Tuesday, August 07, 2012

The Height Of GOP Stupidity, Part Two: Larry "Wide-Stance-Foot-Tapping" Craig


I thought the GOP couldn’t get any dumber after this morning’s tale of South Carolina Senator, Lindsey Lohan, er, Graham’s, advice to layoff off government contractors to force Congress to do their jobs, but the, well, along came this:

Y’all remember former GOP senator, Larry Craig? The guy who was arrested in an airport bathroom for sitting on the john with his feet too far apart and tapping his foot, and then using his fingers to beg an undercover cop for sex? That guy? Who :::foot stomped::: and :::head snapped::: and told us he was not gay and yet he would resign, only then he didn’t resign he just faded away like an old queen?

Well, the Federal Election Commission [FEC] claims Larry The Foot Tapper used some $217,000 in campaign funds to defend himself against the allegations that he is a self-loathing, deeply closeted homosexual who was tricked into politicizing sex in a men’s room, and now the FEC wants the money back. And Craig is trying to stop the lawsuit by claiming that his infamous 2007 bathroom stall sex-sting arrest was, ahem, simply part of his official Senate business. See, Craig would like us to believe that his official business was to offer a report on the best airport bathrooms in which to hook-up anonymously for a little man-on-man action.

The FEC sued Craig saying he converted the campaign money to personal use money and then spent it on his legal defense after he was accused of soliciting sex in a Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport bathroom, but Craig says, with a straight face—just about the only part of him that is truly straight—that the money tied to his airport bathroom trip was neither for personal use or his campaign, but rather it was part of his official, reimbursable duties as senator because he was traveling between Idaho and the nation's capital for work.

Or sex.

And Larry cites a Senate rule in which reimbursable per diem expenses include all charges for meals, lodging, hotel fans, cleaning, pressing of clothing, and bathroom sex, I guess. His lawyer, Andrew Herman, says, “Not only was the trip itself constitutionally required, but Senate rules sanction reimbursement for any cost relating to a senator's use of a bathroom while on official travel.”

So, then Craig can argue that if he uses a bathroom to engage in anonymous homosexual sex, he should be able to claim it as a reimbursable expense. Sex. Reimbursable. Wow.

But, um, Larry, honey, darling? If you wish to have us believe that you can use your per diem to pay for “bathroom expenses” and you were arrested for trying to have sex with a man in a bathroom, then that whole I’m not gay dance you did was just a big fat lie and you’re just a big old queer who got busted for trying to jerk off a cop.

 The height of stupidity. And no one believes you Larry. You’re queer, dear.

4 comments:

the dogs mother said...

Wait a minute.... I'm paying for my representatives to use the potty? It costs to use the potty? Do people out east (where all suspect things happen...) pay to use the potty?

Wonder Man said...

mess on a stick

anne marie in philly said...

OMFG, isn't it amazing that the redumblicans constantly decry the moral state of amerikkka, but they have the worst moral code EVAH? (paging mr. frothy mix santorum!)

just pray away the gay, larry; perhaps marcia bachmann can "help" you become the "man" you really are :)

PS - word is "dhators"; d h8ers!

Biki said...

Good lord, I'm sure someone in his childhood explained to him that lying was wrong. But then he is in a a deep dark closet, so maybe he missed that lecture.