around in an open meadow. 

Yeah; that's easier to buy than an allergic reaction to penicillin.

I don’t watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta because those women are so trashy, but every so often I peek in on the reunion show to watch all the drama balled up into a neat little package.

Well, this seasons’ reunion might be better than a Jersey Table Flip because it seems that one of the “housewives,” Porsha Stewart [right] found herself arrested for assault after attacking Twirling Kenya Moore [left] during a reunion taping.

And Andy Cohen who never met drama he didn’t want to sign to a contract, says:

“To me, it came out of nowhere. The other women felt that Kenya kind of provoked her a little bit and was provoking her. I think I was just so shocked and so surprised, and I was just really upset. I don’t want that happen. I think it’s gross, and I think it’s just totally inappropriate, it’s wrong, it’s not entertaining. It’s just bad.”

Yet he’s airing it and talking about it. But he did give Porsha her pink slip for the attack, so maybe he’s sorry about it, or maybe he’s angry she didn’t attack all the women.

When Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé Knowles were both spotted leaving the same L.A. dermatologist on the same day last week, fans wondered if they’d finally bonded during a girls’ day out. But it appears that the dual skin appointments were just an accident, because ain’t no way Beyoncé is gonna hang with the Kash Kow no matter how much Kanye begs.

She ain’t gonna fold like Anna Wintour, y’all.

Apparently,when Kash Kow arrived at the doctor’s office, she “seemed so excited to see Beyoncé and ran over to her like an eager puppy, but Beyoncé looked like she wanted nothing to do with Kim and was really trying to stay away from her.

To be fair, the two women did have a brief chat — though I guess it was mostly Beyoncé saying, ‘Sorry. Who are you again? — about their respective oddly named children, Green Hydrangea and WestCoast thought the attempt to bond over mommyhood was not exactly well-received.

Beyoncé looked like she couldn’t have cared less,” a source — possibly That Woman, in for her weekly lamb placenta facial — says. “It seemed so clear that she did not want to talk with Kim and was just being polite to her. They really didn’t look at all like friends.”

And why would they be? Beyoncé, Jay Z, and, yes, even Kanye, are entertainers and performers who’ve based their careers on talent and drive.

Kim based her career on being able to lie on her back with her heels to God.

A not so Glee-filled set? Rumors are flying that Lea Michele — who considers herself the star of Glee — and Naya Rivera are battling divas both on-camera and off.

The Naya Fans say that Lea held up production while she dealt with a 'personal issue,' and Naya went to the producers to complain about the hold up. Well, Lea heard about this and dramatically exited stage left and never came back to the set.

The Lea Fans naturally have a different story. They say that Lea and Naya weren’t even shooting scenes together when she asked for a break, and never knew Naya complained about her. But, the Lea Fans say that it was Naya who was kicked off the set and was subsequently fired, though Team Naya says ain’t never happened.

Still, there was an interesting Blind Item circulating around the net this week which might help explain all the drama:

There was a TV actress who broke up with her musician boyfriend after she read text messages on his phone between him and one of her co-stars whom he ALLEGEDLY screwed on the side. While both sides are spinning their own ‘truth’ publicly, we do know that there are two facts that both sides privately acknowledge as being true:

#1: She broke up with him; and

B: She ended it because he cheated.

It seems kinda clear that this blind item is about Naya and Big Sean who recently broke off their engagement, and most people suspect that Sean was banging on Lea’s door which may, or may not, have lead to one diva, or the other, walking off the set.

Stay tuned. And maybe stay tuned to Glee because their ratings are way down and they either need better stories or some hot gossip to keep folks interested.