It's Snarkurday!

Color me not surprised, but Chris Brown has been arrested for assault.

Rihanna say what? In April 2017, Brownie ALLEGEDLY punched a photographer at a club who was taking photos of the crowd; Brownie thought he was trying to snap him, so  he ALLEGEDLY leapt over a couch and punched the man in the face. Police were called, but Chris and his bodyguard fled the scene before they could be questioned and, well, celebrity … nothing happened.

Until last week when Brownie performed at the Coral Sky Amphitheater in West Palm Beach. After the show, he was met by several police officers who placed him under arrest for last year’s assault. He was arrested for felony battery and released after posting $2,000 bail.

Chris isn’t talking … yet … possibly because he’s still stunned that the cops let a year go by before arresting him, though they were just waiting for him to come back to Florida.

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

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Oh Johnny Depp, every week it’s something new … divorce, drunken rages, suing your manager, drunken rages, drunken rages, and now this.

A while back we talked about his Depp-lorable—see what I did there—behavior on the set of LAbryinth, where he plays the real-life detective who investigated Biggie’s murder. He was ALLEGEDLY a nuisance, surrounded by a bothersome, enormous entourage, tried to direct himself and bullied crew members.

When one crew member told him to wrap a scene, Depp screamed in the man’s face and punched him in the ribs. Now, Depp’s people deny this ever happened and gave out the usual vomit:

“Johnny Depp is a consummate professional, great collaborator and a supporter of other artists. He always treats the crew and people around him with the utmost respect. We all love stories — there isn’t one here.” 

Well, guess what? That crewmember, location manager Gregg “Rocky” Brooks, is ALLEGING in a lawsuit that Johnny Depp twice punched him on set. Brooks is also ALLEGING that he was fired from the movie when he refused to sign papers saying he wouldn’t sue over the incident.

Oops, maybe Depp’s people were thinking about another time he punched someone else when they denied this assault ever happened?

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Another Johnny in trouble is one Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

Meyers was once banned from United Airlines for ALLEGEDLY spewing the N-word in a drunken rant. And now he was again ALLEDGLY drunk on a plane—this time it was American Airlines—and being verbally abusive to his wife, though that wasn’t the problem. The issue was that JRM was vaping on his way to the lavatory.

Seriously? Drunk and disorderly gets a pass, but vaping gets you nailed?

When the plane got into LAX, it was met with a slew of airport police squad cars and the FBI because … vaping.

JRM was eventually let go after the FBI went all, Why are we here? We’ve got a president to unseat.

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Well, it looks like Jamie Foxx isn’t going to jail for his dick slap.

Back in 2002 a woman accused Foxx of slapping her in the face with his penis at a party when she refused to give him oral sex. This week the Las Vegas Police Department have concluded their investigation—even though the statute of limitations expired in 2005—and Foxx will not face charges.

No word on if they’ll simply charge him with being a dick.

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Poor Lindsay Lohan. Her career, her acting career, not her escort work, is kinda over ... again.

The comeback movie Lohan was hoping for, Life-Size 2, has announced its co-lead actress and her name is not Lindsay Lohan. Tyra Banks … Tyra Banks?... announced that she will be starring in the sequel to the 2000 movie—a sequel no one asked for—alongside one Francia Raisa from Grown-Ish.

Somewhere, under a bar in Europe, Lohan is trying to create a Francia voodoo doll out of cocktail napkins.

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I love me some gossip, but when it’s the kind that comes out after all the parties involved are dead, well, you just gotta wonder.

It appears that one Conrad Murray, the shady doctor who served two years for the manslaughter of Michael Jackson, is desperate for attention, or coins, because he’s serving up some crazy. Y’all know that Michael’s father, Joe Jackson, died recently? Well, everyone knows, or has heard tale, of Joe Jackson being an abusive father to his children, but this one takes the cake. Conrad Murray is now ALLEGING that Michael was chemically castrated by Joe to maintain his high-pitched voice:

“Joe Jackson was one of the worst fathers to his children in history. The cruelty expressed by Michael that he experienced at the hand of his father, particularly the bad treatment and moreover the fact that he was chemically castrated to maintain his high-pitched voice is beyond words. I knew and cared for Michael very well and he told me of the many sufferings at the hands of his father that he encountered. It was incredible, beyond imagination and words. I would not shed a single tear for the passing of this cruel and evil man: Joe Jackson. It is said only the good die young. I hope Joe Jackson finds redemption in Hell.”

Huh, I hope Conrad Murray doesn’t find any redemption at all when he goes to Hell for never saying one thing about this until both Joe and Michael were dead.

Clearly, someone with a Starbucks gift card that still had a few bucks on it, found Murray and gave it to him to talk.

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