Bobservations

I’ve mentioned before that Carlos loves some Nerd TV … How It’s Made … Big Ships …etc. The other day I caught him scrolling through the channels looking for something and he actually squealed …

“Ooooh, Battle Bots!”

Then he proceeded to tell me he didn’t really care for the show, even after I reminded him, over and over and over again, that he had squealed at the sight of the show.

Battle Bots is kinda like remote-controlled lawn mowers doing battle. No, seriously, that’s it. And my husband squealed at the thought.

Bill Maher went after GOP South Carolina Senator Lindsey’ Graham’s “hypocrisy on steroids” on Real Time last week with a list that wasn’t so much about Miss Lindsey’s blathering flip-flop on _____and more about the issue of whether Graham is a big old queen. Some were high-larious, some were offensive, but here they are:

My name is Lindsey and my pronouns are He and Y’all.

My spirit animal is a jellyfish.

I burn calories by skipping to work.

I’m the only Senator whose office has a bidet and a fainting couch.

For three weeks in 1992 I was married to Liza Minnelli.

In a fire, the first things I’d save are my bridal magazines.

When I was in school, the kids would tease me by calling me “Lindsey”.

I was the first person to push a dog around in a stroller.

The greatest advice my mother gave me was to stop waving my hands when I run.

My quote in the high school yearbook was “a lady is allowed to change her mind.”

My greatest legislative accomplishment is naming a post office after Nathan Lane.

If Trump and I were a celebrity couple, I’d want the tabloids to call us “Donsey.”

I once kissed Trump’s ass so hard I could taste Hannity.

John McCain’s last words to me were “Let go of my hand.”

People who say I’m anti-immigrant haven’t heard me talk about Siegfried and Roy.

When people call me a “hawk” I just want to bomb the sh*t out of them.

My favorite James Bond movie is Octo-yucky.

I’m one of only three people in Washington allowed to trim President Trump’s nose hairs.

I employ over a dozen pool boys even though I don’t own a pool.

Irony alert! Thanks to a food allergy, I avoid fruit.

For Halloween, I went as the Lindsey Graham from the Clinton impeachment.

If you saw just five seconds of the videotape Trump has of me, everything would suddenly make sense.

My nickname in the Air Force was “JAG-off.”

If it was socially acceptable, I would wear nothing but scarves.

Miss Lindsey has looooong been the subject of gay rumors and has always denied them. I hope he isn’t gay, because if he is, he gives the LGBTQ community a bad name. I think he’s just a lonely pathetic straight man with self-esteem issues related to the fact that he and _____ both have at least one more thing in common:

A tiny mushroom shaped dick. That’s all.

More Carlos…or more precisely, more me torturing Carlos? Okay …

As he was recovering from his surgery, he was doing very well, but every once in a while, getting out of one of the living room chairs, he’d whimper Oh oh oh oh.

Being the loving husband, I suggested a way to ease him from his seat by taking a dog leash, tying it around his neck, then attaching the other end to the ceiling fan, and turning the fan on. The motion of the fan would help him out of the chair, but then … do I  stop it from taking him all the way to the ceiling and spinning like a rag doll over my head.

Well, at least one Madonna fan is apparently leaving the building.

Nate Hollander has filed a lawsuit against Madonna and Live Nation alleging that the change in start time for the Madame X Tour is a breach of contract between the singer and ticket buyer.

Trouble for Nick is, that he hasn’t seen the show yet; his tickets are for December 17th. But he knows what’s going to happen because, even though the show time is 8:30 on the tickets, late last month, Madonna and Live Nation changed the start times for several shows to 10:30 and that’s too late for Madonna’s rapidly aging out fan base.

Nate says that no refund has been offered and says he can’t resell them because the tickets “suffered an extreme loss of value” due to the time change.

Oh Nate, as Judge Judy might say, ‘You picked her. And you’re stuck with her at 10:30.’

To add insult to injury, Madonna, who clearly had been told about the complaints, tweeted a video from her Las Vegas show where she said to the crowd:

“There’s something that you all need to understand. And that is, that a queen is never late.”

I don’t know what’s funnier, that Madonna thinks she’s royalty or that she thinks she’s still relevant.

As I said last week, Tuxedo went to the vets about him licking the fur off his front leg. He was given some medication, and some wipes to clean the area. The wipes were easy, but the medication had to be given through a dropper orally, which meant holding Tuxedo down and shoving the dropper in his mouth and given him the medication.

So, twice a day I would take a towel and wrap it around Tuxedo, keeping his paws from grabbing at me, and then Carlos would force the medications into his mouth. After the first dose, as soon as he saw the towel, Tuxedo knew what was coming; he didn’t run, but he wrapped his front paws around my neck and tried to climb me to get away. It was quite the struggle, but we finished his round of antibiotics the other day.

And I will give Tuxedo props for not holding a grudge; as soon as he had the meds, he got a treat, and then would crawl into my lap and go to sleep.

He really is a good boy … and thrilled to be “off the dropper.”

I guess the Golden Globes didn’t think he was the worst host ever after all.

The 1995 Golden Globes went hostless from 1944 through 2009 except for one year when I was co-hosted by that comedy duo John Larroquette and Janine Turner. But by 2010, the Globes felt they needed a host and asked Ricky Gervais, who hosted for three years, took three years off—the comedy duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted those years—and the returned in 2016, only to be basically fired from ever hosting again.

But now he’s back, and the Golden Globes will once again go from ‘Which actor is the most drunk’ to ‘Which actor is gonna be publicly dragged by Ricky Gervais.’

I, for one, cannot wait.

Isha Blaaker. So hot and sultry and…did I say hot?

Born in  Paramaribo, Suriname, this green-eyed beauty also goes by the nickname The Charming Boxer.

Charming, indeed. And sweet; when asked if he found himself attractive, he said:

“I know what I’m being paid for, but beauty is internal. If you don’t see your light no one will. Everybody should see their own beauty.”

Usha is also single, sort of; he calls his relationship status “complicated”.

I could uncomplicate it for him. Just sayin’.