Thursday, January 17, 2019


The other night, while watching the telly, Tuxedo climbed into my lap, curled up and fell asleep. Ozzo walked over to Carlos, who tried to get Ozzo into his lap, but Ozzo knows who’s the boss, and when he looked at me for permission, I said:
Carlos said:
“It’s unfair. The cats can get on all the furniture, but Ozzo can’t.”
I replied:
“The cats have retractable claws. Ozzo doesn’t and he can ruin the furniture.”
Carlos said:
“But Tuxedo is in your lap, why can’t Ozzo sit in mine.”
I replied:
“Because there are different rules for dogs and cats in this house, just like there are different rules for white people and Mexicans.”
Ouch. Lucky for me, he laughed ... and then started building a wall.
Why don’t I like Walmart, you ask …

In Wichita Falls, Texas, local police were called to a Walmart after a woman was reported to be drinking wine from a Pringles can and riding an electric cart in the parking lot. Officers found the woman at a nearby restaurant and told her she was banned from the Walmart. 

Imagine that … banned from Walmart,
One morning I heard Carlos get up to take his shower. I, however, was nowhere near ready to wake up, so I drifted back to sleep where I dreamt that Carlos had gone to some sunny beach spot for a work seminar. And I stayed home; except I didn’t.

I snuck off to surprise him. But when I got to the unnamed, though gorgeous, beach hotel—and let me just say, I dream in vivid color and detail, so it was some swanky spot—and buzzed Carlos’ room, he didn’t answer. I tried several times that first day and he never answered. I thought maybe he was at a seminar class, so I coerced a maid into letting me into the room where, and this is a dream, remember, so there’s no rhyme or reason, I stole his shoes. I guess I was hoping he’d realize it was me, except he didn’t. I still didn’t hear from him.

So, I called his cell phone; it rang and rang and rang, and when it finally picked up, it clearly wasn’t Carlos but some other man. I was pissed. And then I heard Carlos behind me ….
Sweetie pie? Sweetie pie? … It’s time to get up …
And there he was on the bed  waking me up from my dream. And  even after I told him what he’d done in my dream, he never apologized for ditching me and not answering his phone or explaining who that was who picked up when I called!
A traveler carrying a firearm boarded a Delta Air Lines flight from Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport and flew to Tokyo Narita International Airport on January 3, according to a statement from the Transportation Security Administration [TSA].

The security breach came two weeks into the government shutdown, during which TSA agents have been required to work but have not received paychecks, however, the TSA dismissed suggestions the government shutdown contributed to the security lapse.

Uh huh.
I have an idea for the next government shutdown, and you know there’ll be one as long as _____ is in office and doesn’t get his way. Howsabout rather than furloughing workers, or forcing people to work without pay, a government shutdown means that the president, his Cabinet, all members of the House and Senate, all state officials from the governor on down, work without pay?

Why punish the workers? Punish those responsible for the shutdown, those who refuse to work together on all sides.

That’s what I’d do.
That was then ….
“I honestly try and walk with Jesus Christ every day … My relationship with Jesus Christ is not lip service. It is of utmost importance to me. It is even more important than my relationship with my wife. I know that my wife considers her relationship with Him more important than her relationship with me. Ultimately, that’s who I’m going to have to face. That’s going to be a great day.”—Born-again Christian and former World Series MVP John Wetteland
This is now … John Wetteland was arrested and charged with child sex abuse. Wetteland allegedly sexually abused a 4-year-old relative beginning in 2004 when he forced the child to perform a sex act on him.

Just sayin’.
Carol Channing has passed away at 97.

Five years ago, when she was asked if there was anything she hadn’t gotten around to doing yet, she replied:
“No, I did everything that I ever thought was marvelous.”
And that’s how you live.

RIP Miss Channing
As someone who is utterly out-of-touch, woefully inept, morally bankrupt, inarticulate as fuck, _____ actually Tweeted praise for himself for serving the National Football Champion Clemson Tigers fast food at their celebratory White House visit.

Alas, because he’s dumb as a stump, he bungled the spelling of the word “hamburgers” and instead called them “hamberders” and, well, Burger King ran with it.

And then there was Barack and Hillary ...

And then this ...

A couple of news shows, with a couple of new hotties …

The Passage is the story of a botched U.S. government experiment that turns a group of death row inmates into highly infectious vampires; I’m a sucker for a vampire tale … see what I did there?

It stars McKinley Belcher III, top … I’m assuming …  and Henry Ian Cusick—a lost hottie on the bottom right—so it might be worth a look-see.

Then there’s Valley of the Boom, a look at the tech boom of the 1990s in Silicon Valley. One of the leads is Dakota Shapiro, bottom left; he has that kind of not-hot-but-hot look about him.


the dogs' mother said...

Where to start?!
First ((Carlos))
Clinton and Obama!! xoxox
The order at the drive window.

mistress maddie said...

Oh poor Ozzo. Look at that face. How can he not be allowed on ones lap???

That looks like the dumps usual lunch. Maybe his arictires will clog and......

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

I don’t even know where to start. Let’s just say Dogs over cats (sorry, Tux!). Banned from Walmart should be a movie. Cheeto is as classless as all hell and I’m watching The Passage just for the men.



Moving with Mitchell said...

I agree with Carlos... and I think YOU should pay for that wall ... comment!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Ha ha, those hamberder memes are all great!

Dave R said...

My money says the Idiot Jerk has always called them hamberders because trying to correct him would have been futile.

The gun episode is scary.

Both of my dogs are allowed on the furniture...after all, it's only furniture.

Professor Chaos said...

I thought a woman on a mobility scooter drinking wine from a Pringles can was Wal-Mart's corporate mascot.

anne marie in philly said...

I think (dream) carlos should explain himself to you!

Martha said...

HAHAHA! Those hamberder memes/tweets! SO FUNNY!

Bob Slatten said...

I know, right? =)