I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I don’t watch Celebrity Big Brother because they aren’t celebrities and Big Brother is stupid and, yes, Julie Chen. But apparently this time Hot Mess Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina “Pour me another” Lohan is in the house and she has admitted to having a boyfriend of over five years that she has never even met.

I smell catfish.

Dina says that she and her man, who lives in San Francisco, and may, or may not, be a ninety-year-old Chinese woman, have been in a long-distance relationship with for five years and she wants to marry him.

Hopefully after they meet.

Dina, who claims to speak to her beau every day, says the reason they’ve never met is because he lives in San Francisco where he :::cough:::: takes care of his mother, while she lives on the East Coast where she takes care of draining boxes of Chardonnay, and since they don’t have planes that fly coast-to-coast—that’s so science fiction—the two haven’t met.

And yet even more interesting, is that Celebrity Big Brother offered to fly Dina’s love from San Francisco to LA where the show is filmed to make their first meeting so special and not at all a ratings grab, and the boyfriend opted not to do that.

And it’s not because he’s a ninety-year-old Chinese woman.

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Miranda Lambert is a hot mess. Y’all know she began dating a married man who was with her on tour, and then dumped him as soon as his wife left him; Miranda likes her boyfriends to be married and stay married … to other women … but she’s also a food throwing hillbilly.

It seems Miranda, her mother and a family friend were dining at the Stoney River Steakhouse in Nashville and when the family friend, an unidentified male, went to use the restroom. Well, in that restroom, another man made an off-color remark to Miranda’s friend millennials and their phones, and the two men started shouting at one another.

When Miranda’s friend came back to the table, he told Miranda about the guy in the bathroom and suddenly that guy appeared at their table and started shrieking at them, too. Miranda started arguing with the older man and ALLEGEDLY had to be held back from physically assaulting him, so she did the second-best thing … she walked over to another table where the man’s wife was sitting and dumped a salad into the wife’s lap. The police were called but Miranda and her gang had already sped away from the restaurant.

I kinda thought she was white trash for the way she loved breaking up people’s marriages … after breaking up her own … but she’s opened a door to a whole sub-basement of redneck behavior now.

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Tonight …on a Very Special Blossom, Mayim Bialik goes all Miranda Lambert at an airport.

It seems The Big Bang Theory co-star, who pulls in about $450,000 an episode, was flying First Class and her flight was delayed. She then tried to book a seat for her enormous piece of luggage and threw a fit when she was refused, and saw “regular” people taking their “regular sized” carry-on luggage onto the flight. And so, as entitled folks do, Bialik took to Twitter and Instagram to troll for sympathy for her 1% problems:

“@UnitedAirlines i ran for 10 min to make the flight you made me late for with your delays. This is about humanity. She didn’t even say she was sorry. I’m sorry I flew your airline. Thanks for booking me on a later flight. But right now she needs to remember we are all human.”

“To the @UnitedAirlines flight attendant who shut the boarding gate in my face. I made my connecting flight in Houston. it was a tight squeeze but You said there were plenty of open seats. when you saw my carry on suitcase you said there was no room and shut the door in my face.”

“And also why couldn’t my little suitcase somehow fit? Maybe the first class seat I was supposed to sit in could have held it and I would have gladly sat in all of the open seats anywhere on that plane. :(“

“And there were five other people from my flight standing there with me who she let on the plane. Maybe she just doesn’t like The Big Bang Theory. They all had carry-on luggage too.”

According to an even longer Instagram explanation, which included a picture of her “little suitcase”, Bialik complained that the “lady stewardess”—apparently Bialik hasn’t flown in a plane since the 1950s—made her look like a “prima donna” because she shouted out, “I have a first-class seat!” … Bialik claims she wanted her luggage to have the first-class seat while she’d take a seat back in steerage with the poor folk …or something. 

She then suggested that “maybe the [lady stewardess] hates women who look like they’re going to cry” or that “maybe she hates the Big Bang theory.” Or maybe she hates self-entitled one-percenters who run late for their flights because their first flight was delayed but think their next flight should wait on the ground until Dame Lady Duchess Bialik arrives?

Siddown, Blossom.

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Kim Kardastrophe, who has clearly never met a plastic surgeon she didn’t want to employ, or a body part she didn’t want bigger, smaller, flatter, rounder, tighter or jigglier, is furious, furious I tell ya, that people think she had a nose job.

That’s her, up there, with the totally not altered schnoz.

But, while being a guinea pig at her makeup artist’s, Mario Dedivanovic, Master Class, Mario pointed out Kim had a small bump on her nose to a room filled with aspiring makeup artists and then demonstrated a nose contouring technique he uses to cover it up. And that’s when Kim declared that her nose is her lone original body part …

“I never had my nose done. Everyone thought I did, and I said wait until I have kids because your real features come out.”

Kim frequently mentioned her laser treatments and Botox, her waist cinching and her ass expanding, but that nose is as original as the fenders on my 1969 VW Bug that I had in college {note, the fenders weren’t real.]

And neither is the proboscis on that face

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Denise Richards made her first appearance on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and … she seems nice. But we all know nice doesn’t get you too far on a Housewives show, so we need some dirt. Like how she met her latest husband, Aaron Phypers. Denise says they met at his “wellness” center and that she was a client, but … here’s some dirt.

See, up until a couple of years ago, Aaron was married to Denise’s neighbor, Nicolette Sheridan, so maybe she met on the corner, and then at the “wellness”? Keep in mind, this is the same Denise Richards who dated Richie Sambora, who had been married to another of her neighbors, Heather Locklear.

Now, that doesn’t mean Denise is a husband stealing she devil running amok in the ‘hood stealing her friend’s husbands …

Does it?

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