I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Apparently some Middle Eastern prince paid $500,000 to spend 15 minutes with Kristen Stewart who says she had Harvey Weinstein — obviously Harvey’s a full-fledged pimp now — broker the deal and she then donated the proceeds to Hurricane Sandy relief.

Still, it begs the question, er, questions, what did the prince get for his half-a-mil, and if we could all scrape up enough money maybe we could pay Kristen Stewart to give up acting.

I kid ... she's no actress.

So, last week the big news was that a Lohan, a Dina Lohan, was arrested for being drunk and driving and, I think for being a bad parent. I might be wrong about the last one though I think she’s guilty nonetheless.

However, after being all drunk and shiz on the side of the road, Dina engaged the services of one Mark Heller, who might sound like a familiar name and he is, because he's the lawyer Lindsay fired just before she went to her rehab lockdown.

Apparently Mama Lohan didn’t get that memo.

And Mark Heller, who is ALLEGDLY the worst lawyer in the world, released this statement:

“Dina Lohan is a good person." ... Okay stop. I need to laugh ... "Her life has been dedicated to her four children." ... Okay stop. And a box of wine ... "She has worked hard her entire life and she has been a ‘Parent Trapped’ with the entire world watching her in a fishbowl with murky water due to no fault of her own.”

Okay, stop. Just stop. 

Dina is no victim; she's a self-entitled, fame-whoring-drunk-ass party parent who needs a good long time out of her own. Perhaps her oldest daughter might suggest a rehab?

Jaden Smith, the spoiled brat offspring of Will Smith and his beard wife Jada had quite the opinion of education, and shares with the world via Twitter:

Wow, a self-entitled rich kid, who has been given a career because his parents bought one for him, thinks education is a waste of time.

Good thing Mommy and Daddy are rich because if Jaden ever had to live in the real world, he wouldn't know his head from a hole in the ground.

I might be able to swing my way into lesbianism if I could score a paycheck like Tammy Lynn Michaels — Melissa Etheridge's ex — and then whine about how hard I have it.

Michaels is a textbook example of someone so out of touch that she makes Jaden Smith seem like he might actually have a brain. See, Michaels constantly complains about being broke even though she is paid a monthly alimony of $26,000; plus, PLUS, a percentage of Etheridge’s royalties which, last year, gave Michaels another $60,000 monthly.

And still she complains, taking to Twitter recently — because where else does a spoiled rich girl go to complain — to whine about being a million in debt with no health insurance. Must be hard to pay for insurance on 86K a month.

My heart, like Tammy Lynn Michaels' insides, or so she says, bleeds.

This isn’t really gossip, but it’s Cher, bitches. So there!

With a new albumin set to drop, Cher’s been hitting the publicity circuit pretty hard, and, as happens with Cher, she says whatever she wants because, I’ll say it again, it’s Cher, bitches.

She talked about the debut of her new song ‘Woman’s World’ on The Voice lasts season:

“Right before I walked out there [to perform on The Voice], I told my mom, ‘I’m so sweating it. I’m a has-been. My career is nothing.’ It’s my first time out of the box in 12 years, in front of 20 million people. … It gets harder when you’re working against girls in their 20s. Tell me who at my age is making a record and wants to be on radio? When I started out, I thought I’d be dead by now.”

And one of those girls in her 20s in Twerking-Tongue-Diva, Miley I’ll-do-anything-to-be-noticed Cyrus, and Cher isn’t having her:

“I’m not old-fashioned. She could have come out naked, and if she’d just rocked the house, I would have said, ‘You go, girl.’ It just wasn’t done well. She can’t dance, her body looked like hell, the song wasn’t great, one cheek was hanging out. And, chick, don’t stick out your tongue if it’s coated.”

Snap. And I’ll say it a third time, It’s Cher, bitches!

This may fall into the category of complete and utter rubbish, but it’s so icky — and because it’s Demi it might be true — but it’s worth telling.

The story is that Grandma Demi Moore has traded in her young bucks for a man more in line with her age, because, ALLEGEDLY, Demi is dating 66-year-old businessman Peter Morton.

It’s good right? Well, except that Peter Morton has three kids, one of whom is Harry Morton who has, and this is where some of the ick comes in, recently dated Demi Moore himself.

So, ALLEGEDLY, one of two things happened: either Demi decided to trade up from son to dad, or Harry decided Demi was more step-mama than girlfriend.

Now, ready for the rest of the ick? I knew you were. Before he dated Demi Moore, Harry Morton was dating her daughter Rumer.

Like I said, Ick.

Young man dates young girl then dumps her and a few months later starts to date her mother and few months later he dumps the mother who starts dating his father.

Ick. I know.