Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Fashion Show

This week the designers were charged with creating ball gowns for high society women to wear to a gala.
Unfortunately, all the high-society women were out of town, so the designers were forced to design for the Real housewives of Orange County and the Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Seriously. High society? More like someone was high when they came up with this idea.
The OC housewives are boobs with boobs and blond hair and teeth whiter than the sun, while the Jersey gals seemed like they'd be more comfortable cutting off a horses head to leave in a bed somewhere.
It was a clusterfuck of epic proportions. Morally, and financially, bankrupt Teresa was saddled with Calvin, and there was a bitchslap about to go down. Teresa thought her dress look like a dress one might wear if you worked at a place called Scores and did lap dances; she should know.
Gretchen, of the OC, busted a seam in her mermaid dress because she wore Spanks, or Spanx, or she got spanked, before the measurements were taken, then she left that particular piece of body armor on the hotel floor next to the open mini-bar.
Caroline in New Jersey looked like a linebacker in chiffon, while Lauri, of the OC and an awkward face-lift, seemed to be ruffled and pinned and squeezed into a flesh colored mess. Her daughter Ashley was given a giant lampshade to wear, not on her head, but around her waist; there were more hoops in that gown than in the entire NBA.
Jacqueline, Littler Miss New Jersey Milquetoast, wore some ribbon-y, chiffon-y, coverup that would be best suited fort a hospital gown, while Dina, who left the Jersey Wives, but might be coming back, was given a fabulous dress by hottie Eduardo--or as we say in Smallville, muy caliente Eduardo.
And, of course Eduardo won, making this his third win; and of course, Calvin had a meltdown, both with Teresa, for whom he made two dresses and then couldn't get her to settle on one, and with Caroline, who could snap him like a little gaysian twig.
It was all trainwreck-y, and just a little too over-the-top.
the only time I paid any real attention was when Iman snapped, "Don't move."
I stayed in my chair until two hours after the show was over in fear.

3 comments:

Rabbit said...

While this season is better than last, it's still a mess. Makes you wonder just how drunk Andy Cohen and Co get whilst filming Watch What the F--k We Come Up with Next.

froggy said...

Lampshade!! Yes, perfect description beyond awful, horrible and ak!

Joy said...

There were some awful concoctions for sure! You said what I was thinking while watching it. AND I stay in my chair when Iman says "don't move" too. She is scary!