Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Here it is, another of those "anniversaries" that you don't celebrate, and yet don't ever forget.

My Mom died of cancer three years ago today, and, while, as I've always said, it never gets easier, it does somehow get better.

As a child, we believe all sorts of things. We believe bunny rabbits sneak into our houses and leave money under our pillows in an exchange for an old tooth; we believe reindeer fly and an old guy in a red suit can come down your chimney--even if you don't have a chimney--bearing gifts.

And we believe our parents will live forever.

But as we grow, we learn the truth about bunnies with coins, and Santa Claus. We realize that many of our childhood wishes and dreams are just that, wishes and dreams, but, somehow, we still believe our parents will live forever.

And they don't.

I sit in my kitchen and I can picture my Mom across the kitchen table from me even though she never saw this house. If I hear a funny joke I hear her laughter. When I'm making dinner for Carlos and me, and I make enough to feed a family of ten, I think of my Mom and how she always made extra for leftovers.


Leftover memories, but no new ones. And that's the scary part. I'll have no new memories of my Mom. So, today, especially, I'll remember the good memories of my Mom.

I'll remember how she ended every phone call with Bye bye sweetie, I love you.

I'll remember her smile. and her laugh. And how she'd say, in mock surprise, Bobby! every time I said or did something crazy.,

I'll remember the time she died her hair platinum blond and I thought she was the most beautiful woman on earth.

And I'll remember her with no hair, undergoing cancer treatment and still thinking she was the most beautiful woman on earth.

I'll remember being in school on a cold rainy day and knowing that Mom would be home making Clam Chowder. The best chowder ever.

I'll remember my Mom pushing a snowblower around the deck at their house in Blue Canyon.

I'll remember coffee and crossword puzzles. Housecoats.

I'll remember our Day After Awards Show phone calls when we'd compare notes over who won, who wore what, and who we liked and didn't like.

I'll remember how she loved to paint, and how we have some of her work in our house now, and how proud I feel when people say they like it.

I'll remember how she welcomed Carlos into the family like he'd been there all along.

I'll remember how much she loved my Dad, and her kids, and her friends, and her dogs.

I'll remember Thanksgiving, with Mom doing all the cooking, and how much she loved doing that for her family and friends.

I'll remember being there on that day, three years ago, when she left us, and feeling grateful to have had her for as I long as I did, and feeling loved, and feeling happy that she was peaceful again.

I'll just remember.


RAD said...

my momma is battling canccer now...its tough....My heart hears and is with you man...Big and tight hugs to you....

Dan said...

Oh Bob, thank you for sharring this. Even with all the issues I have with my mother, I am not looking forward to this day.


Ultra Dave said...

Great post. I'm glad you have your memories.

Paul Benjamin said...

Thanks for sharing this with us. At least the memories are so memorable and great, that you will always have them with you.

You're amazing!


I'm so touched by this post darling!
Your mom sounds like a sweetheart~
Treasure those memories always!
She must be very proud of you...

David Dust said...

This was a beautiful remembrance of a beautiful woman.


Old Midhurstian said...

Beautiful words, Bob and thanks for sharing your memories of a wonderful woman.

Robert Peterson said...

Your mom sounds like she was a truly amazing, wonderful, caring, and loving person. I know she is proud of her son. What a great post. Thank you for sharing.

Tai said...

Sweetheart with beautiful words. This is the best entry of the day. I really enjoy reading it. Thank Bob for sharing ultimately beautiful memories.

Beth said...

What beautiful pictures of your Mom, and what a beautiful tribute. {{hugs}}

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Very touching entry. It is never easy losing a parent, especially when we have a special relationship with them. I lost my Dad in 1990, and now that my Mom is up here and I visit twice per week, that future day will be much harder. Hugs to you friend.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear but happy you're getting better.

My mother died of metastatic breast cancer on Friday October 13, 1978. She was 32 years old.

Dad remarried and she was a wonderful woman too. She died September 20, 200 at age 50 from metastatic colon cancer.

When I think about all the death I've seen in my 45 years it's sort of sobering. My uncle at age 42 from a cirrhotic liver due to drinking and drugs... and the list goes on.

Jim said...

Thank you for sharing your memories! Keep your thoughts about her alive in your heart and mind. It's been almost 3 year ago that I lost my mom and I still miss her.

Kyle said...

A wonderful tribute to your mom. Bask in the glory of her memories Bob. I do in the memories of my mom. You are right it never gets easier, but it does get better.

Mark in DE said...

Thanks for sharing your memories with us. Sending you big, warm, virtual hugs.