I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

More Anna and Andre? Sure …

You probably know that Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour is about as cold and unfeeling as an actual rock, hence what Maddie calls her: Nuclear Wintour. And if you read this same blog last week you’ll know that Anna released an internal email to Vogue staff members last week, in which she acknowledged the lack of diversity at the magazine and tried such placating phrases as “we will do better” and “I value your voices” and “someone get my shoe carrier in here, my feet hurt.”

Okay, maybe I made that last one up, but former Vogue editor-at-large, André Leon Talley, who has written a book all about Anna, and a little bit about himself, and appeared on Sandra Bernhard’s SiriusXM show Sandyland to discuss Anna's statement. He claims that Samira Nasr, the newly appointed—and first black female—Editor-in-Chief of Vogue-rival Harper’s Bazaar, will affect Anna’s power base and that’s why she issued her Mea Culpa:

“The statement came out of a world of white privilege. I want to say one thing: Dame Anna Wintour is a colonial broad. She’s a colonial Dame … she’s part of an environment of colonialism. She is entitled and I do not think she will ever let anything get in the way of her white privilege. Own up to it, dear, all I’m asking for his human decency and kindness.”

There we be a real Nuclear Winter before Wintour owns up to that.

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I know Jeremy Piven was in Entourage but I remember him best when he appeared on Ellen, Ellen DeGeneres’ comedy about a girl names Ellen before she was a lesbian.

What I didn’t know about Piven was that he was ALLEGEDLY blackballed by Hollywood when he was accused of some #MeToo sexual perversity; he made a big show of taking, and passing a lie detector test, but his career has been less-than ever since.

As I said, I only remember him from the original Ellen show in the 1990s so …

Jeremy Piven today is offering his services—such as they are—to the public through Cameo. Yes, if you’re stuck at home during lockdown and have some extra cash on hand, say, oh I dunno, about $15,000, you can have a 10-minute Zoom call with Jeremy Piven.

Again, Jeremy who? Piven, whose ego knows no bounds because he’s not the only celeb selling their time, he just thinks his is worth more.

Lance Bass is charging $249 for recorded video or $1250 for Zoom Call. Sean Astin costs $295 for video or $599 live, while skating legend Tony Hawk is charges $200 for recorded  videos and $1,000 for live chat.

Just think, a few months back you could have had Tori Spelling for $95. Good thing you waited because I think she’s in the bargain bin for $19.95.

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In the middle of a pandemic how are our soap stars supposed to do those oh-so-sexy sex scenes? Well, one such show, The Bold and The Beautiful, which is set to go back into production next week, has a solution … they’ll be enlisting the help of the real-life partners of their actors for some kissing scenes and …wait for it … it’s epic … dolls for the sex scenes.

Barbie and Ken may have new careers.

Yes, The Bold and The Beautiful, the first US TV soap to start production, will enforce social distancing up to and including the social distancing of the actor’s nether regions. Bradley Bell, the executive producer, tried cutting out all the kissing scenes but it made the show awful.

Or, more awful. But fear not, the sex is back and here’s how it’s done … each actor in the sex scene will perform solo and then the two scenes will be spliced together; Bell explains:

“They’ll look like they’re nose to nose, in the throes of passion. But they’ll be shooting scenes all by themselves.”

It’s called the Masturbation Process? But for the sex they will enlist the aid of what Bell describes as “life-like blow up dolls that have been sitting around here for the past 15 years, that we’ve used for various other stories—[like] when people were presumed dead. We’re dusting off the dolls and putting new wigs and make-up on them and they’ll be featured in love scenes.”

Wow. Dust off the corpse of dead Aunt Sandy doll, slap a new wig on her and send her in, legs spread, heels to Jesus and mouth open …

Seriously.

UPDATE: BandB  was supposed to make its grand return to filming this week but … production was halted the first day of shooting to, ahem, beef up safety protocols.

Maybe one of those blowup dolls tested positive?

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I imagine Lindsay Lohan is hoping her rebooted career as actress/singer/high-class … I kid … hooker gets into gear because she has one more mouth to feed.

No, LiLo isn’t preggers! Mama Dina, who we last left fighting another DUI charge has become engaged to her internet boyfriend of six years, whom she hasn’t even met yet!

Yes, Jesse Nadler, Dina’s online boyfriend slipped a virtual ring on it even though the two have yet to set actual eyes on one another. And then, to make it Social Media Official™ he mailed her the ring!

Nadler says he sent Dina the ring through the mail because they’re unable to travel due to coronavirus. He’s in California caring for his ailing mother while she’s on Long Island nursing a box of Chardonnay.

And one wonders how Lindsay got so effed up? This is why:

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