I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Money can’t buy happiness, or so some folks say, but apparently it can by your daughter an NAACP Image award … if you’re Blue Ivy and your parents are famewhores Jay-Z and Beyoncé.

Yes, Blue Ivy won an award for … wait for it, it’s epic and shady and quite the joke … for Songwriting and Singing!

At last week’s 51st annual NAACP Image awards Beyoncé received a music win for “Outstanding Duo, Group or Collaboration” for the song “Brown Skin Girl”, which features vocals from Blue Ivy so she, too, won an award.

It looks like another awards show that will do anything to get Beyoncé to show up.

photo

Lindsay Lohan is busy. I mean, she’s managing her sister’s career, she host events at nightclubs—or she’s a hostess at Applebee’s, I forget—and she’s a panelist on Masked Singer Australia, and now Lindsay has wormed her way to her best and favorite career … no, not call girl or drug mule … as an actor!

According to the Hollywood Reporter, my BFF Lohan is in the final rounds of negotiations to star in her next big feature entitled Cursed …which is not the story of her career thus far. The film is set to star Mickey Rourke and will be a supernatural thriller directed by Steven Monroe who directed the 2010 remake of the cult horror classic and twelve-time Oscar winning film … I kid … I Spit on Your Grave. 

Starring Lohan, it might be retitled I Spit on Your Career.

Mickey will play a famous psychiatrist who has to team up with Lindsay’s character … a police detective … wait, is it a comedy? … to try and stop crazed psychiatric patient … a role written for Lindsey though she passed on it … from killing five people held hostage in a remote house.

Sounds horrifying.

You know, cuz it may star Lohan and Rourke.

photo

You know a show about wannabees trying to become famous singers has jumped the shark when they stage an emergency and hire quite possibly the most horrible actress—only her singing is worse—to act the part of victim.

Apparently …ALLEGEDLY … there was a gas leak on the set of American Idol a while back and Katy Perry chose to use that moment to create an audition tape.

In that episode, Katy complains about smelling gas; the script went like this:

Katy: “Do you guys smell gas? It’s pretty intense!”

Luke Bryan: “We’re getting heavy propane.”

Katy: “I have a slight headache from it … Oh, it’s bad, it’s really bad.”

Sirens go off! Contestants are rushed from the room! Ryan Seacrest hides behind women and children!

Katy, to a group of firefighters standing around her: “I’m not feeling good.”

And she falls, daintily to the ground, throwing a leg up as she does so.

And the Oscar goes to ….the firefighters who struggled not to laugh as Katy feigned her ‘illness’.

Seriously.

photo

When last we left-unhappily-married-for-twelve-days Jon Peters and Pamela Anderson, we learned that he wasn’t keen on the idea of having a media whore for a wife so he texted d-i-v-o-r-c-e- to her and that was that. Seventy-four-year-old Jon said he wanted to live a quiet live and …

He dumped 52-year-old  Anderson and ran back to his 34-year-old ex-girlfriend, ‘actress’ Julia Faye West, the woman he was engaged to until Pammy came along.

Jon and Pamela got married on January 20 and were done by Groundhog’s Day when Punxsutawney Phil came out, saw his shadow and told Jon the marriage was over.

Sources—Pamela Anderson—say the “marriage” ended because Jon was very controlling and didn’t like Pamela hustling for Jasmin.com. Other sources—Jon—say Pamela dumped him after he paid her debts, totaling $200,000.

And that makes Pammy mad:

“I don’t need anyone to pay my bills. I own a $10-million-dollar house in Malibu Colony!”

Foot stomp; she told him.

Anyway, now Jon is once again back in the arms of Julia Faye West, the co-star of   Reality Queen!, alongside acting titans Denise Richards and Mike Tyson.

Julia, like Pamela, has a “passion for animal welfare,” and has “rescued countless animals.” She’s also an author of books that “emphasize positivity and self-esteem.” She is “enjoying a spirited journey into all aspects of wellness” and described her ideal man as “a perfectly imperfect human being who loves me like I’m a rose in full bloom with him.”

It looks like Peters broke up with a 34-year-old version of Pamela Anderson for Original Recipe Anderson, and then got back together with the reboot.

Okurrrrr ….

photo 1 photo 2

Last week Beyoncé performed at the Kobe and Gianna Bryant Celebration of Life at the Staples Centre in LA and, well, this happened …

While photographers were allowed at the event, Beyoncé’s “team”—minions—banned all of them from taking pictures of her while she was performing because, as we remember from her 2013 Superbowl Halftime show, she gets the ugly on when she sings. And when photos from that event turned up on the internet, Beyoncé’s team minions tried to have them banned from the internet!

Get over yourself. You’re a lip-syncing weave in a wind tunnel.

PS Here are those photos Bey tried to ban …

photo 1 photo 2 photo 3 photo 4

What do you do if you’re a Lohan and you’ve been arrested for DUI?

And what do you do if you’re another Lohan and you get arrested for DUI?

Well, if you’re Lindsay’s Mama, Dina Lohan, and if you’re Lindsay’s Step-Mama, Kate Major Lohan, you move in together.

Serious. Dina and Kate are now full-on living together and commiserating over their terrible 2020s.

Dina was arrested for driving under the influence after she hit and run a parked car at an Outback Steakhouse. Naturally, she denies being drunk and claims police brutality—the police stopped her from drinking, I’m guessing, and it was brutal—Kate was also arrested for drunk driving—with a BAC of 0.24—after an anonymous tipster Michael Lohan notified police. And the next day Michael was arrested for ALLEGEDLY choking Kate and he says she was just getting back at him for the snitch.

So now, Dina and Kate have admitted to being white trash low-life’s and have decided to share expenses … cuz liquor and Uber don’t come cheap, y’all.

photo 1 photo 2

Look, I get that the coronavirus is nothing to sneeze at …bad pun …. Nothing to laugh at, but even a global pandemic has its upside:

There is an outbreak of the virus in Venice, Italy production has been shut down on the seventh Mission: Impossible movie.

Like I said, silver linings…always look for the silver lining.

photo