A Straight Person's Guide To Gay Pride

It's a little late, but I saw this on Gawker and thought I'd share it:

A Straight Person's Guide To Gay Pride

by Brian Moylan
If you are a opposite-gender lover you may not know this is Gay Pride Weekend in New York. You should come join the party! But first, here are a few things you need to know before joining the fun.

If Halloween is Gay Christmas and the Oscars is the Gay Super Bowl, then Pride is Gay Fourth of July. There are picnics and fireworks and lots of drinking and it's all about freedom! Pride isn't really one single occurrence. Much like Mardi Gras in New Orleans, it is a collection of parades, rallies, parties, private events, functions, fundraisers, and bead throwing. So, one doesn't so much "go to Pride" as one "does Pride." Every gay observes it differently, but it really is the one time of the year when all the leather daddies, bull dykes, twinks, alternaqueers, trannies, drag queens, femmes, circuit boys, bois (who are actually girls), and all the other wonderful gay archetypes rub elbows in a giant celebration of living somewhere over the rainbow.

While the day is all about being gayer than Liza Minnelli singing "Single Ladies" in a Sex and the City movie, we love it when our straight allies come out and lend their support. If you want to join in, here are some handy tips to keep in mind.

• The first Gay Pride parade was really a march through the streets of New York to protest the unfair treatment of gay men by police at the Stonewall Inn in 1969. We now mark the infamous Stonewall Riots every June with a parade through town. It is no longer very political. It's mostly about corporations telling us that they're "down with the gays" and an excuse for gay people party. Don't judge us.
• In New York, the major event is the Gay Pride March, which goes down Fifth Avenue in Midtown before snaking through Greenwich village before stopping at Christopher Street, where the Stonewall Riots took place. The people who go to the parade are out-of-towners, the very young, the very old, every lesbian who lives in the suburbs, and straight people. Please go, you'll fit right in.
• OK, the real main event for the boys is the Dance on the Pier, a giant outdoors dance party on the Hudson River. There's usually a surprise performer who comes out and does a number at the end of the party. If you want to send any gay into a tizzy between now and Sunday, tell them you heard Lady Gaga is going to be at the Pier Dance.
• Seriously, every gay bar is going to be packed all weekend, so if you want a festive good time, just go to your neighborhood homo watering hole. Just watch out though, because you may walk yourself square into a theme party and not have anything to wear!
• While watching the parade, every float will basically be either a gay group (charitable, social, activist, religious, or otherwise) or a a bunch of men wearing little clothing and lots of body glitter. No matter which of the two these are, they will be dancing to one of the same three dance remixes—probably Gaga. Once you've heard "Bad Romance" for the fiftieth time, feel free to take revenge by using the little "Gaga at the Pier Dance" trick we just taught you.
• If you're going to come to an event, even the parade, you need to work a look. Straight girls, you better not leave the house looking all half-assed, because there will be a ton of semi-drunk professional stylists walking around and they will want to read you (and if you don't know what reading is, please Netflix Paris Is Burning before going to Pride). Do your makeup, shave your legs, paint your toes, and then dress! But not too much, you don't need anyone thinking you're a drag queen. Boys, you'll be fine, as long as you're hot. And if you are, you should take your shirt off. If being an objectified piece of beef is the one thing you do for your gay neighbors all year, that is enough. And if you really want to drive them wild, wear a harness.
• And that goes in reverse. Never, ever, ever, ever tell a drag queen that you can do hair and makeup better than she can, even if she is wearing a ratty wig and some globby pancake makeup over two days of beard. You probably have better makeup skills, but they are way more vicious, and they will make you cry. Even at Pride.
• Yes, we know all the lesbians look like Justin Bieber. Stop telling us.
• The first places where gay people could freely congregate were bars and still, to this day, most Pride celebrations are bar centric. Just because we want to hang out at a place that is overly decorated with rainbow banners and has hot shirtless straight boys slinging drinks doesn't mean that we're a bunch of drunks. Don't judge us.
• Girls, we love having you in gay bars, even when it is super crowded and we're trying to get laid. Just one rule. No shrieking! This is Gay Pride, not a bachelorette party. And nothing makes a gay's testicles retract back into their body like drunk girls screaming.
• Also, ladies, don't show your support by making out with another straight girl. This isn't a frat party. However, if a dyke on a bike calls you her bitch and tries to jam her tongue down your throat, you'd better let her.
• Straight guys, if you want to make out with another dude, especially for the first time, this is completely acceptable—especially if you're hot.
• Oh, guys. If you see anyone that you want to remotely have sex with, it's either a fag hag or a drag queen. They will both flirt back with you, just make sure you know which is which, because one has a "surprise."
• For the last time, they are not "assless chaps." All chaps are inherently assless, so saying "assless chaps" is as redundant as saying "fingerless mittens." If you see some guy with a pasty, hairy, tush waddling around in a pair, just say "Ew!" and point. That's what the gays do.
• Lots of lesbians have children, whether from adoption, sperm donors, or previous relationships. Do not mess with the lesbians' children. If you think regular Park Slope mothers are vicious when it comes to their kids, you don't even want to find out what happens when you get between a lesbian and her cubs. Also, gay men treat their little dogs like children, so be careful of them too. Yes, it's stupid, but it's our only choice. Don't judge us.
• If you go to any sort of Gay Pride dance party and someone puts a bottle under your nose, do not inhale. These are poppers and they are a secret gay elixir. We don't want straight people knowing how good they are, so please don't try them. The last thing we need is a shortage of Rush thanks to you guys!
• We know you want to show your support, but no rainbows. Not on hats, pins, necklaces, leis, or boas. They're good enough for flags and decorations, but actually adorning one's body with a rainbow is just tacky. Trust us.
• The soundtrack for the day is stereotypical gay jams: Madonna, Indigo Girls, house anthems, Melissa Etheridge, Katy Perry, Beyoncé. Steel yourself.
• Remember, this day is all about the gays. It's like you're a Red Sox fan at Yankee Stadium. You need to just go along with what's happening. Even if you don't like it or get uncomfortable, take a deep breath and try to fit in. Every other day of the year is Straight Pride Day, and today, you play by our rules.
• Feel free to stare. That's what Pride is all about. And if we were ashamed, we wouldn't be out in public like this in the first place!

I've Seen The Future And It's Looks Like Constance McMillen

If you remember back to springtime, that was when I first wrote about Constance McMillen, a Mississippi high school senior who garnered a bit of notoriety because she wanted to take her girlfriend top prom.

Oy, such a ruckus!

In fact, it caused such havoc in Mississippi, that the Itawamba County school district cancelled the prom outright, rather then allow a lesbian attend with the date of her choice. Then, of course, we learned that the town would throw a prom, and would invite Constance, and her girlfriend. Only trouble there was that the parents, and I use the word 'parents' loosely, staged a decoy prom for a handful of exchange students, and students with disabilities, and Constance McMillen. The other students attended a prom some 30 miles away.

This might break a lot of students. I mean, think back to your high school years. Could you have tried to fight like Constance did? Would you have even tried? I know that I wasn't even out in high school, so this never would have been an issue. But Constance has prevailed, while the rest of her bigoted schoolmates, and their parents, will forever be remembered as hateful liars and deceivers.

Constance was a guest on the Ellen Degeneres Show. DeGeneres declared Constance an inspiration to all of us and presented her with a check for a $30,000 college scholarship. The funds for that scholarship came from an anonymous donor who wanted to help throw Constance a prom. McMillen didn't want a special prom, so the money was redirected to a scholarship fund.

"I know I will continue to be an activist because through all of this, I have met a lot of people. I have heard a lot of horror stories so it's really made me realize how important it is to be an activist. Because, you hear some of these stories and you are like, 'how can you not be an activist?' You know, because some of them are really heartbreaking."

Constance was a Grand Marshall in the New York City Gay Pride Parade.

"I think it's really just because of the way I have been raised. I have always been raised to stand up for myself and I have always been raised to be proud of myself — so a combination of those. I really couldn't do anything else if I was going to be true to myself."

Constance spoke at Mayor Michael Bloomberg's annual Pride Week BBQ.

"There is something special about everybody. So I think that you should embrace who you are because if everybody was the same, then the world would be very boring."

Constance counts among her admirers the President of the United States.

"I know it will change, it’s really just a matter of time because you can tell that my generation, they really don’t care so much about people being gay. You know they might be like, 'well I wouldn’t be gay because that’s wrong,' they might not think it’s OK, but they don’t really think so much about it when somebody else is gay. They just kind of go on with their life. I think that as the generations go by, there will be more and more tolerance because more people are coming out. And that’s a big thing. The more people that come out and the more cases that people hear about, the more that people will get to know gay people. Then I think that there will be more equality and eventually, simply equality."

Constance also appeared on The Wanda Sykes Show. Sykes surprised Constance with an invitation to the GLAAD Media Awards so she could present her with the Stephen F. Kolzak award.

So, while she may be just a girl, fresh from high school, Constance is well on her way to being a strong and vocal representative of the LGBT community. Perhaps the people of Itawamba County thought they could keep her down; perhaps the school district thought she'd simply follow along. But Constance McMillen won't follow, and she won't stay down.

If she's the future of the LGBT community, then it's a bright future indeed.

Honest Abe: Clairvoyant

*


*blatantly stolen from Jim at HeftyInfo. Check him out.

Barry Wong Is Very Wrong

Barry Wong is running for a seat on the Arizona Corporation Commission; the ARIZONA Corporation Commission, remember. So, how does he plan to get elected?

Well, Barry Wong says he he wants to save utility customers from future rate hikes, and the only way to do so is to shut off the power, and other utilities, to illegal immigrants in the state.

It's the Jan Brewer Fascist Plan For Election.

Wong says, “We shoulder and we all share the costs. Granted they pay for it, but as we use more electricity overall then utilities will have to eventually build more power plants.”

Hmmm, they pay for it, and they use it, and that would require the building of more power plants, which would create more jobs and help the economy of states like, oh, I don't know, Arizona, and then maybe they could enact some sort of amnesty program and these illegals could become employed, taxpaying citizens, something that would also help the state of Arizona.

But, nope. Let's cut off their utilities.

If illegal immigrants have their utilities turned off, Wong, whose own grandparents immigrated to the United State from China, predicts it would keep costs down for everyone else. His plan would start off by having utility companies verify the immigration status of new customers, and then he would focus on finding existing customers in the country illegally.

Then cut off their power and their water.

Welcome to America, legally or otherwise.

Glenn Hamer, President and CEO of Arizona Chamber of Commerce and Industry, blasted Wong in a written letter: "Today is the third day in a row when Phoenix-area temperatures will reach 110 degrees or higher. Since you're a native Phoenician, I don't need to remind you of the peril our state's most vulnerable residents face in our summer heat. To deny someone access to electricity based on his or her immigration status is not only a wrongheaded policy proposal, it's just cruel. Your claim that your proposal is somehow consumer-friendly is absurd. The costs of implementing your plan would be borne by ratepayers, never mind the hit taxpayers would take as police and fire departments would increasingly be responding to heat-related emergencies.”

And, of course, since it is Arizona, critics contend that Wong is using the immigration issue just to win an election, something, naturally, Wong denies: “I don't need this issue. I'm doing fine. I've been campaigning almost a year and, frankly, I don't need to grandstand with this issue.”

Well, Barry, ya asshat, if you don't need it, and your campaign is doing fine, then why bring it up?

Asshat. Jan Brewer would be so proud.

Sunday Funnies

Happy Independence Day

America The Beautiful by Keb' Mo'

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Anyone who's visited ISBL more than once and for more than a minute, knows how I feel about Mel Gibson.

Asshat. Alcoholic. Anti-Semite. Misogynist. Homophobe. Religious Nutjob.

But now, to that illustrious list, we can add racist and verbal abuser.

See, Holier-Than-Thou Mel is in the middle of a nasty custody battle with former girlfriend, and baby mama, Oksana Grigorieva, the woman he left his Catholic wife for when she became pregnant.

But Oksana has released an audio message from Mel, in which he says horrific racial and misogynist slurs and threatens her life.

This from a man who claims to be so devoutly religious that he broke away from the Roman Catholic Church, and built his own church, because the RC's were too lenient.

Uh huh.

This is Mel Gibson's message to his former girlfriend, and the mother of his child:

"You're an embarrassment to me. You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault. How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so fucking nice. I am going to come and burn the fucking house down… but you will blow me first. Look what you did to me… look what you are… look what every part of you is… fucking fake… fucking fake. You are the most synthetic person… who the fuck are you?"
I think it best if Mel Gibson simply goes away, never to be seen or heard from again.

Bad news, kiddies, Christmas has been cancelled. Permanently.

Sources, and by sources I mean a gaggle of bored housewives, say that Kate Gosselin, having proven that on the dance floor she is the equivalent of a bull moose in heat, is now going to record a Christmas album.

Cover your ears. NOW!

Record execs, and by record execs I mean a bunch of teenagers with access to iPods, claim that Kate is pitching the CD around town, with songs sung by herself and all her children. They say that Gosselin "sees herself as a modern day Maria from 'The Sound of Music,' except this time the family singers won't be the Von Trap family, they would be the Gosselins."

And she isn't a former nun, but a media whore who will use her own children to further her need for fame.

I think someone needs to call Julie Andrews, to round up the kids from the movie, march into Gosselin's house and bitch slap her until she gives up the idea.

Those two of you who call yourselves Chris Brown defenders are not gonna like this.
Y'all know that Rihanna's abusive ex-boyfriend, Chris Brown, received a lot of attention for his tearful[?] heartfelt[?] tribute to Michael Jackson at the BET Awards Sunday night, right?
While singing "Man in the Mirror," Brown broke down, unable to sing, weeping openly.
But, wouldn't you know it, there are some folks who are calling it just a show.
Sources, and by sources I mean drunk groupies, say that before he took the stage, one of Chris Brown's bodyguards gave him tear-inducing eye drops:
"He rubbed it in and he started crying."
Chris Brown's rep, o course, denies it, saying that Brown was truly "moved by the opportunity to pay tribute to his idol."
But the witnesses are sticking to their story.
And, while we'll never know for sure, unless that bodyguard speaks up, it does seem a little Chris Brown-ish, doesn't it?

We can't go a week without LiLo news, it seems. i mean, now that her career--and by career I mean junkie, alcoholic, thief-- is revving up again.
And I don't mean acting.
An expensive boutique in Los Angeles is suing Lindsay Lohan for ALLEGEDLY not paying her $17,000+ bill from earlier this year.
According to the lawsuit, Lindsay ALLEGEDLY shopped at Tough as Nails and convinced the owners that her "business manager," or pimp, would be paying the bill at a later date. As the suit explains, the owners believed Lindsanity because of her, ahem, "well known status as a movie actress with substantial income."
Quick! Name her last movie....Hell. Name any of her movies in the last five years.
Still, Lindsay's manager did make a small down payment on the tab; he paid off $180.00 of the $17,000 and figured that was good enough.
Wrong! The owners insist that Lohan has committed premeditated fraud by having "no intention of causing her business manager to pay the entire balance" and they are seeking the balance due, plus interest and punitive damages.
Lindsay better hurry up and get that Linda Lovelace movie done.
Girl's gotta pay the bill.

This.Is.Rich.
And by rich, i mean horrendously funny, with a mega-does of stupidity.
The Asylum Production company has ALLEGEDLY decided to make a direct-to-DVD sequel to the Academy Award winning film, Titanic!
You know, the one where the ship sank.
It will star multi-award-winning Brooke Burns.....What? Oh. I mean multi-award-show-watching Brook Burns, and will take place, not in the past, but in the present, when, and here's Asylum's synopsis:
"On the 100th anniversary of the original voyage, a modern luxury liner christened “Titanic 2,” follows the path of its namesake. But when a tsunami hurls an ice berg into the new ship’s path, the passengers and crew must fight to avoid a similar fate."
Asylum Productions needs to be locked up in an asylum for even thinking about this drivel; although the idea of a tsunami "hurling" an iceberg sounds fun.
If they hurl it at James Cameron, who I think will have loads to say, and sue, about this.

There's a reason why they're calling it Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.
After being divorced for nearly ten years, Michael Douglas and his ex-wife, Diandra, are back in court over money.
It seems that Diandra has filed a lawsuit against her former bank account, er, husband claiming that she is entitled to half of his earnings from Wall Street 2.
And though Diandra received some $45 million in the divorce, she claims that part of the deal was that she was entitled to 50 percent of money from his films during their time together - including residuals, merchandising, ancillary rights and spinoffs.
Spinoffs? Is Wall Street 2 a spinoff, or a sequel? And therein lies the rub.
Michael's lawyer, Marilyn Chinitz, is arguing that a sequel is not a spinoff and she has no right to the money, said: "[Michael] doesn't want [Diandra] to be an albatross around his neck forever."
Ouch!
But Diandra says: "It's the same character, the same title, just years later."
The judge did agree that there was a difference between a spinoff and sequel, but will not decide the issue until he figures out whether the case should be tried in NYC or sent to California, where the two divorced.
I imagine Catherine Zeta-I-Married-My-Grandfather-Jones doesn't want to see any of her future Botox money going to the ex-wife.

When The Money's Gone.......

Frightening news.

The AIDS Drug Assistance program [ADAP] that provides life-sustaining antiretroviral drugs to people with HIV or AIDS who cannot afford them, has lost all of it's funding. Now, some 1800 people who rely on ADAP for their medications are on waiting lists and, without reliable access to the medications HIV+ people are more likely to develop full-blown AIDS, transmit the virus and require expensive hospitalizations.

Eleven states, including South Carolina, have closed enrollment in the federal program; Florida, with the nation’s third-largest population of people with HIV is the latest state to lose all ADAP funding. Three other states have narrowed eligibility, and two of them--Arkansas and Utah--have dropped scores of people from the program.

Last week, the nationwide waiting list grew beyond the previous record levels of 2004, and the growth is expected to continue when Georgia starts deferring enrollment in ADAP on July 1. Illinois may soon follow, and New Jersey plans to cut eligibility on August 1, removing 600 of the 7,700 people on its rolls. In many states, there is a sense of reverting to the 1980s and early 1990s, before the development of protease inhibitors reversed the rise in AIDS deaths.

“The worry then was that there were no medications for AIDS,” said Dr. Wayne A. Duffus, medical director of the drug assistance program in South Carolina. “The worry now is that there are medicines, but you can’t afford them. A lot of patients are certainly old enough to remember what happens if you don’t get your medicines.”

We have the medications, but we have cut funding so people cannot receive them.

Still, there is some hopeful news: pharmaceutical companies have stepped into the breach, negotiating discounts for the state drug plans and accepting needy patients into programs that temporarily provide free medications. Although there is no data to prove it, state AIDS directors believe a vast majority of people on waiting lists seem to be getting medications one way or another, though they do concede that some patients may be going without, and that caseworkers are being forced to navigate cumbersome applications seeking drug companies’ help.

“The drug companies are trying their best to lower prices,” said Carl Schmid, deputy executive director of the AIDS Institute, an advocacy group. “But we cannot rely on them to finance the health care of poor people living with HIV and AIDS.”

Dr. Helmut Albrecht, director of the infectious diseases program at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine, said he knew of one wait-listed patient who had died after a seizure while awaiting approval from drug company programs. “In my world, there is never a certainty if meds would have prevented [that] death,” Dr. Albrecht said, “but the fact remains that the wait certainly did not help.”

Drug assistance has grown in the last fifteen years to become the largest component of the federal Ryan White program, which provides grants to states and localities. The drug program’s budget from all sources is now $1.6 billion, with Washington contributing about 55 percent, states offering 14 percent and drug company rebates accounting for 31 percent.

And there are a variety of reasons for the strain on finances within the program. ADAP enrollment has spiked during the recession, up 12 percent from June 2008 to June 2009, to about 169,000 people. A renewed emphasis on testing is also driving up caseloads, and federal treatment guidelines now recommend an earlier start to drug therapy. Because the drugs are so effective, people often stay on the rolls for extended periods.

Meanwhile, federal financial support has stayed essentially flat, up barely 2 percent this year, while appropriations from state budgets have fallen 34 percent, according to the state AIDS directors. The drug companies increased their contribution by half, to nearly $500 million, but it is still not enough.

Once fully implemented in 2014, the new health care law is expected to close the gaps by expanding Medicaid, subsidizing private insurance and requiring insurers to cover pre-existing conditions, but how many lives will be lost to waiting lists by then?.

Strangely enough, two two Republican senators, Tom Coburn of Oklahoma and Richard M. Burr of North Carolina, have proposed redirecting $126 million from stimulus spending to the drug assistance program. But President Obama opposes taking money from stimulus projects, and says he is “working to ensure” that the program gets adequate financing. Obama has recommended a $20 million increase in next year’s drug assistance budget. But what about the $126 million available now; it's simply sitting there, left unused by stimulus programs.

Obama, who ran for office on an LGBT fierce advocate platform, is looking less and less fierce these days; and will be looking even worse, as, perhaps will happen, more people contract AIDS, are hospitalized, and left unable to pay their bills.

I would ask everyone to write to theis congressional represenatives, and to the President, asking them to rethink the spending of this "unobligated" stimulus money, while they work toward guaranteeing an increased budget for ADAP and similar programs in the future. It is unconscionable that we put Americans on a waiting list, when we have the medications and the money available to help them now.

I Didn't Say It.....

Cyndi Lauper, on being called a gay icon:

“Don’t call me that! Sometimes the icon thing, it sounds frivolous... I’m not Streisand, I’m not Liza Minnelli. I don’t even dance. I tried doing that once at the Gay Games in 1994, but the shoes alone made that hard....I [always] thought of the gay community as a refuge to get away from, well, straight people, actually, who kept asking, ‘Why are you so different?’ and I couldn’t take it any more.”

But ya'are a gay icon, Cyndi, because of all that you do, and are, for the LGBT community.

In fact, I think you're a fabulous role model for all people as well.

Just sayin'.

Bristol Palin, on a career in acting, and her guest starring on The Secret Life of the American Teenager:

“I was definitely nervous [shooting my scenes]. This is intimidating. I had a great time. But, I wasn’t that prepared because I started practicing the lines the morning of the shoot. I don’t think I want to do more acting. I don’t think acting is my niche. I don’t want to be an actress."

Sounds like young Bristol learned how to prepare for something the same way her mother does: wait until the last minute and hope you don't blow it.

But you did. And, speaking of mama Dimwit....

Sarah Palin, on Ronald Reagan and his glorious college years:

"This is Reagan country, and perhaps it was destiny that the man who went to California's Eureka College would become so woven within and interlinked to the Golden State."

Yeah, um, Sarah?

One problem, dumbass.

Reagan went to Eureka College, all right, but it was Eureka College, Illinois!

And, um, dimwit, there is NO Eureka College in California.

I soon expect a Craig's List ad for a fact-checker.

Or a comment about how the lamestream media is after her again when she's done nothing but be a good Republican fucktard.

Joan Rivers, on growing old and dying:

“Look, the whole idea of this movie is my reinventing myself. Did I do it? No. I’m the same person, but now I own it. I never used to admit my age. Now I do. You asked me about death. I’ll tell you how I want to go. On stage in the middle of a set. I just want to fall off the stool in the middle of a one-hour routine. I have written instructions that I am not to be resuscitated unless I am capable of doing 60 minutes of stand up. Oh wait. I should fall off the stool after 31 minutes because they don’t pay you unless you do at least 30 minutes.”

My guess is that would be one helluva show!

Ian Somerhalder, on using green, clean energy to power film sets:
"It takes a lot of power to run a movie set. We go through a lot of fuel.It's harmful, and we can start changing that a little bit. We can get rid of these noisy, stinky, disgusting gas generators. There's going to be a lot of thought that goes into this revolution that's going to happen. We're dealing with California Transportation Department, we're dealing with the Department of Defense, we're dealing with disaster relief — but we're also dealing with the entertainment industry. We'll be taking major productions green, like big concerts and music festivals. Greening the 'Vampire Diaries' set is a priority for me, which we're going to be doing this year."

Hot, sexy, environmental? Marry me!

Reed Cowan, director of 8: The Mormon Proposition, on abolishing pride celebrations:
"I would like to propose to the entire worldwide gay community that they cancel gay pride events until we have marriage equality. All those thousands of people who go to gay pride, those are bodies that could put on a shirt and go into the neighborhood and tell their story. We should wait until we have equality to have our party. In the meantime we volunteer the same passion and air miles and participation and really channel that same participation into our fight for equality."

I can imagine that Pride celebrations would have a great deal more significance if we waited, but each year we become more open, more vocal, more equal, so we always have a reason to celebrate.

Plus, admit it, we love a good party

Brian Burke, Toronto Maple Leafs general manager, who is marching with PFLAG in Toronto's pride parade, on his son, Brendan, who was killed in a car accident last year:
“The best thing about when Brendan told me he was gay, I didn’t have to take anything back. I hadn’t made any derogatory comments about gay people, I hadn’t told him they were sick or twisted or God would punish them — some of these absurd things that people say about homosexual people. I didn’t have to take anything back. I said it to him. We were both in tears.”
Shining example of what fathers can, and should, be.

Jeb Bush, sticking for his brother against Obama's remarks that this state of our union is Dubya's fault:

"It’s kind of like a kid coming to school saying, 'The dog ate my homework.' It’s childish. This is what children do until they mature. They don’t accept responsibility. This would break his heart, to get advice that applies some of the lessons of leadership my brother learned, because he apparently likes to act like he’s still campaigning, and he likes to blame George’s administration for everything."

Let's see if I can get this, um, for lack of a better word, straight.

Two wars started by......W.

Economic mess begun under the watch of........W.

W is an idiot.

Jeb is an asshole.

Bob Giuda: Another Republican Asshat

New Hampshire Republican, and Asshat, Congressional candidate Bob Giuda is under fire after making comments to a group of students in which he compared same-sex relations to that good old homophobic, bigoted, dimwitted, asshatted view of bestiality.

Giuda had just finished speaking at Rivier College when a group of students approached him and challenged him on his ignorant, backwoods, moronic view of gay rights, and he responded by saying: "I believe marriage is strictly between a man and a woman....What's going to happen next? Men and sheep? Women and dogs?"

Yes, because we all know that as soon as the homos get the right to marry--and rest assured we will Bob Giuda--we'll move on to animals, and when we can marry animals then we'll move on to inanimate objects like Bob Guida's brain.

Guida has since tired to deflect his asshattedness, by saying his comment "was made in the context of a discussion about institutionalizing marriage."

Oooooh. Well, that makes it okay to compare homosexuality with bestiality, I suppose.

Bob Giuda now says he could have chosen his words better and admitted his comments could be considered offensive to same-sex couples.

He said: "The point was, it's not to our good as a nation or society to institutionalize relationships that do not involve a man and a woman for the protection of a family."

Because we all know that gay people can't raise children and be families and have families. Or, at least dimwitted, dumbassed, asshatted, living in the past, moronic, bigoted homophobes like Bob Guida think so.

That Would Be Strike Three Wisconsin

First there was Strike One: The Greg Udulutch fiasco.

Then came Strike Two: The Gay Adoption crap.

And now you've had your Third Strike, Wisconsin.

It seems that the Wisconsin Supreme Court has upheld the state's constitutional ban on gay marriage and civil unions. In a 7-0 ruling, the court on Wednesday ruled that the 2006 constitutional amendment was properly put to voters in a statewide referendum.

The court rejected a lawsuit that claimed the amendment violated a rule that limits referendum questions to a single subject. The lawsuit, filed by a voter opposed to the amendment, argued that gay marriage and civil unions were two different subjects.

Justice Michael Gableman says both sentences "carry out the same general purpose of preserving the legal status of marriage in Wisconsin as between only one man and one woman."

Or, in other words, we can keep the fags and dykes from being equal.

Fuck you, Wisconsin.

Justice Semi-Served

Keith Phoenix, one of two men who attacked Ecuadorian immigrant José Sucuzhañay [original post HERE] and his brother Romel with anti-Latino and anti-gay slurs in Brooklyn back in 2008, was finally convicted this week of second-degree murder as a hate crime and attempted assault as a hate crime.

Phoenix's first trial ended in a mistrial, because, apparently, his beating of a man to death because he was maybe Latino and maybe gay was too hard for that first jury to decide.

This time Keith Phoenix was convicted on the top counts he faced and he faces as much as 40 years in prison for the murder; he will be sentenced August 5.

Hakim Scott, who helped in beating José Sucuzhañay to death was, sadly, convicted only of manslaughter and attempted assault, but not as hate crimes; he will be sentenced in July.

How anyone could say this wasn't hate is beyond me. If it wasn't anti-gay, it was most definitely anti-Latino, which....is...hate. How you could hear the story of two men, who beat a man to death because he was walking arm-0in-arm with another man, and not see it as a hate crime, is unfathomable.

All crimes are hateful, this one was hate.

Top Chef: It's in The Picnic Basket

Well, the shows opens with some chef's pondering. Amanda, The Brown-Haired-Sister-from Insert Sitcom Name Here. gives us the obligatory, Take-It-One-Day-At-A-Time speech, while Kenny, AKA Veteran Character Actor James Earl Jones, gets the Letter-From-Home. Angelo, The Random Hot Guy, sits in the garden and contemplates his place in the universe.....okay, so he was really worrying about Kenny, while Arnold, The Gay One, reminds us that NOW it's a competition.
Because it was n't during the first two challenges. Uh-huh.
In the kitchen, Padma waits with Gail and Johnny Iuzinni, who apparently flew in from a Grease Three audition, to judge a pie making contest.
WTF? Pies? pastry? Top Chef?
The chefs have two hours to make a pie, and spend the first thirty minutes or so complaining that pastry makers always go home. Tiffany, speaking for the group, screams, Noooooooooooo! while Stephen looks mortified. Arnold admits that he doesn't know where pies, or babies, for that matter come from. I'm about to say The freezer section at Kroger, when Arnold mutters something about pies living in the clouds with unicorns.
Okay. Pies. And the Judges.
Angelo, speaking low and sexy this episode, and I'm liking it, decides to trick his brain into thinking he's not making a pie, and creates a Curried Sweet Potato Pie, which the judges find, er, nice.
Kenny, who is Angelo's archenemy, makes a Bananas Foster Pie with Chinese Five Spice, and Johnny Iuzinni is surprised. In the 1950s, where he lives, there's no such thing as Chinese Five Spice.
The judges find Amanda's Apple-Whiskey-Rosemary Pie to be just so, while Stephen's Curry-Apple-Whiskey-Date Pie seems oddly familiar. Yeah, you just tasted it at Amanda's table.
Kelly's Raspberry Chocolate Ganache goes over big, for being so simple, while Ed's Banana Cream Pie with Salted Peanuts, Celery Espuma, Two Tickets tot the World Cup, and a free DVD of Top Chef Season One, gets called out for being over ingredient-ed.
Ingredient-ed? Is that a word? Yeah, it is now.
Arnold's Kalamansi Key Lime Parfait with Korean Sake Sauce gets a pass, and Rosie's, er, Tracy's, Blueberry Crumbling gets low marks. Tiffany's Peach Cobbler looks a little burned, but she says it's the molasses, and Lynne's Mango Pie with Basil Crust, made from absolutely no recipe whatsoever, is pleasing. That leaves us with Alex's White Chocolate Tapioca Pie with Chevre and an Almond Crust, which is actually called out as a Quiche In Pie Clothing.
Alex, Tracy, and Ed are the worst of the worst, and Kelly and Stephen get high praise.
But Kenny gets the Coveted Pastry win, and immunity in the elimination challenge.
Which is to create a picnic for Washington interns at Mount Vernon. I will refrain from Blow Job Jokes....if I can.

Alex of The Reverend Jim Crazy Eyes is excited because he is apparently a childhood griller.
And, in honor of his childhood, he makes Pork Butt with lemongrass, and a Polenta cucumber Salad.
He also makes the first, and thankfully only, joke about interns.
At the picnic, Gail is into Alex's Pork Butt, and I'm speaking on-camera, not off. But this news comes as no surprise to her co-judges who find his food just okay.


Andrea, still playing the supporting role that Joanna Kerns made so famous on Growing Pains, makes Root Beer Glazed Skirt Steak with an American Potato Salad.
Andrea is one of those Middle-Of-The-Pack cheftesatnts. She isn't good even for screen time, nor is she bitchy enough for screen time.
The judges cannot get beyond the Root Beer glaze on the steak, and neither can any of the picnic goers except for one rather rotund fellow sitting on the grass.
Note to Andrea: Root Beer is for floats, not Steaks.

Arnold doesn't like the challenge because grilling clogs the pores, and any good diva knows skin care is more important than food. But he perseveres and decides to make Lamb Balls; Arnold likes balls. This much I knew.
At the picnic Arnold looks at the Weber grill as though it's some kind of hair dryer, but then realizes he's supposed to cook on it, or, um, in it, or something. He watches Kenny light his grill, and very quickly Arnold's "flame goes poof." Like you thought it wouldn't.
The judges love Arnold's Balls, which I'm sure makes Arnold's flame go even poofier

Kevin, whom I see as more of a Telemundo Drew Carey, decides to go all Puerto Rican on the grill; sharks and jets.
He makes Flank Steak, Rice and Beans, and a Tomato Avocado Slice that he dubs a salad..
The judges search in vain for flavor.
The meat s'okay, but the rice is overcooked and the beans are undercooked. And the salad is a throwaway.
Literally.


Rosie O'Donnell, er, Tracy promises to make sausages, though I'm not sure she's, um, er, familiar with the sausage, if you get my meaning. With Arnold declaring his love for balls, I wonder she didn't ask for help encasing her sausages; Arnold, by all accounts, should be an expert.
In the kitchen, Tracy is a one-woman show--Sugar Snap Peas Put Your Back Into It!--until she suddenly realizes she cannot make a sausage; Told you so! She opts for an Italian Slider, with Tomato, Cucumber, Onion Salad, and a Pepper Relish.
The judges think the sliders are too big to slide down anyone's throat but Gail's, and find some of them over cooked, some with too much fennel, and none that are just right..

Amanda, who proves herself a demon at Whole Foods, running down women and old people, gives us a clue into her past. She lost her 20s because of a love for all things Cocaine and pills, followed by a desert of "anything I could get my hands on."
In the kitchen, she and The Reverend Jim go at it over who gets the oven. Alex's food is in it, Amanda's name was on it. So, she took his stuff out and he calls her a bitch. Tom comes in as the fight rages and when he asks Amanda about it, she tells him she lives her life by "Prison Rules." Tom says he's never been to prison, and Amanda, says, Yeah.......................me neither. Uh huh.
Amanda serves up her Ribs with grilled asparagus. The judges love the flavor of the ribs and Jonathan Waxman loves the grilled asparagus. Really Waxman? Grilled asparagus is such a treat? Of, are you trying to get a connection from Amanda?

Kelly, another quiet one who apparently doesn't work in the Top Chef kitchen, chose to make a Bison Burger with a Watermelon and Tomato Salad.
The judges call the burger a Bland Bison Burger, which is apropos of a Bland Bison Burger Chef.
Like Meg Ryan, whom she resembles, I think Kelly's career on Top Chef is coming to an end.


Lynne, or Infomercial Mom, makes Leg'o'Lamb with Zucchini Spaghetti and Balsamic Onions.
Presumably without a recipe because she is simply that good.
Ah, but the judges beg to differ.
For them, this culinary professor's food is a big cheese heavy, in both flavor and presentation.
Lynne gets out a ShamWow and cleans up her station, and makes a few bucks selling Susan Lucci Moisturizers, and Suzanne Somer's ThighMasters.

Kenny goes all sentimental with the I-Remember-Daddy montage, and decides to go with Harisa Pork Loin and Quinoa Salad.
Personal note to readers: Carlos and I have been eating Quinoa for the last month or so, instead of couscous or rice, and it's very good, and good for you. Toast the Quinoa in a dry skillet first, before making, and it takes on a slightly nutty flavor. Personal note, over.
The judges love Kenny's food, but he has immunity so I don't see him in the top four.

Tim goes for the Randy Jackson Two Meat Approach to grilling, because, he, too, was grilling as a child. Sidenote: Did any of these chef's parents ever cook for them? I mean, it sounds like a Hard Knock Life.
Tim throws in some grilled veggies with his Duo'o'Pork, and as he's serving, a goose flies overhead, and let's loose a Goose Pate Bomb on his table. Omen?
Well, kinda sorta.
The judges like his meat, but think his sides are all wrong.

Angelo, low and sexy, like his food, thinks Asian is the perfect picnic.
And by Asian, I was hoping he meant Arnold, but no luck.
He makes Vietnamese Lettuce Wraps, and Smoked egg Salad.
At the picnic they love his food, but in the judging room Tom says it was, er, um, well, nice.
Nice? Nice ain't gonna win 100K.
I fear Angelo's low and sexy voice will soon turn mean and nasty.

Tootie, Tiffany, Tootie makes a Tamarind Glazed Salmon, with Israeli couscous.
Her food makes as much of an impression on the judges as she does with the viewing audience, because I'm constantly saying, Who's that? Oh, yeah, Tiffany's on the show, too.
She'd better up her skills, or go completely nuts if she wants to make her short stay on Top Chef profitable.
I'm not seeing Fifteen Minutes of Fame.....I'm seeing about A Minute-Thirty.

Ed does a Moroccan Tuna sandwich with Lentil Hummus and Stewed Peppers.
In the kitchen, when Tom asks if he's doing too much, Ed goes all Deer In The Headlights on us.
But then he bounces back, paying tribute to his father for giving him the chance to cook and grill. Then suddenly, without warning, Ed throws his own father under the bus by saying, "he hasn't done half the stuff I've done."
I sense a Dickhead Edit for Ed, AKA Biff from Back To The Future, even though the judges love his fish, calling it perfect picnic food.


Stephen, who, like Cliff Claven from TVs Cheers, knows everything and can do no wrong, in his own mind at least, opts for a Bacon Wrapped Sea Bass. He says the bacon will keep the fish moist and it'll be a nice crispy wrap on the bass. Stephen says he's a shoe-in for the top spot.
Uh, not so much.
The judges find the fish overcooked, stringy and tough, and the crispy bacon is nearly raw. i think Stephen should have wrapped the bacon in the sea bass, or maybe just should have stayed home.

Tamesha, who I don't think cooked in the Top Chef kitchen because I never saw her after that whole pie nonsense, does Caramel-Spy Glazed Skirt Steak, with a Fennel Citrus Salad.
Jonathan Waxman the Grill King from the Country of Weber, doesn't care for Tamesha's glaze because it has no flavor.
Neither does Tamesha. I think she ought to start channeling her Inner Angela Bassett if she wants to keep cooking.

During the commercial break we learn that Tracy is a clairvoyant, but I'm guessing it doesn't apply to her own future.

Padma asks to see the Top Four: Angelo, looking all low and sexy, Arnold, riding high on his Lamb Balls, Amanda, riding high, and Ed.
Jonathan Waxman declares Arnold the winner! The Gay One got the Gay Win, and he does a little Gay win Dance in honor of it.
When leaving the Judging Chambers, Amanda says being in the Top Four is the same as winning. Really Amanda, does the Top Four get anything at the end of the show? No, it's called TOP Chef, not Top FOUR Chef.

Bottom Four: Tim of the overcooked-undercooked vegetables, along with Tracy of the Anti-Sausage, Stephen of the overcooked-undercooked fish and bacon, and Kevin, who dissed the PR with his bland dish.

Finally, Tracy gets a glimpse of the future and she sees her knives packing themselves and going. Buh-bye Rosie!
Sugar Snap peas and put your back into it!

An New-Fashioned Wedding

There's something in the air in Iceland, and it's not just ash.

As you may have heard, Iceland has legalized same-sex marriage--which of course, as the no-brainers like to say, caused a volcano to erupt--earlier this year.

Well, to set the standard, and to mark the occasion, newly-elected Prime Minister Johanna Sigurdardottir just married her longtime partner, Jonina Leosdottir last Sunday, which was the same day that the same-sex marriage law came into effect.

Leosdottir and Sigurdardottir have been in a registered partnership since 2002, and while they had the same rights as heterosexual couples, their partnership was never considered equal to a formal marriage.

Until now. And, even better than that? No one cares. It wasn't a big whoop-de-do. it was a simple ceremony where two people, who are in love, and in a committed relationship, got married.

In fact, the only statement released about the ceremony was from Prime Minister Johanna Sigurdardottir herself, who said: "I have today taken advantage of this new legislation."

Just another day. Just another happy couple. Just another marriage.

This Apple Fell Far From That Tree

Y'all know about Fred Phelps, right? Westboro Baptist, um, semi-preacher? He of the God Hates Fags signs? He who protests at the funerals of American soldiers?

Yeah, that asshat.

Well, turns out old Fred has a son, who spent a lifetime moving away from his father and is now speaking out about Freddy.

Nate Phelps, father of four and self-confessed atheist, now lives in Calgary, Canada, and is engaged to be married to his second wife. He spoke to the Canadian newspaper Globe and Mail about what it was like growing up the son of such a hate-filled man:

"I don’t accept the argument that growing up in a twisted environment is what led me to atheism....I accept the argument that growing up in a hyper-focus-on-God environment led me to search for answers. There’s no doubt about that. And I do accept that there’s damage there....I just don’t see any evidence for a God. But I see plenty of evidence for good and evil in humans."

Phelps did acknowledge that, after being raised by such a man as Fred Phelps, he feels the need for atonement, and the need to work out his feelings about his upbringing. These days, as part of what he calls his atonement, he speaks on the subject of his family and his father's religion at both secularist and gay conventions. In fact, earlier this year he returned to Topeka, Kansas, to speak at a gay rally, a move that "put him at the centre of his father’s hate campaign".

Speaking on the subject of homosexuality, Nate Phelps said he understands that gay men and women don’t choose their sexuality, but did admit that the religious teachings of his father were "hard-wired" into his brain, and that even today he sometimes doubts his thoughts. He does concede that it isn't intellectual thought that causes his doubt, but emotional thought that leaves him wondering.

After being raised by Fred Phelps, it's no wonder that Nate still wonders; being brainwashed by one's own parent can do that to a child, even a grown child. And Nate Phelps has had his share of suicidal thoughts and has battled depression, but he lives in hope, while his father lives in hate.

Nate Phelps is one of 16 of Fred Phelps's children, two of whom have changed their names and turned their back on the family for good.

Sometimes, sometimes, good does come from evil.

You can read more about Nate Phelps, and his life, and trials, and struggles, as the son of hatred, on his website HERE.