Friday, August 17, 2012

PR10EP5: One Way Monkey

Quelle drama!
A team challenge sends the deisgntestants over the edge because none of them wants to work with anyone else, which, you know, bodes well for a career in fashion when you have to work with just about everyone.
I see  bitchfights a'coming!
The challenge this week is divide into two teams and create a micro-collection for the strong, professional woman. Each team will then direct a photo shoot for their work, and the winning team will have their collection photographs featured in Marie Claire @ Work, an off-shoot of Marie Claire, um, not at work.
As last week's winner Sonjia gets to be on one team and she picks Elena, who picks Melissa who picks Dmitry who picks Alicia who is left to pick between Gunnar and Raul and, well, she believes the lesser of two evils is Raul. Yeah. Not so much.
Nathan is the first on his team, and he picks Ven, who picks Christopher, who picks Fabio, who picks Gunnar, who mutters and squeaks about how he doesn't wanna be on a team and he hates everyone. It'll be good. Or not.
And since this is a team leader-less challenge, they will be called Team 6, aka Team Hot Mess, and Team 5, aka Team Silk Chiffonzi. Since Hot Mess has 6 designers, they will need to show six looks, while the Chiffonzi's show just five.
The teams sit down to strategize and organize and designerize, and the drama starts at once, so let's rip.....
Elena & Alicia
Though she is not the leader, Sonjia suggests that they all play to their strengths, and not have each designer be responsible for one look. Alicia will do two pants, while Sonjia does two skits and Elena does two jackets. Raul does a two-step into oblivion. 
Okay, not just yet. 
Raul will do two tops, though he wants, whines,  to do pants and he doesn't wanna compromise or play well with others. Raul's pout sets in and becomes a permanent fixture this week. Dmitry will do a dress, and Melissa will do a dress. They're the lucky ones.
That's all Team Hot Mess can decide on, so when they get to Mood it's a giant clusterfuck of what to buy and how much and don't get lace, and where's the blue and how about a pattern. I'd had high hopes for 6 but it's sinking fast.
Elena & Alicia
At Mood, listening to Elena and Melissa make fabric suggestions, Raul, aka Team Player, says, "This is about six designers, not one or two." Then he sets out to pick his own fabrics in his own colors and he'll do his own designs and everyone else will have to make their designs fit with his. Pot.Kettle.Raul.
They are such a mess, each one going their own way that it isn't until they get back from Mood that they realize they've lost a bag of fabrics. Elena fabrics. 
Even I know this won't be good because, well, it's Elena. The f-bombs drop left and right as she storms through the workroom like Godzilla attacking Tokyo. Christopher looks on in horror, and mutters, "She's an animal."
He runs for the hills.
It's funny watching this team. Sonjia runs around to everyone, checking in, while Dmitry--so becoming my favorite--and Melissa just settle in and work. Raul bitches about Elena and how she won't compromise, while he can't compromise; Elena calls Raul out for not being a team player, while she wants the team to play by her rules. She hates the blue that Dmitry chose, and she hates the lace that Raul chose, and, in fact, she hates all the fabrics they have--except, I'm guessing, for the bag of lost fabrics, which I think are less lost and more runaway fabrics.
Raul works on his "Flapping fish fin" ruffles, as Gunnar calls them, and I think I have a new word for how Gunnar speaks: Flapping fish fins. It works.
Seriously. listen the next time he speaks and see if you don't think Flapping Fish Fins.
You're welcome.
Sonjia is making two skirts to go with Raul's two tops, but Raul can't even bother to give her a sketch of his second look so she can create. He doesn't know what he's doing, how he's doing it, or what fabric he's using, but it'll be a vest. Then it's a tank top.
Aah, Raul. I hear the sound of ominous drumming in your future. Again.
Meanwhile, back at F-bomb, er, Elena, she keeps side-eyeing the Silk Chiffonzi's and picking apart their fabric choices,. What woman wears silk to work, she asks. How impractical is that? she asks. Then she sets about making a blouse with shoulders the size of a Toyota Corolla because nothing says practical like "I have to turn sideways to walk through a door."
Raul & Sonjia
Elena tries on Raul's vest/tank top, and, well, even her boobs are too big for it, and the fit is all wrong. "He can't sew darts," she says, though his eyes sling darts very nicely. And she gets mini points for calling him Eddie Munster.
But Dmitry, along with being one of my favorite designers for the past couple of weeks, gets maxi-points for coming up with some of the best lines of the night: 
"Everyone hates Elena. Even if they say they like her, they hate her."
And he's right. 
But, for sheer unadulterated, language barrier joy--and living with Carlos I know all about that--Dmirty gets the Line of the Night trophy for saying, of Ven, "He's a One Way Monkey...Oh...No...He's a One Trick Pony."
Raul & Sonjia
I like One Way Monkey best.
At the photo shoot, Elena plays drill sergeant, ordering the designers to sew and to make leather cuffs, and telling the models to get to make-up, and demanding the tanks roll single-file through Red Square. She is so bossy, even the makeup artists turn on her. She hates everything. The pictures. The props, The models. Raul.
"She looks like she's taking a sh*t," Elena screams at no one. Melissa then suggests that Elena "do what you want to do."
"Don't you f**king talk to me like that," Elena says politely.
Dmitry was right. Everyone hates Elena.
Melissa's look is cool, and not black. That's nice. I like the collar, but not the color; 80s blue was over in the 80s. I do like the curvy zipper detail, though. The first of Elena & Alicia comes down the runway, and I like the pants, though the crotch seems a little loose and baggy and saggy. Elena's simple jacket, with leather sleeves is nice, though. But their second look? Well, Alicia's wide-legged trousers are cool, but Elena's padded shoulders are just ridiculous. What woman says she wants to look like a Vampire Linebacker?
Except a Vampire Linebacker?
Raul and Sonjia's first look is okay, though Raul's ruffles shirt looks too TJ Maxx for the PR, and Sonjia's skirt seems too simple, and too 80s blue. Their second look was a half hit. Sonjia's skirt was very interestingly draped, though it was paired with Raul's Vest/Tank which looked a little TJ Maxx knock-off.
The winner from the group was Dmitry, for me, His look was sleek and sexy, and even the little cut out in the back, showing a tiny bit of skin, would work in an office if she wore a coat. Plus, Dmitry gets points for making his stuff look impeccable. And for making me laugh.
Nina called their looks modern and editorial. She loved Melissa's dress, and raved about Alicia's baggy pants and straight legged pants. Kors agreed, but couldn't wait to talk about Raul's Ruffles. Sad, Badly made. Ugly fabric. Heidi hated them, too, and Joanna Coles....well, it was Group Hate for the ruffles.
But Coles, who thought Elena's sleeves looked fine in  a professional office, thought Dmitry's tiny cut-out was too sexy for work. Seriously. Big shoulders are in, but two square inches of back are out. I was so hoping that they would all dare Coles to wear Elena's Monster Sleeves to work and not become the Marie Claire Laughingstock.
The whole team, except Raul and Dmitry, picked Raul to go. Raul picked Elena, not because she's a bad designer but because he hates her, and Dmitry picked Elena because she doesn't play nice.
In the end, Raul got the Second Aufing. I'm hoping no one else walks away in the middle of the night and they don't bring him back again.

Nathan suggests they do a Fall collection, with some color, and instantly it becomes Black and White and a pattern fabric in, as Gunnar says Barney Purple, Fuchsia's and 80s Blue. He suggests a touch of nautical and the others act like they heard nothing. Gunnar goes into Pissy Mode.
He tells us that he doesn't "want to work with these f**king people" so you know he'll go far in fashion. he'll design and pattern and sew and sell and market and drive his work from store to store rather than work with f**king people.
He feels the group is really Nathan and Christopher and Ven and that he's being thought of as just the tailor and he "don't do that sh*t." His voice gets higher, more nasal, and suddenly dogs all over Smallville are howling. I have to mute the TV for the rest of the episode whenever Gunnar speaks. And, well, I like it like that.
After the critique from Tim, where Adult Gunnar gives everyone the silent treatment, he decides to scrap his look and screw his team and make the dress he wants to make, even if it doesn't fit with the rest of the scheme.
We get it.
But, other than Gunnar, Team 5 gets along quite well. They are all Chip'n'Dale, and after you and no, after you. It's kind of annoying, which is kind of how I felt about their collection. It was safe and sound and just kinda there. Nothing special.
Nathan's look, while pretty, doesn't say strong professional working woman to me. It says, "Hey everyone! says Ida Lupino is guest starring on The Love Boat next week!"
I mean, unless you're the cruise director, what woman wears that to work? 
It's all sporty resorty, and the weird pleat at the front of the pant makes them look like the model lost about fifty pounds and needs to fold the pants over and belt them just to make them fit. It's not good.
But at least it's something new. 
Christopher's look is an ill-fitting, puckering black jacket over a basic white shirt. Bad enough, but the skirt, made from the resort-wear print, is manipulated in the same exact way that his evening gown was done in EP1, and his second look was done in EP1, too. And one of his other looks, too. He does this pleating and shredding all over the place. And I wonder, what professional working woman wants to show up at the office with a thousand-and-one loose threads hanging from your skirt?
A total One Way Monkey.
Speaking of whom....
Ven made a blouse and a skirt. Who knew? And it's got the same origami folding technique he's used many times before, though, this time, it's not a rose. Maybe he's a Two Way Monkey.
Maybe he doesn't go to the tents.
As Gunnar's look walks the runway, I think the boobs look wonky, and when a gay man notices wonky boobs, you gotta know that the boobs are wonky. 
Heidi, however, one ups me and calls them  "floating souffle boobs." Joanna Coles plays the "two dogs fighting inside the blouse" card.
It's sad. It's Gunnar sad. It's Howler One Way Shrieking Monkey Sad.
Fabio's look is simple. Too simple, I think. And, well, he puts a mini-turban on the model's head. Last week, Kors told Fabio to bring some of his own personal style onto the runway so Fabio slaps together a mini-turban? Honey. No.
Nina felt that Team 5 looked like a real collection, but then she lost me completely when she complimented Christopher's skirt without once mentioning that we'd seen it before, and before that. Kors reined it back in by commenting on Christopher's 'trademark' skirt in the old lady fabric. Nice dig; point, Kors. And he scored more points for questioning the mini-turban, though he raved about Fabio's dress being right for any woman from twenty to sixty. I can't see sixty in that, unless sixty has lost her mind.
Nina questioned Nathan's pants and said his intentional origami pleat looked like he was trying to cover a mistake. Not good. She called his look matronly and leisure.
Ida Lupino. Love Boat. I said it first.
Joanna Coles loved the whole easy, breeziness of the collection, and even loved the turban. Heidi liked that the Silk Chiffonzi's seemed to represent different age groups though she wondered what age group might best want Gunnar's mess. For me, it was the age group in the closed casket service. Kors called it unflatteringly pleated, and then Gunnar unflatteringly bleated that he liked it.
That was enough; with the exception of Fabio, the entire team said Gunnar should go home.
He didn't sadly.

What did YOU think?


R.J. said...

Raul had to go. He doesn't have it.

Gunnar won't make it to the tents. I know there's at least one more pair or team challenge before we get to the last four or five designtestants.

I really like Sonjia and Melissa. I think they can make plans for the tents now.

the dogs mother said...

Dmitry - we ran back the recording to catch his One Way Monkey - loves him!!!
Poor Elena - it hasn't been leaked but I wonder if there is some hostage taking or leaping off of Parsons in her future episodes?
We didn't see much working women clothing in the bunch. The key is *working*, not smoldering in your chair posing with a handbag over your arm.
Next week - AK! plus size women. eeeek, eeewie. Lifetime look at your audience - is is wise to piss them off??