The Funny Papers

Mike Luckovich, Gary Huck, RJ Matson, Ed Wexler, Barry Blitt, Lalo Alcaraz, Clay Bennett, Bill Bramhall, Ed Hall, Nick Anderson, David Horsey, Jack Ohman, Drew Sheneman, Ted Littleford, Michael de Adder, Scott Stantis

Snarky Thoughts

Oh the signs of Spring … the Cardinals have returned to Camden and the daffodils are blooming … flowers are sprouting and Mo’Nique is once again talking her loathing of Oprah and Tyler Perry. A refresher? Okay … Mo’Nique was hired by Lee Daniels to co-star in Precious fourteen years ago and she did. But when it came time to distribute the film, Daniels needed some coins and called in Perry and Winfrey to pay those costs. Now those two egos asked Mo’Nique to go on a press tour for the film and she demanded payment and they said ‘No, that’s not how it works,’ and thus started Mo’Nique’s Woe Is Me tour.

My Thoughts: It’s been almost fifteen years, Mo, give it up; there are no Oprah coins coming your way and you sound ridiculous burping up the same story every year.

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Grey’s Anatomy had Dr. McDreamy and Dr. McSteamy, but they also had Dr. Homophobe, AKA Isaiah Washington, who was fired from the show for a homophobic slur filled rant way back in Ott-Seven. Well, you know sometimes those who spew hate lose jobs and Washington’s mostly been working on joining the MAGAt cult and took to Twitter to announce his “early retirement from the entertainment industry.”

My Thought: Keep the hate to yourself, and you can keep your next job … at Starbucks.

PS You know what else is over, besides your career? Hats; seriously, why must I keep telling you people. Hats.Are.Over.

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Cher confused us all at the end of 2022 when she posted a picture of a diamond ring she received from her new man, Alexander “AE” Edwards. It seemed like the diva was engaged but most feel like that was not the case. But now those same sources are saying that Cher’s sons, Chaz Bono and Elijah Blue Allman are not at all pleased that mama may marry a man who is 17 years younger than Chaz and ten years younger than Elijah. They seem to think that Ae is after Cher’s coins and mama may just cut them out of the will if they continue this nonsense.

My Thought: By acting the fools over their mother’s relationship, the two sons might just be left with her coins, but it won’t because of AE it will be due to their own meddling.

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50 Cent seems consumed with being a terrible father, of trolling Madonna, and declaring he doesn’t like getting his salad tossed, but right now, today, he’s defending the honor of his, ahem, unretouched penis. A few months ago, 50 filed a lawsuit when a picture he took with plastic surgeon Angela Kogan was posted alongside an interview she did with The Shade Room about penis enhancement surgery; he sued the doctor, the med spa she owns, and The Shade Room for implying he had his ding-a-ling lengthened. He ALLEGEDLY settled with The Shade Room for an undisclosed amount.

My Thought: We all know Fiddy has old pictures of his dick, so why not just whip it out and prove he didn't add a little length to his Two-Bit Dick.

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That Woman, you know, the one who sold her daughter’s private sex tape to a porn company to make her demon spawn famous, has sparked rumors she’s engaged to longtime boyfriend Corey Gamble after flashing a massive diamond ring on social media. The ring, which featured a simple band with clear-cut stone sitting proudly in the center, is estimated to be worth over $1.2 million.

My Thought: How does That Woman’s boyfriend, who may or may not have a job other than being her sidepiece “bodyguard”, buy a $1.2 million ring?

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I Didn't Say It

RuPaul, finally speaking out, offhandedly, about the assault from the right on drag queens:

“Hey, look over there! A classic distraction technique, distracting us away from the real issues that they were voted into office to focus on: jobs, healthcare, keeping our children safe from harm at their own school. But we know that bullies are incompetent at solving real issues. They look for easy targets so they can give the impression of being effective. They think our love, our light, our laughter and our joy are signs of weakness. But they’re wrong because that is our strength. Drag queens are the Marines of the queer movement. Don’t get it twisted and don’t be distracted. Register to vote so we can get these stunt queens out of office and put some smart people with real solutions into government. And by the way, a social media post has never been as powerful as a registered vote.”

And along with a vote, Ru, we need people in positions of power, people with a fan base of sorts, to speak up and out and loudly.

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D.L. Hughley, responding to the haters who don’t like Chris Rock talking Will and Jada in his new comedy special:

“If you love comedy, if you are a student of the art, if you are one of the few remaining people that allow for creative expression, then you walked away from this with the same sentiment. Side note … That happened to HIM, to CHRIS … and the ENTIRE WORLD got to weigh in and talk trash and make jokes and ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’ the whole damn thing to death. OTHER COMEDIANS have bits about it, it was an opener for most of us. The ONE PERSON YOU NEVER HEARD FROM ABOUT IT WAS CHRIS!! So NOW, that HE decides to address it on HIS TIME, people have the audacity to say: ‘he’s bitter … Why is he still talking about that … let it go … or the best one WE’VE MOVED ON.’ So YOU got to speak on it but he can’t??? Y’all are a straight f*ckin trip.”

I rarely agree with Hughley but this time he was spot on; we heard from the entire world and from Will and Jada and their demon spawn, while the only one not talking was Rock. Now he has, and, for me, it was brilliant.

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Tucker Carlson, the man who was caught on tape saying he doesn’t like Thing 45, trying to rewrite Insurrectionist History this week, proving yet again what most of us know: Fox Lies:

“Taken as a whole, the video record does not support the claim that January 6 was an insurrection. In fact, it demolishes that claim. And that’s exactly why the Democratic Party and its allies in the media prevented you from seeing it. By controlling the images you are allowed to view from January 6, they controlled how the public understood that day. They could lie about what happened and you would never know the difference. Those lies had a purpose. They created a pretext for a federal crackdown on opponents of the uniparty in Washington. The crowd was enormous. A small percentage of them were hooligans. They committed vandalism. You’ve seen their pictures again and again. But the overwhelming majority weren’t. They were peaceful. They were orderly and meek. These were not insurrectionists. They were sightseers.”

Sightseers don’t break into buildings, vandalize it, kill people, shit on the walls and ransack offices, Fucker. But let’s try this: let’s have “sightseers” head to Carlson’s house and break in and wipe their feces on his walls and steal his stuff and see how that little lying bitch complains and moans.

In addition, Fucker Carlson and his ilk at Fox “News” should be held responsible for 1/6/2022 because they knowingly lied about the election and spurred those ignorant MAGAt’s on.

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Matt Walsh, Daily Wire host, saying that having a trans child is “a fate worse than death”:

“I hear from parents all the time, just these horror stories of, you know, I raised my kid, I did everything right. I even homeschooled. I did, whatever. And then one day my daughter at 16 comes home and declares that she’s a boy. And from that moment, it’s just she is devoured by this cult almost overnight and becomes unrecognizable. She wants nothing to do with us anymore. I’ve heard the story so many times and it’s terrifying. It’s horrific. You know, it’s—I think as a parent, it’s like a fate worse than death in a lot of ways. You’re losing your child. It’s like a death of a child while they’re still alive and—so that’s what makes it, I suppose, personal for me.”

He hears from parents ALL the time and yet doesn’t produce one parent to corroborate his story? It would be a fate worse than death to have Matt Walsh, ignorant, lying, transphobic bigot as your parent.

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Michael Knowles, another host on The Daily Wire, speaking at CPAC about what to do with transgender people:

“The problem with transgenderism is not that it’s inappropriate for children under the age of 9. The problem with transgenderism is that it isn’t true. If [transgenderism] is false, then for the good of society… transgenderism must be eradicated from public life entirely.”

How very Hitler of him. But keep in mind, he’s preaching to the GOP choir, which means we all need to vote, and get the hate out of Congress.

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Steven Spielberg, on the of Anti-Semitism in the world today:

“I find it very, very surprising. Anti-Semitism has always been there, it’s either been just around the corner and slightly out of sight but always lurking, or it has been much more overt like in Germany in the ’30s. But not since Germany in the ‘30s have I witnessed Anti-Semitism no longer lurking, but standing proud with hands on hips like Hitler and Mussolini, kind of daring us to defy it. I’ve never experienced this in my entire life, especially in this country. Somehow, the marginalizing of people that aren’t part of some kind of a majority race is something that has been creeping up on us for years and years and years. Hate became a kind of membership to a club that has gotten more members than I ever thought was possible in America. And hate and antisemitism go hand in hand, you can’t separate one from the other. I think [Anne Frank was] right when she said that most people are good. And I think essentially at our core, there is goodness and there is empathy.”

Still, another quote springs to mind, attributed to many people, including Simon Wiesenthal:

“All it takes for evil to flourish, is for good men to do nothing.”

Stand up against the hate … the anti-Semites, the anti-drag queens, the anti-LGBTQ+, the anti-books, the anti-history, the anti-women …

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Bobservations

In addition to losing his eyesight, Carlos is also colorblind, and he recently received a new jiggy-mah-giggy—that’s what he calls electronic devices—that tells him the color of his clothing. He holds it next to a shirt or pair of pants and it says … “blue blue blue Green GREEN” … and then he knows it’s a green shirt. He calls it his Electric Valet™. He held it up to me and it said:

“Tell this story on your blog.”

And so here it is ...

From the blog, February 15, 2009:

“Carlos and I decided today would be a good day to do some deep cleaning, so we worked from one end of the house to the other with vacuums and sprays and laundry baskets and window cleaners and furniture polishes and floor cleaners.

I planned dinner. Sunday is usually Carlos' day, but I was in the mood for marinated pork loin, so there you have it. I gave Carlos a haircut. Not the pseudo-mohawk he wanted but something short so he won't have to mess with it too much.

I stripped the beds and was doing laundry and wondered where the cats had gone. All of them hide on cleaning day. I don't know if it's because they think they're getting a bath, or they simply don't like the turmoil. I discovered Tallulah napping behind the love-seat in the sunroom. MaxGoldberg hid under the guest room bed.

But Tuxedo was a harder find … until I walked in the bedroom and caught a glimpse of something cat-like.

I lay down on the bed and peered into the pile of blankets, and there he was. Hiding out because he doesn't like it when you clean; all his regular smells and places to play get cleaned up and put away.

I feel that way sometimes myself. Crawl into a hole and pull the hole in after me.”

One of my favorite things to do was walk not a room and find Tuxedo under something, inside something, on top of something, happy as can be.

The Tennessee House of Representatives passed a bill that will allow people to refuse to perform a marriage if they disagree with it because of their so-called faith. Tennessee law already says that religious leaders do not have to officiate weddings they object to and some say this new Hate Bill would empower county clerks to refuse to certify marriage licenses, meaning that LGBTQ, interfaith, or interracial couples could be unable to get married at all, rather than just needing to find a new officiant for their ceremony.

Hate; plain and simple.

This week, Democratic members on the House Oversight Committee asked their GOP colleagues to sign a two-sentence statement that rejects white supremacy, white nationalism, and a far-right conspiracy theory that suggests politicians … of the Democratic persuasion … are intentionally seeking to displace white Americans by loosening immigration.

Every single Republicans on the GOP-led committee have signaled that will not sign the statement, and here are those white supremacists, white nationalists and bigots:

James Comer ... Jim Jordan ... Mike Turner ... Paul Gosar ... Virginia Foxx ... Glenn Grothman ... Gary Palmer ... Clay Higgins ... Pete Sessions ...  Andy Biggs ... Nancy Mace ... Jake LaTurner ... Pat Fallon ... Byron Donalds ... Kelly Armstrong ... Scott Perry ... William Timmons ... Tim Burchett ... Marjorie Taylor Greene ... Lisa McClain ... Lauren Boebert ... Russell Fry ... Anna Paulina Luna ... Chuck Edwards ... Nick Langworthy ... Eric Burlison

On the upside, Iowans rallied this past weekend at the Iowa State Capitol to protest legislation targeting the rights of LGBTQ+ citizens. Nearly a thousand parents, students, educators, faith leaders, community organizers and elected officials attended the Rally to Resist:

“Iowans have had enough. We understand that our friends, neighbors, and family members are under attack and their rights are being stripped away. And Iowans are unified against anti-LGBTQ bills.”

Some Republican lawmakers want to change the state constitution to ban same-sex marriage because everything old, and hate-filled, appears to be new again, when the GOP is around.

Same-sex marriage has been legal in Iowa since 2009 when the state became the third state to legalize marriage equality after Massachusetts and Connecticut. 

A coworker, who also does hair and makeup on the side, was telling me about a friend of his who is a hairdresser and was taking classes on how to cut hair for Black men and women, said to me:

“My friend just called me and said she had four Black men today.”

And I said:

“Lucky.”

You could have heard a pin drop in that office.

Haymarket Books is coming for Ron DeSantis:

“The racist governor of Florida continues to escalate his attacks on the freedom to learn and teach history. We at Haymarket stand in solidarity with all those in Florida and across the country who are organizing to resist. We know that books can be dangerous to those in power, especially when they are in the hands of folks who are organizing to fight for liberation. That’s why we publish them. That’s why they’re trying to ban them. In light of this recent round of attacks on the freedom to read, we’ve made these ebooks free for all to download. We are also connecting with folks in Florida directly to distribute radical books for free to young people.”

Read, learn, educate yourself, and vote the racist and the fascists and the bigots and the wingnuts from office.

California Governor, and Democrat, Gavin Newsom slammed Walgreens this week, saying California would no longer do business with the chain after they chose not to distribute abortion pills to 20 states. Newsom’s office released this statement:

“California is reviewing all relationships between Walgreens and the state. We will not pursue business with companies that cave to right wing bullies pushing their extremist agenda or companies that put politics above the health of women and girls.”

Snap.

Florida Republicans are under fire for state bill SB254, which would allow the state to seize custody of children they feel are “at risk” or “being subjected” to gender-affirming medical care, including from families where the child at question may reside outside of Florida. Senate President Kathleen Passidomo, and transphobic asshat, said:

“Parents have the right to raise their children as they see fit, and government intervention should be a last resort. Unfortunately, all too often we are hearing about treatments for gender dysphoria being administered to children, often very young children. That’s just wrong, and we need to step in and make sure it isn’t happening in our state.”

Let that sink in … ‘parents have the right to raise their children as they see fit’ unless the child is trans.

Ramón Rodríguez is a Puerto Rican actor known for his current role as the title character in the ABC series Will Trent.  He has the most delicious Southern drawl as droopy and sensual as Spanish Moss draping from the branches of a live oak but that’s not the issue: Would You Hit It?

I have been reinstated to Twitter this week, and instantly went to MTG’s page and told her to ‘Fuck off with her special brand of ignorance and bigotry.’ 

And I’m still on Twitter! Go figure …

Architecture Wednesday: Panoramic Hill House

Out in Berkeley, California you’ll find Panoramic Hill, the site of four residences designed and built by the late Berton Garey—who built a total of 11 homes during his lifetime—with this, 3333 Dwight Way, his fourth home there, completed in 1981. And while the house appears deceptively simple from the street, its design, and Garey’s story of the house, are quite wonderful.

It all began when Garey rode his motorcycle up Panoramic Hill—a neighborhood notable for homes built by Bernard Maybeck, Frank Lloyd Wright, and Julia Morgan, among others—while attending Berkeley. He drove past a house built by architect Judd Boynton, met the man and went on to become his apprentice; ten years later, in the early 1970s, after working as a carpenter, Garey began designing and building how own homes. With just one assistant per project, Berton Garey built each of his houses by hand, from hoisting beams into place to plumbing and electrical; he also lived in each of his builds while working on the next, and it was while completing this house he met and became lifelong friends with the home’s current owner, artist Bob Joyce. 

From their nearby apartment, Joyce and his then-partner had watched Garey’s homes appear one after another in the neighborhood, and when they found an available lot up the road, they asked Garey if he’d build them a home; he wasn’t interested, but he was willing to sell them this home. Sadly, the home was out of their price range, but  the three men became such good friends that they worked out a deal: Gary would finance half the house with no cash down, just a monthly payment, and the deal was struck and 3333 Dwight Way was sold to Joyce and his partner.

Inspired by the hillside it occupies, Garey designed the house to face the San Francisco Bay, with special attention to maintaining privacy for residents. As such, there are no windows on the street side but the rear of the home opens up to a panoramic expanse with floor-to-ceiling glazed doors opened to the trees and The Bay beyond.

The home embodies Garey’s appreciation for Northern California as translated through his use of redwood, which he called "forest gold." The home features exposed redwood beams, rough sawn redwood board and batten siding, and intricate redwood and mahogany detailing. Every window and every door, every beam, were custom-made by Garey, reflecting the woodworking artistry he developed earlier in his career. 

The main level features the living area, kitchen and dining room, and has soaring ceilings and a wall of glazed sliding doors that offers direct access to the expansive deck, which spans both levels. While the rooms are spacious, the wood details—such as the red-oak flooring and wood-burning fireplace—instill the interior with a cozy, cabin-like feel—though multiple skylights bring the outdoors into the home.

The home also includes Frank Lloyd Wright–influenced elements, such as the low-slung, horizontal roofline with timber-clad ceilings; exposed beams that cantilever out to create deep eaves along the site’s contour; and intricate joinery. On the facade, timber siding with varying patterns connects the residence to the landscape. 

The lower level of the home holds all three bedrooms, two of which open to the lower deck; both decks, with built-in benches, descend onto a stone patio and hot tub deck; along one side of the home is another large deck perfect for watching sunsets over the bay.

Dwell