Tuesday, March 31, 2020
Idaho Governor Brad Little Is The Face of Hate
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Today is the 10th annual Transgender Day of Visibility, but with so much happening around the world it feels like just another day.
Unless of course, you’re Idaho’s governor Brad Little, who is choosing to commemorate this day, not yesterday, not tomorrow, by signing of two bills into law that take away the rights of our trans brothers and sisters.
One measure bans transgender girls from playing on girls’ and women’s sports teams.
The other prohibits transgender people from changing their gender on Idaho birth certificates.
Yes, at a time when Americans are dying—we just passed the number of Americans killed on 9/11—and at a time when our trans brothers and sisters are being murdered simply for being trans, Brad Little and the Idaho legislature chose today to legalize the demonization of transgender people.
To Brad Little, the Idaho state legislature, and any hate-filled person in this world, I say:
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Monday, March 30, 2020
Things I Like #1
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Well, to be fair, I stole this idea from Mistress Maddie, who was sharing some of favorite things of fellow bloggers. I figured, I have some things I like, so why not do the same.
First up, The Kids.
Tuxedo is clearly not happy with self-isolation or having his picture taken. But, oy, look at the punum on that cat!
Miss Consuelo Roca Jones and her ‘What?” face. She likes attention, but only when she seeks it, not when you offer it.
MaxGoldberg had a tooth removed several years ago, and now, every so often, his mouth goes a little cock-eyed—I believe Maddie has the same condition … being cock eyed. Max’s Native American name is Crooked Mouth.
And finally, the lone pup in a house of cats and queens. Ozzo loo0ks like someone just said the word ‘Bath.’
And so there’s the first of Things I Like … more to come.
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His Ego: I Can't
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_____ says that he wants his name on coronavirus relief checks going out to every American as part of the $2 trillion stimulus package intended to boost the economy even though a civil servant—the disbursing officer for the payment center—would normally sign federal checks.
Why?
Well, while signing the bill into law in the Oval Office last week—with only Republicans on hand, mind you—IMPOTUS was said to be in awe at the price tag attached to the legislation:
“I never signed anything with a T on it.”
Trump, who has faced criticism recently for his bumbling of the pandemic, and his view that it’ll be over soon, predicted a ‘rebound like we have never seen before’ by the end of the year.
The end of the year? But you said Easter! You said when the weather got warmer. You said it was no big deal.
I don’t want your name on a fucking check, I want your name at the bottom of a letter that says:
“I resign.” |
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Saturday, March 28, 2020
I Ain't One To Gossip But ...
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Last week, Madonna, self-isolating, which was a treat, took to Instagram to sing a satire of ‘Vogue’ about Coronavirus. Only it contained line about eating chicken or some such and was sung so out of tune that anyone who ever said Madonna can sing, owes me a thousand bucks.
But this is even more out of touch for Madge … sitting in her marble bathtub, soaking in rose petals and the semen of virgin boys, and looking freshly facially rejuvenated, and more than a little Asian, Madonna sputtered that the coronavirus is “the great equalizer” because:
“It doesn’t care about how rich you are, how famous you are, how funny you are, how smart you are, where you live, how old you are, what amazing stories you can tell,” she said, sitting naked in a bathtub filled with rose petals. “It’s the great equalizer, and what’s terrible about it is what’s great about it. What’s terrible about it is it’s made us all equal in many ways — and what’s wonderful about it is it’s made us all equal in many ways. Like I used to say at the end of ‘Human Nature’ every night, ‘If the ship goes down, we’re all going down together.’”
Oh Madge, you are not my equal; you have money and fame and privilege, which will help you get tested while millions can’t; you have the means to get treatment if you are infected, which millions don’t have. I imagine you’ve already amassed surgical masks in all the latest high-fashion designs and accoutrement.
Perhaps you need to dunk your head in the water for a good long time and only come up for air when you’re less self-entitled and full of yourself.
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Speaking of privileged, out of touch, self-entitled blowhards … Gwyneth Paltrow AKA Contagion posted a picture of herself in a mask and gloves and told of how she and her husband Brad Falchuk were “grateful” to learn about an open “local farmers market”:
“[Brad]and I were grateful to learn our local farmers market was open this morning; we walked there (keeping lots of distance) and donned masks and gloves once we got nearer to the market, only taking them off when we were almost home and there were no other pedestrians in close proximity. Yesterday I heard tales of crowded hiking trails and parks. Although we are all on a learning curve and aren’t always perfect as we figure out this temporary new normal, we must take the orders seriously and not abuse the freedoms we still have; grocery store and essential errand runs, bike rides or walks (being disciplined about correct protocol). It’s not the time for denial. We must take this seriously and shelter in place. It’s time for nesting, reading, cleaning out closets, doing something you’ve always wanted to do (write a book, learn an instrument or a language or learn to code online, draw or paint) going through photos, cooking, and reconnecting on a deeper level with the people you love. I find hope in the generosity, love, protection and care I see and feel throughout our country every day and my heart goes out to everyone directly affected or simply in fear. We will get through and I bet you our humanity will shine like never before.”
If there was ever a person who needed a good punch in the melon, it’s Gwyneth Contagion Paltrow. And luckily for all of us, her nemesis Dr. Jennifer Gunter, who constantly points out Contagion’s healthy lifestyle
“Why do you need gloves and a mask? Isn’t your immune boosting supplement that you were promoting at the start of flu season effective? … I mean look, GOOP sells vitamin C, $40 for 20 doses! It’s a wellness boost. Oh yeah, this brand is $10 for 100 doses. A+ grift … Also, you know she fucking coordinated her unnecessary mask with her dress. I just can’t even.”
Yes, she did say that, and ‘grift’ isn’t a misprint, it’s what Gunter calls Contagion. And Like Gunter don’t even get me started on the fashion coordinated mask.
I can’t with her.
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So, Madge uses the Coronavirus to show us how she bathes, and Contagion Paltrow uses it to show us how to coordinate our masks with our outfits, but Jeremy Renner may be the worst yet.
Renner has filed papers in Los Angeles Family Court asking for some edits to the payments he makes to ex-wife Sonni because, since the Coronavirus outbreak, he’s making less millions than he was before, so he wants to cut back on child support:
“It is likely that most productions will not resume again prior to the end of the year. As such, the projects that I had previously lined up to film this year are likely cancelled or postponed.”
Poor Jeremy, but that sounds like rich people problems, and maybe you should have stashed some cash away for a rainy, or pandemic day, to be able to take care of your child.
Asshat.
People dying and he wants to talk about his coins.
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And speaking or poor rich people … poor Stedman Graham, Oprah’s. um, boyfriend beard, has been ordered by the Big O to self-quarantine in the guest house of her $90 million Santa Barbara mansion.
Stedman kept working up through last week and Oprah, who had pneumonia last year, and bronchial infection just last week, was not letting him in the big house with his possibly infected ass:
“Stedman did not arrive from Chicago until Thursday, he had been speaking in St. Louis…he’d been on planes, so Stedman is like ‘What’s the procedure for coming home?’ ‘The procedure is… you ain’t coming and sleeping in my bed!’”
At least now he won’t hog the covers from Oprah …and Gayle.
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It now appears that Wyoming is the latest hotspot. Oh, not for the Coronavirus, but for celebrities and their asshatted ideas.
First, RuPaul admitting to fracking on his property, and now Kanye Kardastrophe, and his wife Kim—when she’s not filming her “reality” show—are moving to Wyoming, where Kanye has built an amphitheater to hold his Sunday Services, and the Yeezy fashion headquarters.
Kanye was interviewed for WSJ Magazine and whined about his struggle as a black _____ supporter, and bragged about his Wyoming compound which will feature “a series of seven dome-shaped rooms to be part of a closed-loop ecology for energy and water capture”, and something called a “bio pool,” as well as a “urine garden,” described as an “aquaponic-like system that converts human waste into plant food’ as well as something called a ‘hydrogen pulse detonation pump’ as a shower technology.
A urine garden and showers?
Sounds like K and K K are into some Kinky shiz; and makes sense as to why he’s a _____ supporter, because we all know _____ loves a long hot golden shower.
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Friday, March 27, 2020
I Didn't Say It ...
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Dr. Anthony Fauci, member of the White House Coronavirus Task Force, on _____’s lies and misinformation in his daily coronavirus briefings:
“The way it happened is that after he made that statement [suggesting China could have revealed the discovery of coronavirus months earlier], I told the appropriate people, it doesn’t comport, because two or three months earlier would have been September. The next time they sit down with him and talk about what he’s going to say, they will say, by the way, Mr. President, be careful about this and don’t say that. But I can’t jump in front of the microphone and push him down. OK, he said it. Let’s try and get it corrected for the next time.”
No, Dr. Fauci. Correct him on camera, in real time, or else you become part of the spin. You’re the one who knows, you’re the educated man. Speak up so that more people don’t get sick and die.
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Rachel Maddow, on _____ lying to the American public about the effectiveness of a malaria drug against COVID-19:
“I know we ought to be getting used to this kind of thing by now, but I’m not. President _____ today, again, just flat-out wrong in public about this malaria drug that has gotten stuck in his mind, quite some distance from the facts. But the president loves saying things like, you know, ‘There’s a drug we’ve got and it’s very effective. It’s approved already! Everybody’s gonna get it.’ He loves saying things like that because that would be a lovely thing to be able to tell people, unless of course that’s not true in which case telling people a fairytale like that is cruel and harmful and needlessly diverting and wildly irresponsible from anyone in any leadership role. It’s actually wildly irresponsible if somebody said that to you from a bar stool—if any of us could go to bars anymore—but to get that from somebody at the presidential podium? ... There is a clear pattern here in this crisis of the president promising stuff that he knows America would love to hear but it’s not true. And even stuff that he’s saying that he will do that the federal government will do, he’s not doing. I feel like we should inoculate ourselves against the harmful impact of these ongoing false promises and false statements by the president by recognizing that when he is talking about the coronavirus epidemic, more often than not, he is lying. Even when he’s talking about what he has done or what he will do, he is consistently lying and giving you happy talk that is stuff that the federal government isn’t actually doing. ... And so, the sooner we come to terms with that, I think the better for all of us. If it were up to me, and it’s not, I would stop putting those briefings on live TV. Not out of spite but because it’s misinformation. If the president does end up saying anything true, you can run it as tape but if he keeps lying like this every day on stuff this important, all of us should stop broadcasting it. Honestly, it’s gonna cost lives.”
The thing is, no matter issue is facing this country, it has to be about _____, or else he’s not interested.
That’s explains the lies and the stupidity.
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Steve Mnuchin, Secretary of the Treasury, thinks y’all are making too much of this unemployment nonsense:
“To be honest with you, I just think these numbers right now are not relevant whether they’re bigger or smaller in the short term. Obviously, there people who have jobless claims, and, again, the good thing about the bill is the president is protecting those people. They had no choice, now with this bill passed by Congress, there are protections, and as I said, hopefully, those workers will be rehired, but between these three programs, it protects all of American workers. And by the way, you know, lots of big companies do continue to hire, for obviously grocery stores, pharmacies, you know, delivery services. These companies are on overtime, so I know they’re hiring people as fast as they can.”
It’s “irrelevant” to this millionaire that last week 200,000 Americans were unemployed and this week it’s over 3 million.
It's frightening how out of touch the _____ administration is as countless Americans suffer from sickness and death and unemployment thanks to their incompetent response to the coronavirus.
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Chris Hayes, MSNBC news anchor, on _____’s coronavirus FOX News PR blitz on Tuesday in which he announced that he’d like to open the country by Easter:
“After a few days of said war, it seems like _____ is now looking to surrender. Today … _____ announced that he wants to open the country up again by Easter. Why Easter? Because it would be beautiful to see packed churches for the holidays. Easter is two and half weeks away. Other countries that have battled this epidemic have had lockdowns for 60 days. The place with the worst outbreak in the world, Wuhan, China, where all this started, are still in lockdown. Maybe they’ll be out in time for Easter. In the midst of this global pandemic, at this moment of crisis, the president, as he has been doing daily, as he has done since the first case arrived on our shores, went out today and said things that are flat out wrong, that are lies, and more than that, that are dangerous. That’s why we did not play you any sound of what he said today, because frankly, the president has become a kind of—well, he’s a genuine threat to public health, his rhetoric at this point, the things he says.”
Stop airing his briefings, or at least the part where he speaks; he provides nothing new, offers no sympathy, and instead turns it into a Poor Me Rally.
Stop.Airing.Them.
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Trevor Noah, The Daily Show, has another idea:
“You know what we need to do with Donald _____? The same way they bleep out curse words in rap videos, they need to start bleeping out Trump’s misinformation in his press briefings. Every time he’s up there at the podium, they should be ready with the censors.”
If they bleep every time he lies it’ll sound like thousands of alarms going off all at once.
Just stop airing the portion of the briefing where he is
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Ainsley Earhardt, Fox & Friends host, suggested that the economy should reopen so women could get their hair and nails done:
“Every day, we’re talking about different topics, because we’re moving in hopefully the direction of getting where China is now, or South Korea is now, and just getting some improvement. If you bought clothing before all this happened, if you want to return it, are stores gonna waive that 30-day period where you can get your money back? This not a priority, but women have to get their hair done. I saw someone tweet out, you’re going to see what color our real hair is, because our roots are going to grow in. All my friends are saying—this is not a priority, people are dying, and I realize that—that they can’t get their nails done.”
First off, if she’s not joking, then she’s clearly the biggest idiot at Fox News, which is saying a lot.
If she’s not joking, then she’s clearly the biggest idiot at Fox News, which is saying a lot.
Women are out of work, and a lot of them are not taking care of their children 24/7.hoping they don’t get sick, or even worse, their older parents don’t get sick, but Ainsley boils it all down to hair and nails.
Maybe that’s what the women at Fox News are worried about because as long as their on their knees a few hours a day they still have a job.
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Bill Gates, gazillionaire Microsoft founder, on reopening the country in two weeks:
“We need to shut down so that the worst case that was happening in [Wuhan, China] or Northern Italy, that we avoid that. It’s very tough to say to people, ‘Hey, keep going to restaurants, go buy new houses, ignore that pile of bodies over in the corner. We want you to keep spending because there’s maybe a politician who thinks [gross domestic product] GDP growth is what really counts.’”
Gates suggests a shutdown may need to remain in place for six to 10 weeks.
And that’ll be so close to the election that _____might just freak out and do something dangerous and stupid and totally _____.
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Bryant Culpepper, Okeechobee County Commissioner, on how to stop coronavirus:
“This sounds really goofy, and it did to me too, but it works. Once the temperature reaches 136 degrees Fahrenheit, the virus falls apart, it disintegrates. I said how would you get the temperature up to 136 degrees? The answer was you use a blow dryer. You hold a blow dryer up to your face and you inhale through your nose and it kills all the viruses in your nose.”
I ask that Culpepper try it on TV and have doctors standing by to handle his burns. When he’s better, tell him that hitting himself in the head with a hammer makes the virus run, and let him try tat.
Asshat.
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Thursday, March 26, 2020
Senate Approves Stimulus Package, But Where's The House?
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The White House and Senate leadership came to an agreement on a $2 trillion stimulus bill aimed at providing economic relief to workers and businesses hurt by the coronavirus pandemic.
The bill could be passed the Senate yesterday, but it is unclear when the House will take up the legislation, as its members are home in their districts and some have tested positive for the coronavirus or have self-quarantined.
I’ll stop; people are dying, asshats, find a way to take a vote and get this thing done.
And we’re back … _____ is expected to sign the bill into law if it is passed. And here’s what it looks like:
DIRECT CASH PAYMENTS Individuals making up to $75,000 a year would receive checks for $1,200. Couples making up to $150,000 would receive $2,400, with an additional $500 per child. The payments decrease for those making more than $75,000, with an income cap of $99,000 for individuals or $198,000 for couples. EXPANDED UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE The bill would increase the maximum state unemployment benefit by $600 per week for up to four months. Unemployment benefits would also be extended to those who typically do not qualify, such as gig economy workers, furloughed employees and freelancers. Under the bill, those nearing the end of their unemployment timetable could have the period extended by 13 weeks. SMALL BUSINESS SUPPORT Roughly $350 billion would go toward loans for small businesses; companies with fewer than 500 employees could be eligible for up to $10 million in forgivable small-business loans to allow them to keep paying their employees. Those small businesses that maintain payroll would be eligible for assistance for costs such as mortgage interest, rent and utilities. ASSISTANCE FOR CORPORATIONS The bill is expected to provide $500 billion in aid for corporations, such as airline companies, that have been hurt by the coronavirus outbreak. Democrats were concerned that the aid would be used as a "slush fund," with little to no oversight on who got how much money, but provisions were added to help allay those concerns, such as … and I love this … the bill would prohibit businesses controlled by the president, vice president, members of Congress and heads of executive departments from receiving these loans. PUBLIC HEALTH FUNDING The bill would give more than $100 billion in assistance to hospitals, an increase from the Republicans' initial proposal of $15 billion in chump change. Additional funding would also be provided for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, transportation agencies, food stamps, child nutrition and other health care-related programs. STATE AID The measure would also provide about $150 billion in stimulus funds for state and local governments to help boost their budgets amid a significant drop-off in tax revenues.
Let’s get this done; people are suffering, afraid, sick and dying. We elect these people to represent us and they’d better start doing it because November is coming and nearly all estimates say we should be up and running, and voting, by then.
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Bobservations
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I told Carlos that since we’re both at home, I would assign points to chores and whomever has the most points accumulated by the time we are set free—assuming neither one of has killed the other, dismembered him, and shipped him off to various parts of the world via FedEx—the loser would have to take the other away for a weekend wherever the winner wants to go.
First day: I mowed the lawn and awarded myself 100 pts. Carlos raked leaves and got 5 points.
Second day: Carlos cleaned the living room, dining room, office and bedrooms for 35 points. I cleaned the kitchen for 250 points. It’s a rigged system but I like it …
Where do I want to go?
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Why is it when you see Oprah and Gayle King, Gayle always looks like she’s about to get a doggy biscuit, a pat on the head, and a ‘Good girl,’ from Oprah?
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Christian Siriano, Project Runway winner and fashion designer, is paying attention, and upon hearing about the shortage of medical masks––mainly due to panic buying––he reached out via Twitter to New York Governor Andrew Cuomo to offer the services and resources of his fashion house to produce some:
“If @NYGovCuomo says we need masks my team will help make some. I have a full sewing team still on staff working from home that can help.”
And Cuomo accepted and Christian’s and staff went to work competing an order of masks in a weekend.
Oh, and he’s not making a dime off them; it was done free.
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Harvey Weinstein has tested positive for the coronavirus in prison begging the question: why the fuck are we testing Weinstein when they are non-criminal Americans who need the test?
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As the coronavirus spreads around the county, Jerry Falwell, faux-Christian-religious-wingnut president of Liberty University has invited students to return to residence halls and has directed faculty members to continue to report to campus even as most classes move online.
All in the name of making _____ look good. Who cares if it sparks a surge in new cases or anyone dies? Right, Jerry?
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Some good news out of Washington …fingers crossed … it looks like _____’s businesses are barred from getting loans or investments under the new $2 trillion coronavirus stimulus deal, according to Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer.
The ____ Organization, of which the president has not divested though he swore he would, is run by his two elder sons, Junior and The Dumb One.
Hopefully once this is all over, _____ won’t get his fellow GOP criminals to change this and back pay him for all his suffering.
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As unemployment claims surge, Starbucks CEO and President Kevin Johnson announced that his company will pay all of its employees in the US and Canada for the next 30 days, regardless of whether they come into work or the stores they work at temporarily close.
That’s how it’s done; people over profits.
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Denis Suraev. All I know is that he’s a Russian model, he’s tall, he’s hot, he’s built like a son of a bitch and I’d like to climb him. Is that so wrong?
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