The Fat Bastard: Stupid Is As Stupid Does

The Fat Bastard In Chief has been having a field day in Stupid of late—yes, even more than normal—and, well, as an early Christmas gift, here’s some of his idiocy …

First up, _____, having spent his holiday golfing for the 78th, 79th, and 80th time since he took office less than a year ago, took to Twitter to praise Fox News—whose lips were clearly attached to his sphincter—and to criticize CNN … again:

Naturally, CNN doesn’t suffer fools like Fox News does and so they replied to set _____ straight:

Earlier this month, when pressed about pedophile senate candidate Roy Moore, _____ tried to say he doesn’t watch much television:

“I do not watch much television. I know they like to say that. People that don’t know me, they like to say I watch television, people with fake sources. You know, fake reporters, fake sources. But I don’t get to watch much television. Primarily because of documents.”

Um, because of ‘documents’ or because Melania hid the remote?

After that little bit of buffoonery, comes the story that _____, likening himself to pedophile senate candidate Roy Moore, is now questioning the authenticity of those “Access Hollywood” tapes in which he brags about sexual assaulting women.

You know, the tapes we all heard, and the tapes for which he apologized for saying these things:

“When you’re a star, they let you do it.”

“I moved on her and I failed. I’ll admit it.”

“I did try and f**k her. She was married.”

“And I moved on her very heavily. In fact, I took her out furniture shopping. She wanted to get some furniture. I said, ‘I’ll show you where they have some nice furniture.’”

“I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.”

“I’ve gotta use some tic tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.”

“Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything. And when you’re a star they let you do it.”

Those are all direct quotes taking from an open mic during a _____ interview with Billy Bush and now, a year later, he’s trying to question their authenticity?

Why? Are there more tapes about to come out? More vile things the Fat Bastard said about women? And all this on the heels of him throwing his support behind Moore, who has been accused by at least nine women of various acts of inappropriate behavior, child sexual assault, and sexual assault including groping.

According to The New York Times _____ “sees the calls for Mr. Moore to step aside as a version of the response to the now-famous “Access Hollywood” tape, in which he boasted about grabbing women’s genitalia, and the flood of groping accusations against him that followed soon after. He suggested to a senator earlier this year that it was not authentic, and repeated that claim to an adviser more recently.”

Even though, hours after the tapes were released, _____ acknowledged that the voice was his, and he apologized. And he thinks we’ll buy that now? Well, maybe the Deplorables will get on board but …

And then _____ denigrated and diminished the service of U.S. troops fighting in the Middle East—including those who gave their lives—by saying it was a "mistake" they were there at all. And then he proceeded to tell these men and women, who didn’t use bone spurs as an excuse not to serve, but volunteered their service, that he would be talking with the dictatorial president of Turkey so he can ahem, get mid-East peace "done."

He then blamed the mess in the Middle East on Obama, even though wars have been fought there for centuries.

Yes, the President of the United States thinks he can secure Middle East peace with a phone call, but then he thought he could send Jared Kushner over there to fix it earlier this year and that went nowhere, so, yeah, he’s a fool.

Still, on this holiday weekend, when so many in our military are away from family and loved ones, the Commander-in-Chief-of-Bone-Spurs calls their sacrifice a "mistake."

And lastly, on his first Thanksgiving as Commander-in-Chief-of-Bone-Spurs, _____ teleconferenced with several different branches of the Armed Forces, including the 82nd Airborne Division, a fighting team so accomplished they are considered among the most highly-trained in the world.

The Fat Bastard spoke to them from his posh vacation home, in between rounds of golf, for a total of seven minutes.

Seven minutes is all our troops deserve from the president and he mostly complained about having the press in the room with him:

"You’re very, very special people to me, and to everyone in this country, that I can tell you. Surrounding me is a lot of press, better me than you, believe me fellas, better me than you … It’s an honor to speak with you all, to give God thanks for the blessing of freedom, heroes, tremendous courage, Very, very special people. It doesn’t get more special."

And then he spoke to members of the 82nd Airborne:

"I have to say just directly to the folks in Afghanistan: everybody’s talking about the progress you’ve made in the last few months since I opened it up. We opened it up, we said go ahead, we’re going to fight to win. We’re not fighting anymore to just walk around, we’re fighting to win, and you people are really, you’ve turned it around over the last three to four months like nobody’s seen, and they are talking about it, so thank you very much. Brave, incredible fighters."

But when he got to members of the Coast Guard near Kuwait, _____ told men and women at war this:

“For each of you. I know it’s hard to be away from home at this time of the year. We’re doing well at home. The economy is doing really great."

Yes, men and women fighting for their country should be happy to know that the economy is booming?

Then _____ took Melania to the U.S. Coast Guard Lake Worth Inlet Station in Riviera Beach so he could tell them:

“Incredible people, you’ve done an incredible job.”

And then he told them what he really thinks they're fighting for and it isn’t freedom … it isn’t democracy … it isn’t equality or even peace … but "something real" and "something good": a "record high stock market" and low unemployment.

"When you come back, you are going to see with the jobs and companies coming back into our country and the stock market just hit a record high. Unemployment is the lowest it’s been in 17 years. So you’re fighting for something real, you’re fighting for something good. A lot of things have happened with our country over the last very short period of time, and they’re really good, they’re really good. I especially like saying that companies are starting to come back. Now we’re working on tax cuts—big, fat, beautiful tax cuts. And hopefully we’ll get that and then you’re really going to see things happen.”

And then he told these men and women that this new economic boom and this higher stock market are good for their 401k's … The Coast Guard does not offer a 401k plans, though it does offer something similar.

And the seven minutes was up and he was gone … to golf.

Now, I’ll finish with this, anyone on the right, and we know the right is all about troops and morality and family values, can still think a man who grabs women by the pussy, a man who says a pedophile in the senate is a good thing, a man who shames our troops because he hasn’t a clue as to what they’re doing,  or what they’re giving up for their country, anyone who still thinks that Fat Bastard is fit to be president, can just stop.

You’re as a bad a liar as he is.

Fox and CNN

Pussy Grabbing Tapes

Middle East

Good Economy