So, here we are in Week 4, and the challenge is to design for a real woman, as opposed to models, whom we all know are fake woman, i.e. men in drag. I kid. Well, maybe not.
The goal is to make a dress for the Campbell's Soup Red Dress Gala for heart disease, and all of the women modeling the dresses have been impacted by heart disease. So, naturally, each of the designers broke out the tears, while most of the woman seemed happy to be alive. It took Anthony just a second to snap, "Quit the tears." and then they were off.
As usual, there were some criteria for the challenge; it had to be red, naturally, and needed to incorporate some form of Campbell's branding. For a moment, I pictured SethAaron actually using a branding iron on a model. I.Was.Terrified.
Now, I love me some soup, and, well, I love me some fashion, but soup fashion? It kinda made me long for Ping who would have made a dress in the shape of a soup can, with chicken noodle fringe.
SethAaron loved his client; she came up with great ideas, and he shared his thoughts. They came together for a cohesive team until Day 2 when the model said she wanted something Grecian? Grecian soup? Sounds delish, sprinkled with some Feta Cheese and Kalamata Olives, but.....where was I? The dress. So, SethAaron scraps his design and goes all goddess-y and drape-y, until Tim comes by and says he isn't giving it the "Seth Aaron," whatever that means. So, Seth scraps Greek, and comes up with this, much more flattering, SethAaron-y dress. And his model worked it; she wooooooooooorked it on the runway. She sashayed; she shantayed; she Minestroned. RuPaul would have been proud.
SethAaron was safe. And, in the interests of open dialogue, how cute was SethAaron dressed all plaid and suspendered and glasses and slicked back hair. I do so loves me a nerd.
The challenge was to make a gown for a gala, and Jonathan was one of the few that made an actual gown. It was gorgeous, and I even like the tiered thing-y going on. And, without going overboard, he incorporated the Campbell's branding. It was pure fashion Vichyssoise.
Nicely done, and I thought it should have been Top Three instead of just safe.
Jay Nicholas went for Tomato Soup. You know it's good for you, but you don't really care for it. The design was lukewarm, at best, and could have used a liberal sprinkling of Saltines. And that poor model walked the runway as if she was an actual can of soup; was Jay Pinging his design? I mean, seriously, it left me Won Ton more.
Still, simple basic soup is always safe.
Janeane went for the classic Saloon Girl soup. The flouncy bits at the top, and the bubble hem with the slip of beige chiffon, was a little to Mild Mild West for me. And later on, they busted my boyfriend Jesse for the Campbell's Soup brand flower, but they gave Janeane a pass. Seriously, this dress looks like a reject from Annie Get Your Mulligatawney, that old MGM musical about the soup wars of the 1880s.
Janeane goes safe, while I throw up a little Chowder.
Emilio went simple. Too simple. This doesn't say gala. This doesn't say gown, This says, I was sitting around my house eating soup, and then realized I wanted a grilled cheese but had no bread so i threw on this old thing and ran down to the Piggly Wiggly. It's cute, but it's dull, and it made me think that the model was pregnant or spent too much time at the All-You-Can-Eat-Soup-Buffet. I was Borscht by it.
Safe, but so sorry Emilio, I no likee.
This is Ben's Ode To All Things Campbell. And he used the gold from the label which was nice to see. I like the like logo trim along the slit, but the dress is a little too Campbell's Cream of, well, Cream. It's kind of dull, and makes me wonder: which one is Ben?
Oh, yeah, he's middle of the road, safe Ben.
Now, for me, Anthony came through on this. It's pretty, though it doesn't say Gala Gown. It says more Gala Gown Secretary who forgot to get the programs from the printer so she's running in quick to drop them off. It's very pretty; moves well; the model looks fab-u-lous, but it doesn't say party, unless it's an office party on the Campbell's Soup loading dock.
Anthony is safe.
Jesse, who I have a wee crush on whenever SethAaron isn't looking nerdy, went Bottom Three, so I was worried; Bottom.Three. Though sounds like a party, but I digress.
Jesse had Pinged his way to the bottom last week, and I was a'scurred. The dress itself is actually quite pretty, and even Nina said she loved the neckline, but why oh why he chose to pair it with what looks like a canvas shorty coat is a mystery. I think Jesse opened up a whole can of Campbell's Worm Soup with this mess. Kors called it a "majorette" looking thing, and they all thought it looked like a costume. Now, I didn't get that because I saw some other costume-y looking mother effin' dressing doing the runway stroll last night. Yes. I'm lookin' at you, Mila!
But, Jesse is safe because of the dress, not because of the jacket.
Now, this is Anna. And, from the looks of this thing, Anna doesn't like soup. The dress makes her model look like a linebacker, and that beige fabric, well, if it was meant to disappear, she should have made the entire dress out of it. I seriously thought the woman had forgotten to remove her, um, underthings, and they were poking out of the top of the dress. Kors said it was a bad cut, and that it looked like a bag. Bag.Of.Soup.
Anna, however, is safe.
Jesus. Jesus, Jesus. Even the real Baby Jeebus couldn't have saved you. He could have walked on Vegetable Beef and you still would have been sent packing. As Kors said, Jesus took every tacky idea imaginable and then made a dress, and then Gazpacho'd some rhinestone straps on it as :::cough cough::: an accent. I mean, it shines, it has Campbell's Logo Pleats along the sides, it's short, it has bejeweled straps. Jesus needs to edit.
Instead, he ate it. Buh-bye Jesus. Four weeks of crap, and near crap, doesn't get you to Bryant Park, honey.
Mila. Now, I'll get to you and this costume-y looking salute to Campbell's Soup'n'Stars. The judges loved it. Loved it, and I kept thinking she looks like she should be a parade float. I like the top, and the Campbell's logo trim detail. I like the star at her waist. But that giant mother effin' star on the side scares Jesus right off the stage. It looked tacky, and costume-y and too literal to me, and yet Mila is Top Three.
I think she is a Russian Spy and they're tyring to goad her into a false sense of security while Moose and Squirrel make a boat out of soup cans and flee the country safely.
I think too much.
I think Mila should have been Bottom Three.
This is Little Mila, I mean, Maya and her salute to soup. I think she got a little too into the draping thing; she seemed to be Chicken Consumee'd--see what I did there? I meant consumed, but, since it's about soup, I said consumee....I'll stop.
The judges kinda likee; they get that she did a play on Healthy Heart with the bodice, and she did use the gold from the label, but the draping looks a little cheap; Scarlet O'Hara did better and there was a war on when she was on PR.
But Little Mila is safe.
Amy, then, is the winner of the Soup Is Good For You challenge. I loved her dress. It flowed and flirted. It was fun and elegant. It's frothy, it's...it's...it's Broth'y. It looked like liquid soup....wait....soup is liquid. Whatever. It was pretty, and actually looked gala and gown.
Amy gets immunized for next weeks challenge.
See, soup is good for you.
There isn't much more to say about it, or the show, except, I think they should separate the Mila's and the Maya's; they are beginning to walk alike and talk alike and act alike and dress alike, what a crazy pair. And Jesse needs to step it up, and SethAaron needs to stick with nerdy, and Anthony, well, he needs to stay being Anthony because that girl cracks me up.
Fashion Assassin. Out.