I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I’d say this is shocking but … why lie.

Apparently, Nicholas cage’s wife of four days, Erika Koike, is going after his coins. After 96 hours of marriage, Koike has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle and now needs his money to maintain it. And even though Cage has filed for an annulment she is seeking spousal support.

Cage has been married three times before—Alice Kim, Lisa Marie Presley, Patricia Arquette—and had been dating Erika for one year when he decided the fourth time would be The One until, four days in, he decided it wasn’t and asked for an annulment. But Erika wasn’t going to let all her hard work of dating Cage for a year and being his wife for four days go to waste, so she speed-dialed her lawyer to sue for coins.

And then it gets more cluttered … Cage says in his annulment documents that he “reacted on impulse and without the ability to recognize or understand the full impact of his actions” –even though it was his fourth time at the altar—and claimed that Erika was shady and the marriage was based on “fraud”. Erika then countered Cage’s claims saying he reached out to her 12 days after he filed for an annulment because he wanted to start again “in the right way” and thus their relationship could not be a fraud, except … now Erika wants out, as long as she gets coins.

Look, the only thing I know about this is that Cage is a moron, and Koike is clearly a gold-digger! They sound perfect for each other.

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Oh Oprah, go make a sandwich.

Once again Winfrey is trying to pass herself off as ‘one of the people’—even though she is a multi-billionaire—by complaining about the price of avocados. But, unlike ‘one of us’ who would simply stop making guacamole, bloated Oprah opted to buy an avocado orchard instead.

Yes, avocadoes are expensive so I’m buying an orchard. She thinks that’s the solution to overpriced produce.

Seriously. Perhaps she should eat some fish, or drink some coffee, or have blueberries, or turmeric, or broccoli, or pumpkin seeds, all considered brain food before she goes off the rails about buying an avocado orchard.

One of the people her fat ass.

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Guard your umbrellas, Crazy Britney Spears may be back.

Now, here’s the tea …in January, Brit Brit announced that she was dropping her latest Las Vegas residency Domination before it even started because her father, and conservator, Jamie suffered a ruptured colon and she wanted to care for him. Then … ALLEGEDLY … Jamie Spears’ condition worsened, and the stress was so bad that Brit voluntarily checked herself into a 30-day mental health program. 

BUT, now some folks say that Britney is being held against her will in that mental institution and that Jamie put her there in January after she stopped taking her meds. Jamie, at first, threatened to pull Domination and use his sickness as the excuse, and then, when Brit continued skipping her dosages, he cancelled the show. A few days later, the paparazzi snapped her driving—something she is not allowed to do—so Jamie had her committed.

Naturally, as happened when celebrities go off the rails, there are conflicting stories. While Britney is in a mental health facility she is not being held against her will. Apparently everything ALLEGEDLY went south because Brit got a new team of lawyers and doctors to help her and her meds situation was a mess; add to that, people are saying Jamie began giving Brit more and more freedom and they were worried she “could’ve died” so Daddy Spears decided to put her in treatment, and use his illness as an excuse.

No one knows when Brit will get out, but, while she is not being held against her will, Britney did not really want to go to rehab … 

... and now Amy Winehouse is playing in my head.

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A few months back, “actress” Tara Reid sued the producers of Sharknado because they used her likeness in other promotional ventures. She was asking $100 million in damages for profiting off her image. But now, quietly Reid has dropped the suit.

Reid claimed the producers behind Sharknado, Asylum Entertainment and SYFY Media Productions used her likeness for different ventures, including a Sharknado slot machine, and that $100 million would be the sum she needed to recover from the trauma. But then last week, without warning, Reid filed court papers saying she’s dropping all claims and will dismiss her entire lawsuit.

I guess she was a’scurred that a judge would look her in the face and laugh out loud at the notion that she thought her likeness was worth $100 million.

More like a roll of pennies.

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Best parents ever, Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli, pleaded not guilty to using $500,000 to ALLEGEDLY bribe their moderately intelligent daughters’ way into USC but now may change their pleas so that prosecutors won’t come after their totally innocent girls.

Totally innocent. Lori and Mossimo will do anything they can to keep their daughters safe from, ahem, “malicious prosecution” even though we now know that Lori and Mossimo’s plan was to paint their younger daughter as a crew coxswain for the L.A. Marina Club team, and that they provided an “action shot” of the girl on the ‘erg’—or rowing machine.

Trouble is, the daughter posed on the machine and we’re to believe that she had no idea why her parents took her to the yacht club, put her in a uniform, and asked her to pose on a piece of equipment?

Not today Satan. This all means that dim-bulb Olivia Jade either fully knew about this plan, or she took a picture for her parents on a random rowing machine one day because … Instagram?

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