An Emmy Stream Of Consciousness

NPH … that’s all we need know … NPH is hosting, but rather than open with a dance number, which everyone expects, and most folks want, he opens with a Binge Watching monologue, showcasing all of TV from last year. ALL.OF.IT. Jessica Lange, singing The Name Game … perfection … the stars of the shows stalking to NPH … the DVR rewind to a Michael Douglas-Matt Damon smooch from Behind the Candelabra … Good Joke: Orange Is The New Black, or, as Paula Deen now calls it, Orange Is The New African American … then the return of former hosts, trying to tell NPH what to do … Kimmel, Lynch, Fallon, O'Brien … Then cut to Kevin Spacey, the Evil Genius … “Blabbering buffoons … sabotage Neal” … but the best is, as always Tina Fey and Amy Poehler … They want 3D, pants dropping NPH … “Take your pants off and twerk it.” … Degrading? … “Degrateful!” … Poehler and Fey crawl to the stage to introduce the

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY … Big surprise … no, really … Merritt Wever … Nurse Jackie … “Thank you so much! I gotta go. Bye.” … Best.Speech.Ever. … NPH: “Best.Speech.Ever!” … LL Cool J in the same ridiculous hat he always wears and Malin Ackerman … OUTSTANDING COMEDY WRITING TEAM … Tina Fey and Tracey Wigfield … 30 Rock … The Deschanels, Zooey and Emily … OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR COMEDY … Tony Hale … Veep … he reads from a card … Oy! … Flash of some Zachary Quinto in the audience and I feel better … IN MEMORIAM SALUTE… Robin Williams on comic genius, and his idol, Jonathan Winters … Not.One.Clip. of Winters in action … Jon—Lose The beard … and by that I mean the actual beard—Hamm and Alec—Just take your temper and leave—Baldwin … OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS

IN A COMEDY … Julia Louis-Dreyfus … Veep … Funny as always, especially with Tony Hale standing behind her guiding her with what to say … Will Arnett and Margo Martindale in a typical awkward scripted Emmy banter … introducing winner of OUTSTANDING GUEST ROLE IN COMEDY … Melissa Leo dressed like the freakiest lion tamer I’ve ever seen… OUTSTANDING DIRECTOR COMEDY … Gail Mancuso … Modern Family … I like it … Jimmy Kimmel is back with Sofia Vergara … NPH makes the requisite … and getting old ... joke about Vergara’s breasts … OUTSTANDING

LEAD ACTOR COMEDY … Jim Parsons … The Big Bang Theory … Third win … nothing new … even he seems embarrassed by his win … IN MEMORIAM SALUTE … Rob Reiner on Jean Stapleton … again, no clips of her work … Loved, though the Archie Bunker quote about Edith’s TV death … “You had no right to leave me dat way, widdout givin’ me one more chance to say I Love You” … Commercial Break … Shemar Moore … sleazy as always and very awkward … What’s the point? … Michael Douglas and Matt Damon … So hot … on flamboyantly gay piano player … No, not Liberace … Elton John … His script was badly written

in calling gay a ‘lifestyle’ and having Elton say he didn’t know Liberace was gay for a long time … even Elton found that stupid … Elton sings ‘Going Home’ a song not at all about Liberace but off an upcoming album I guess … Less about Liberace and more about Elton? … OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS MINISERIES/MOVIE … Jessica Lange … Please? … But it’s Laura Linney … The Big C … I’ll be fine … She was amazing in that … NPH’s costars from HIMYM doing a PSA on EHD …Excessive Hosting Disorder … Lordy so many initials …

NPH often, um, “hosts” himself … An intervention … NPH sent to The Ryan Seacrest Center for Excessive Hosting … Connie Britton and Blair Underwood .. HOT … OUTSTANDING WRITING DRAMA SERIES … Henry Bromell … Homeland … Sadly, Bromell died last year … His wife accepts for him … OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS DRAMA … Anna Gunn … I don’t know her but she is an ISBL Best Dressed Winner … IN MEMORIAM SALUTE Jane Lynch for Corey Monteith … No clips … Just Jane standing stiff and talking … NPH … Why no musical number? … A Mid-Show Musical Number! … NPH and Hot Guys … Gold girls, not Golden Girls … Obvious Cheese  but always fun to watch NPH strut his stuff … Nathan Fillion … looking chunky … Sarah Silverman … looking vixen-y … appear

and sing for no reason at all … A quick shot of NPH hubby David Burtka … HOT … Mindy Kaling and Stephen Amell … HOT … Awkward, senseless banter … OUTSTANDING REALITY SHOW … The Voice … Sorry, Idol, you’re done … More Shemar Moore sleaze … Why? Is he even a member of the academy or did he bang someone to get on the show? Oh wait ... He is on a CBS show ... never mind … Diahann Carroll

… Beautiful … The First Black Bitch on TV …and Kerry Washington … Scandal … Diahann was the first African American, male or female, to ever win an Emmy … OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR DRAMA … Bobby Canavale … Boardwalk Empire … HOT … Juliana Margulies and Dylan McDermott … HOT … OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR DRAMA … Jeff Daniels … Newsroom … surprise! … Don Cheadle … HOT … talking TV and the JFK assassination and The March on Washington in 1963 … segues into the Beatles on Ed Sullivan … Carrie Underwood … screeching the first few notes of ‘Yesterday’ … What was the point of that? … Gimme more NPH … The introduction of the accountants … with a little Bob Newhart on the side … OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS DRAMA … Claire Danes … Homeland … AGAIN … yawn … Kerry Washington was robbed … NPH jokes about people cut off from reality living under a dome … shot of the US Capital building … No, that other dome show … Dean Norris and Amelia Clarke

… OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR/ACTRESS DRAMA … Dan Bucatinksy … adorkably gay … Scandal … Kerry Preston … The Good Wife … OUTSTANDING DIRECTOR DRAMA … David Fincher …House Of Cards … Haven’t seen it … Jim Parson and Bob Newhart … Newhart just won his first Emmy, his first Emmy, his FIRST Emmy, last week and gets a well-deserved standing ovation … OUTSTANDING WRITING VARIETY … The Colbert report … yawn … OUTSTANDING DIRECTOR VARIETY … Don Roy King … SNL … okay … IN MEMORIAM SALUTE … Michael J. Fox on Gary David Goldberg … this is getting old … NPH crashes a Choreographer nomination lunch and challenges the nominees to create a dance number featuring him … Yes … another NPH dance number … danced to … Mad Men ,,, Game of Thrones … American Horror Story: Asylum … Boardwalk Empire … Breaking Bad … The Big Bang Theory … OUTSTANDING CHOREOGRAPHER

… Derek ‘Not Gay But Oh So Shiny’ Hough … Alyson Hannigan and Cobie Smulders … A Prom Dressed and a Meh Dressed on the ISBL list this morning … OUTSTANDING VARIETY SERIES … The Colbert Report … yawn … fast forward … IN MEMORIAM SALUTE … Edie Falco on James Gandolfini … moving on … Moore more Shemar … Oy! … Anna Faris and Allison Janney … OUTSTANDING WRITING MINISERIES/MOVIE … Abi Morgan .. for something called The Hour … OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING

ACTOR MINISERIES/MOVIE … James Cromwell … American Horror Story: Asylum … beats out the always HOT Matt Damon … Bruce Rosenbloom and Kaley Cuoco brag about the TV Academy … I take a bathroom break … IN MEMORIAM … the rest of the dead who don’t get a special tribute … Jack Klugman ekes out a win over Roger Ebert and Larry Hagman in the Death-Applause-O-Meter … Andre Braugher and Mark Harmon … HOT … OUTSTANDING DIRECTOR MINISERIES/MOVIE … Stephen Soderbergh … Behind The Candelabra … gives all, ALL, his thanks to Douglas and Damon over everyone else associated with the film … not so nice … OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS MINISERIES/MOVIE … Ellen Burstyn … Political Animals … because they can I guess … Bryan Cranston and Claire Danes … OUTSTANDING ACTOR

MINISERIES/MOVIE … Michael Douglas … sharing the ward with Matt Damon … "This was a two-hander, and Matt, you're only as good as your other hand....You were magnificent, and the only reason I'm standing here is because of you. So, you really deserve half of this. Do you want the bottom or the top?" … loved that … OUTSTANDING MINISERIES/MOVIE … Behind The Candelabra … beat out The Bible so the wingnuts are crapping their Depends over that one … Will Ferrell … with his kids in … oh how funny … street clothes …joking about how he just got ‘the call’ to present … it’s high-larious … no it’s not … OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES … Modern Family … it keeps winning and winning … OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES … Breaking Bad … it finally won something … 

MY TAKE? … Good fun … NPH is an easy breezy beautiful cover host … Merritt Wever should right ALL acceptance speeches ... some of the awards were The Usual Suspects but some were surprises … Bobby Canavale … But no Kerry Washington … no Jessica Lange … the scripted banter was, at times okay, but most times awkward … the use of Shemar Moore was just stupid … the In Memoriam Salutes were wastes of time … no Will Ferrell ever ... What did YOU think?