It's Snarkurday!

Brad and Angie have split! Some say he was mean to the kids! Some say he cheated on La Jolie! Some say he drinks! Some say he smokes too much weed!

I say, Meh, it’s another Hollywood marriage gone belly-up. Nothing to see there.

Rabidly devout Catholic — he makes the Pope look like an atheist — Mel Gibson has gotten his new girlfriend, Rosalind Ross, who is young enough to be one of his children, pregnant with his ninth child.

He has seven children with his ex-wife, one child with an ex-girlfriend, and this soon-to-be-child with his, certainly- soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend.

He’s a fine Catholic, no?

So, remember when Mark Wahlberg, before becoming Marky Mark and then becoming Mark Wahlberg again, attacked two Vietnamese men on the same day in Boston? Well, he was 16 at the time and was charged with assault and did 45 days in jail.
  

Then two years ago, Wahlberg tried to get a pardon for his crimes and all kinds of folks were up in arms that, just because he was rich, he could have his record expunged of the crimes.

Well, that ain’t happening … a Massachusetts Parole Board spokesperson says Wahlberg never responded to a letter they sent him asking if he still wanted to keep that pardon request open and so they closed it.

And now Wahlberg is saying he doesn’t care that his pardon was dropped because, he says now, he never really wanted it in the first place … except when he was asking for it, and writing letters asking for it, and pleading to get a pardon.

The estate of Bobbi Kristina Brown sued her boyfriend-adopted-brother Nick Gordon last year for ALLEGEDLY scheming to get her money and being responsible for her death. The suit claimed Nick transferred money from Bobbi Kristina’s account to his own the day she went into a coma. Nick was also accused of injecting Bobbi Kristina with a “toxic mixture” that day.  

Nick’s lawyers called the suit “meritless,” but Nick never got to explain why because he never showed up to court … twice … and that cost him the case because, this week, Fulton County Superior Court Judge T. Jackson Bedford declared Nick Gordon legally responsible for Bobbi Kristina Brown’s death.

Just shows, y’all, show up when the law asks you to, or else.

Nick is still being investigated by the cops, but so far no charges have been filed.

It’s hard out there for pretty people … just ask Halle Berry.

I remember a few years back when Charlize Theron started the Eye Roll Heard Round The World when she cried that none of the meaty roles in movies are written for a “gorgeous, gown-wearing eight-foot model” even though she’d won an Oscar for Monster and followed up that role with Aeon Flux.

And now it’s Halle’s turn; she told a magazine recently that she didn’t want to be typecast as the pretty girl, so she purposefully went after roles where she’d have to de-glam herself.

This from the girl who started out as a model on a TV show about models called Living Dolls. Now, to be fair, her first film role was as Vivian the crack whore in Jungle Fever and she says she had to beg Spike Lee to let her audition for it.

Yes, she begged Spike to be a “crack ho” and won him over by taking off her make-up and becoming a crack whore; she then went on to beg Lee Daniels for the role in Monster’s Ball that won her an Oscar, followed that up with Catwoman and Gothika.

So, is it hard out there for beauties or hard for beauties that make stupid film choices?

In what I like to call Celebrities Acting Like High School Mean Girls, Selena Gomez recently got a new phone number and has announced that she will not give it to ex-boy-toy Justin Bieber.

Stop.The.Presses. A source — called Melena Momez — says Selena instructed everyone that got her new number “not to give it to him.”

I guess Bieber Booty Calls are over.

There are those who think it was the best thing for Tom Hiddleston to dump Taylor Swift like the whiny teenager she is, but, well, girls who write poetry and then turn them into songs that they sing off-key, might have the edge.

Yes, Swifty is said to be planning a revenge album of songs about both Hiddleston and her beau before Hiddleston, Calvin Harris.

How come when she goes for revenge the music listening public is the victim?

Julia Louis-Dreyfus won her ninth Emmy — and her fifth Best Actress Emmy in a row for Veep — last weekend and brought the audience to tears when she announced that her father, William Louis-Dreyfus, died just two days before at the age of 84.

And, in a world where people do not listen, a great many social media fools, instantly began Tweeting and Instagramming and Facebooking about the loss of Julia’s dad, Richard Dreyfuss.

And so Richard Dreyfuss took to the web to instruct this slew of morons how to Google Julia Louis-Dreyfus and find out that she isn’t his daughter.

Seriously, people.

Note to pervy guys: leave Sophia Bush alone when she’s on a plane.

Bush recently posted a statement on Twitter about the creepy encounter she had with a fellow traveler and she took him, and his ilk down:

“Dear Random Dude on a Plane:

When you make a woman so visibly uncomfortable, that after you’ve ignored all visual cues to please leave her alone (one word answers, she pulls out a book, puts on a hat, she actually asks you to not speak to her with the tone and words you’re choosing to use) that she finally GETS UP and MOVES SEATS, leave her alone. Do not continue trying to make conversation.

Stop turning around and looking at her. Stop leaning out of your seat and towards her body when she has to grab something out of the overhead bin above her original seat, and sadly also above you, mid flight.

And in my case, stop believing that you are entitled to make me uncomfortable because you ‘watch my TV show’ so I owe you some magical debt. I make it, you watch it. After that, the ‘exchange’ is done. You do not get to harass me, or any woman, because you think you pay our bills.

You don’t bro, I DO.”

Suh-nap!

So, a couple of weeks back someone on a Twitter interview — a Twinterview? — asked Katy Perry if she’d ever work with Taylor Swift and Katy replied:

“Yeah, if she ever apologizes.”

That’s an allusion to the rift between the two pop tartlets over the ALLEGED embezzling by Perry of Swift backup dancers; seriously.

Don’t hold your breath, Katy, because a source — Kaylor Kwift, I’m thinking — has said that Taylor let out a snotty girl laugh at the idea of working with non-award winner Perry:

“Why would Taylor want to collaborate with someone whose latest single (“Rise“) didn’t even break the Top 10? Taylor is a ten time Grammy winner. Katy has zero Grammys.”

And Taylor has zero talent, except for being a whiny self-indulgent, self-entitled, tuneless brat.

But that describes Katy, too, right?