Why Is It ...

… that you need to know if you block me on social media you’d best be blocking my friends, too, because they’re sending me screenshots.

… that I often want to stop a conversation mid-sentence and say, “Hey, I don’t care.”

… that you don’t realize there is no point in arguing with me. I realized I was wrong about 15 minutes ago and now I’m just trying to make you mad.

… that apparently saying “the vibes are off” is not an excuse to leave work early.

… that I stop myself from making sarcastic comments at least forty times a day and I am never given credit for it.

… that you need to remember to chill before my Inner Voice becomes my Outer Voice.

… that I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet of Legos than share a fun fact about myself with a group of strangers.

… that whenever I agree with someone it’s usually so they’ll stop talking.

… that when my boss and I argue and he says, ‘I didn’t ask for an attitude,’ I reply, ‘No worries. It’s complimentary.’

… that I have to apologize if I acted insane, but in my defense, I’m insane.