Oscar Fashion: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly Kenndal Jenner and The Oh My God You Are Soooo Hot.

THE VERY BEST

Helen Mirren. She is ageless, timeless, and gorgeous. Fun and flirty and a dazzling smile.

THE BEST

Regina King. Fabulous, simple, but with a thigh high slit that doesn’t look at all try hard or slutty. Fabulous.

Jennifer Hudson. The lady in red. Big shoulder flounces  were a ‘thing’ last night and hers was one of the best.

Angela Basset. Just the most beautiful woman, and so pretty in pink and rocking the big flouncy bow, too.

VERY GOOD—clockwise

Sarah Paulson always takes a risk and it almost always pays off. This one paid off because it was fash-shun, and gave a little skin at the waist.

Rachel Weisz also took a risk with the patent leather capelet. It was daring and yet still, somehow, cute and demure.

Amandla Stenberg took us back to Old Hollywood with some glittering fringe; sexy and slinky.

Lisa Bonet in mesh and lavender armor; it’s tough and sexy, just like Bonet. Plus, the length was different, not so gown-y.

Emilia Clarke gets points for both glitter and color.

Danai Gurira rocked the gold last night in this regal number. Someone else tried to do regal gold and lost, badly.

Charlize Theron would have been the very best, for me, but the color annoys me. I don’t like this baby blue, lavender lilac thing, but I love the sexy slinky business and the mullet-ness—business in the front and party in the rear—of it.

GOOD—clockwise

Brie Larson brought out the metal, and between the slinky dress and the newly blond hair, I thought she was Margot Robie …and so did the announcers on the E! channel.

Constance Wu is a bold fluttery parakeet in this one; it’s fun, and she was having fun.

Emma Stone is always a Favourite—see what I did there—and I love the bold pattern and the winged shoulders.

Queen Latifah looks stunning in a shiny black, curvy number, though I missed seeing her with her pregnant girlfriend. Just saying, come out already!

Kiki Layne also made the most of a big shoulder, though she kept the rest of the dress simple, in style and color.

Michelle Yeoh looks like a Crazy Rich Asian in this stunning shimmering ball gown. I could have done with the crunchy thing on her wrist though.

Laura Harrier in a sustainable dress. Eco friendly and chic is a win-win. Plus, you know, if I was a straight man, I’d say, “She’s hot.”

Gaga came dressed like a serious actress and posed like a serious actress. I’m glad she brought some fashion, but toned it down a bit, and I love the gloves.

Olivia Colman is simple and fun, though in this picture it looks like she’s got it on backwards. Still, it was elegant and chic for an Oscar winner.

MEH—clockwise.

Amy Adams. One day she’ll pick a new style and silhouette and one day I’ll turn straight. Yeah, ain’t gonna happen.

Christine Lahti looks fabulous … for dinner with the Ricardo’s in 1955. It’s just not Oscar.

Tina fey suffers from ‘Amy Adams Syndrome.’ Perhaps the two should get together and try something new?

Octavia Spencer. We’ve seen you in this before …we’ve seen that hair before. Moving along …

JLo is a mirrored dress so that A-Rod could look at her and see himself a thousand times over.

Laura Dern. One look at that forced grin and you know even she thinks this is an ugly dress.

Melissa McCarthy. I wanted to like it, but that faux-hawk annoyed me. Add tot hat that the pants part of the look didn’t seem to fit very well and, well, yeah.

Kelly Ripa. Why? Why is she at the Oscars? Why is she dress for Prom?

BAD—clockwise

Awkwafina. I have no problem with the menswear look, but this looked sloppy and all one-note.

Kacey Musgraves. With he three ruffled skirt, and the ruffled shoulders and the ruffles at the writs, I was totally ruffled out. I believe it was coco Chanel who said, ‘Before you leave the house in that many ruffles, take a look in the mirror, and then stay home.’

Laura Marano. I have o idea who she is, and I have no idea why she’s dressed like a piece of Kandy Korn left out in the sun since Halloween.

Maya Rudolph. Try and convince me that dress isn’t made from drapes. Just try …

Amy Poehler also chose the menswear idea, but it’s just too severe. It’s nowhere near as fun as Amy.

Molly Sims. You know those crazy people in the tin foil hats? Molly took it a step further.

Gemma Chan. I guess since she’d seen both Gaga and JLo rock the giant balloon dress, she thought she’d try it too. But you can’t, Gemma. No …No.

Glenn Close. What was she thinking? That she was a shoo-in for Oscar, so she’d dress like one on steroids? The dress part is nice, but the cape is overkill, in that I’d like to through it over the designer and kill them for doing this to Close.

WORST—clockwise.

Cicely Tyson. The great Cicely Tyson looks like a crow in bondage.

Sza. A singer whose name is pronounced ‘siz-zah’. It looks like someone took a pair of sizzah’s to this dress and her hair.

Hannah Beachler tried the big shoulder …and failed. It’s just too big, and too ugly.

Krysten Ritter. I like the dress, I do. But then I noticed that the pattern of the dress perfectly pointed out her nipples and vagina. It was off-putting, but then …I’m a homosexual.

Linda Cardelini. Dear Kacey Musgraves, I apologize for saying you had to many ruffles. Linda saw you and raised you a thousand flounces.

WORST OF THE WORST

Kendall Jenner at an Oscar after-party. I’m not saying she’s a whore but … yeah, she’s dressed like a whore. This is stupid, tasteless and ugly, and I bet That Woman picked it out.

HOTTEST MEN

Michael B, Jordan in blue velvet just screams sex … or maybe that was me screaming at the TV last night when I first saw him. Yeah, that’s it.

Henry Golding is old school glam hotness. I.Was.Stunned.

CLASSIC MEN—clockwise

Chris Evans. I’ve seen him nude and I’ve seen him in a suit. I’ve seen him with the beard, and I’ve seen him without. Any way you slice it, he’s hot.

James McAvoy is here for a couple of reasons … his baby blues and that accent.

David Oyelowo always seems to wear velvet, though he switches up the color, it ain’t easy being green, but he pulls it off.

Rami Malek is a tiny morsel of tuxedo chic, and now he has an Oscar that’s just as tall.

FASHION FORWARD MEN

Adam Lambert. At first, I was annoyed at the cuffs hanging out and flopping around, and then I was like, “I need those cuffs.”

Nicholas Hoult wore a tuxedo that had a cape-scarf thing with it. I kinda wish he’d have modeled it because I think it might have looked cool.

Chadwick Boseman always rocks a fashion moment—Sidenote: I loathe people who say ‘moment’ so not I loathe myself—and this is no exception. It’s fun and fashion and elegant.

Stephan James brought the color … and the white shoes. At first, I thought the footwear was all wrong, and then I liked it …perhaps because Stephan is so hot. At any rate, I wanna suit with floppy cuffs, a scarf-cape-sarong thing and some white shoes. I’m soooo try-hard.

FABULOUS MAN

Billy Porter is about the only man who could pull off a man skirt—a ‘mirt’ if you will—and he brought it. I think he looks amazing. I’m. Dying.

ZEN MAN

Mahershala Ali is just the most serene, sweet human being… though I could have done without the headwear.

BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR MEN

Jason Momoa, Mr. Lisa Bonet. I like the risk of the pink velvet tuxedo, but I wish it fit better. The man is built like a brick … and a good suit would be fabulous.

Pharrell. Enough with the little boy suits and shorts. We get it, you think you’re adorable. We don’t.

Spike Lee. While I love that he finally won an Oscar—for my favorite movie from last year, BlacKkKlansman—this is too much; the Michael Jordan shoes, the Prince necklace; the rings that say Hate and Love. Tone it down Spike.

HOTTEST MAN 

AKA HOTTEST UNKNOWN MAN

Scott Evans is apparently some kind of TV personality for Access Hollywood, but he was smoldering up that carpet. My only quibble is that I wished he would have walked the carpet like this …

What did you think?