I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Since yesterday was Valentine’s Day and all about love, I wanted to share a real love story with you today …

Last Monday Michael ‘Lindsay’s Dad’ Lohan was arrested for the umpteeth time—I’m channeling my grandmother there—for ALLEGEDLY choking his soon-to-be-or-maybe-not-ex-wife—see, it is a love story—Kate Major.

But, and this is where it gets rich, and then drinks and drives, Kate Major was arrested the day before Michael for what we call Pulling A Lohan, i.e. drunk driving. And Michael is now ALLEGING that Kate made the whole assault thing up because he tipped off the police that she was going all Dina Lohan behind the wheel of a car. And so Kate got revenge by saying Michael choked her.

Michael claims that he and Kate made plans to meet with his lawyer on Monday to discuss her latest her arrest—like a good Lohan this wasn’t her first drunken rodeo—and then Kate was going to go to rehab … cuz it helped Lindsay, you know.

Big surprise, though, at the lawyer’s office when police showed up to arrest Michael Lohan for assault.

These kids. Perhaps they can get adjoining cells because theirs is a love for the ages.

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And now here’s more on that love, not for the ages, but for twelve days, the breakup of Pammy Anderson and Jon Peters.

He ended the marriage via text, y’all! Ain’t that modern? Jon’s reason for ending their love story of barely two weeks for the ages is that , wait for it, it’s epic, he’s old and wants some quiet:

“It made me realize that at 74 I need a simple quiet life and not an international love affair. Therefore, I think the best thing we can do is that I’m going to go away for a couple of days and maybe you need to go back up to Canada. We did it. The world knows we did it and I think now we need to go our own separate ways. I hope that you can forgive me.”

-So, it’s the I’m-so-in-love-with-you-that-I-married-you-but-now-I-need-a-nap-because-I’m-old-and-you’re-a-party-girl-so-I-have-to-end-our-marriage-after-twelve-days text.

Ah, love.

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Oh Madge, take a seat.

After nearly three hundred years spent thumbing her nose at convention by parading around in her underwear and rubbing her crotch all over sexy Jesus’ one would think Madonna would know all about censorship. But she doesn’t even know what the word means.

At her recent Madame X show at the London Palladium, Madge’s set went past the 11:00PM curfew so the venue shut off the lights while she was still on stage and this sent her Royal Assholiness into a rage. She accused the Palladium of censorship and of trying to kill everybody by dropping an iron fire curtain on her head. But that’s not exactly how it happened, well, except inside Madge’s full-of-herself head.

Madonna, whose shows often run late because she starts them late, posted an angry video of the moment on Instagram in which she can be heard shouting:

“Censorship, censorship, motherfucking censorship.”

More like “Time’s up, Nana.” Still, Madge railed:

“It was five minutes past our 11 p.m. curfew, we had one more song to do and The Palladium decided to censor us by pulling down the metal fire curtain that weighs nine tons. Fortunately they stopped it halfway and no one was hurt. Many thanks to the entire audience who did not move and never left us. Power to the people!!”

Power to the people? Bitch, you were supposed to be off stage at 11, but since you can’t drag your ass onstage at the right time, the Palladium smacked you down and that’s censorship?

The Palladium has a different take; they say Madge had already been warned about running late, and that “contrary to a number of reports, at no point during last night’s performance did staff at The London Palladium pull down, or attempt to pull down, the Iron Fire Curtain.”

Madge? Take a good long seat and take some of the blame for yourself. If I’d been running the Iron Curtain I would’a dropped it during your first number.

Now that’s censorship.

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Don’t piss off the CGI Nerds. Learn that lesson.

You see, after the Oscars the Visual Effects Society, the group of people who make special effects in movies, is not happy that everyone keeps blaming that $70 million bomb, AKA Cats, on the horrific special effects … like Dame Judi Dench’s cat having, egads, human hands!

And they are not happy with how James Corden and Rebel Wilson dragged the movie at the Oscars while presenting the award for Best Visual Effects. And the group of over 4000 visual effects artists released an angry statement, calling out Hollywood for blaming the movie’s cat litter box office and reviews on how it looked:

“Last night, in presenting the Academy Award for outstanding visual effects, the producers chose to make visual effects the punchline, and suggested that bad VFX were to blame for the poor performance of the movie Cats.

The best visual effects in the world will not compensate for a story told badly.

On a night that is all about honoring the work of talented artists, it is immensely disappointing that The Academy made visual effects the butt of a joke. It demeaned the global community of expert VFX practitioners doing outstanding, challenging and visually stunning work to achieve the filmmakers’ vision. Our artists, technicians and innovators deserve respect for their remarkable contributions to filmed entertainment, and should not be presented as the all-too-convenient scapegoat in service for a laugh …

Moving forward, we hope that The Academy will properly honor the craft of visual effects–and all of the crafts, including cinematography and film editing–because we all deserve it.”

Like I said, Nerd Bash and you will get a letter!

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Oh god, when will someone take Wendy Williams show away from her? The big story on WW last month was that Wendy denied that she farted on her own show. Big news! And now, because that story no longer stinks the most, she’s gone after The Gays.

Last week Wendy turned a harmless bit about Galentine’s Day into a rant about gay men wanting to be women because, you know, homophobes think like that. Now, Wendy has been accused of transphobia in the past, especially when it came to both Chaz Bono and Caitlyn Jenner; she’s proven herself to be seriously stupid, but during Hot Topics last week, Wendy asked who in her audience was going to celebrate Galentine’s Day and when some men started clapping, she let them know that GD isn’t for them, and then she went off about how gay men want to be women.

“If you’re a man and you’re clapping, you’re not even a part of this. You don’t understand the rules of the day. It’s women going out and getting saucy and then going home. You’re not a part. I don’t care if you’re gay. You don’t get a menses every 28 days. You can do a lot that we do, but I get offended by the idea that we go through something you will never go through. And stop wearing our skirts and our heels. Just saying, girls, what do we have for ourselves? Looky here now, gay men, you’ll never be the women that we are. No matter how gay.”

Bitch is crazy … crazy stupid and homophobic and needs to be taken off air and hauled back to rehab.

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