Why Is It ...

… that most all of my friends know that if we’re in a crowd of people and I say, “since we’re being funny,” it’s time to take me out of the room.

… that people have forgotten that oldest of Commandments ‘Know thy lane and stayeth in it.”

… that I am the friend you can cancel on at the last minute? Is it because I wasn’t going anyway?

… that sometimes I tell people “I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are” and watch their face while they try to figure out if it was a compliment or not.

… that every so often I head up to IKEA to see if they can help me assemble the fucking will to live.

… that no one realzies that calling someone a dildo is a perfectly acceptable insult; you could call them a dick, but they aren’t real enough.

… that even I know I should be ashamed of my attitude; to be clear, I’m not, but I should be.

… that people need to learn if they press their bottom lip to their top lip, they can actually shut the fuck up; go on, try it, I’ll wait.

 … that no one sees that introverts don’t get FOMO; we get FOBI … fear of being included.

… that people don’t realize I am an anti-stalker. I’m learning someone’s routine so I can avoid them.

… that no one gets that I will cook rice one grain at a time before I worry about someone not talking to me.