It's Snarkurday!

So, the Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker spat sunk to a new low this week after Cattrall’s missing brother was found dead.

Cattrall had posted to Instagram the news that her brother Christopher had disappeared, and the next day posted that he had been found dead. SJP offered her condolences in a comment on the post, and then again when asked about it by gossip show Extra:

“I can’t begin to know how her family is managing such a loss. We all send her our love and condolences and grant her the privacy that she’s asked for.”

Kim, who had Tweeted thanks to her fans and her “#SexAndTheCity colleagues” for their support was not having SJP:

“I don’t need your love & support at this tragic time @sarahjessicaparker”

And then added:

“My Mom asked me today ‘When will that [Sarah Jessica parker], that hypocrite, leave you alone?’ Your continuous reaching out is a painful reminder of how cruel you really were then and now. Let me make this VERY clear. (If I haven’t already) You are not my family. You are not my friend. So, I’m writing to tell you one last time to stop exploiting our tragedy in order to restore your ‘nice girl’ persona.”

Ouch. But, clearly, as all of us in the world, other than SJP, know, she and Cattrall are not friends, and if you wanted to send your condolences to your friend, Sarah, you could have, and should have, done so privately.

In case you weren’t sure, I’m #TeamCattrall

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Oh, this is juicy … it appears that Quincy Jones let it slip that Marlon Brando and Richard Pryor had a bit of a fling, sexually speaking; a rumor that was confirmed by Pryor’s widow, Jennifer:

“It was the ’70s! Drugs were still good, especially Quaaludes. If you did enough cocaine, you’d fuck a radiator and send it flowers in the morning.”

While I was hoping it was Streetcar Marlon and not Last Tango Marlon, if you get my meaning, Pryor’s daughter, Rain, instantly flew off the handle at the idea that her father had sex with Brando … ever … and posted a lengthy post to Facebook denouncing Quincy for tainting her father’s legacy, and then adding that her stepmother Jennifer is a “bottom feeder.”

And yet, oddly enough, Rain says her father was bisexual, so it wasn’t the bisexual rumor that got her feathers ruffled, it was Brando.

Clearly that means it was Last Tango Brando.

The shame.

But she isn’t the only offspring pissed off at the story; Brando’s son, Miko, is also mighty annoyed that this story is out there, and told TMZ:

“The Marlon Brando family has heard the recent comments by Quincy Jones and we are disappointed that anyone would make such a wrongful comment about either Marlon Brando or Richard Pryor.”

And yet again, his own father seemed quite open to affairs with men; in an interview for his autobiography, Marlon Brando: The Only Contender, Brando said:

“Homosexuality is so much in fashion, it no longer makes news. Like a large number of men, I, too, have had homosexual experiences, and I am not ashamed.”

So, again, it’s not the idea that his father had affairs with men, it’s just the idea of his father having an affair with Pryor.

Brando’s family says he f**ked men, but not Pryor, and Pryor’s kid say her daddy f**ked men but not Brando.

Uh huh.

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Back to SJP … as is her habit, Parker does not directly comment on the bad things said about her, she has third parties and minions do it for her; which is why her bestie Andy Cohen flapped his yap about Kim’s Instagram meltdown over SJP’s condolences.

“I thought [Kim’s response] was fake. There was no way Kim Cattrall has posted this on her Instagram.”

Ah, but it was Kim Cattrall, and, again, there is no love lost between the two women, but SJP cannot stand to be made to look like a not nice person, so she sent her Flying Monkey Andy out to spread her story:

“[SJP] expressed her condolences on the post … I would not call that exploiting a tragedy. What was she supposed to do? Say something bad? I don’t understand. I also don’t like it that people are characterizing this as a fat catfight. There’s only one person fighting here.”

It’s like it doesn’t even enter their heads that Kim is grieving and that if you’re not particularly close to her, you should probably just shut up and leave her alone.

SJP spent the past six months belittling Kim about not doing Sex and the City #75 and yet now she’s all sweetness and light.

I ain’t buying it.

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Taylor Swift loves to sue people she thinks are stealing her oh-so-important-and-meaningful lyrics, but sometimes it’s other people saying Swifty stole their intellectual property.

Now a judge has decided there is nothing intellectual about a Taylor Swift lyric and thrown out a lawsuit filed by Sean Hall and Nathan Butler who claim TayTay’s lyrics in “Shake It Off” infringed on their lyrical copyright from the song “Playas Gon’ Play.”

Judge Michael Fitzgerald dismissed their lawsuit, but this is about what he said when he dismissed it:

“In the early 2000s, popular culture was adequately suffused with the concepts of players and haters to render the phrases ‘playas … gonna play’ or ‘haters … gonna hate’, standing on their own, no more creative than ‘runners gonna run’; ‘drummers gonna drum’; or ‘swimmers gonna swim.’ … It is banal. The allegedly infringed lyrics are short phrases that lack the modicum of originality and creativity required for copyright protection.”

Sure, he told Hall and Butler their lyrics were too inconsequential to steal, but that was also a smack to Swifty, who claimed the “banal” lyrics were hers and hers alone.

Cue a new track on an upcoming Swifty album called “Judges Gon Hate: The Banal Remix.”

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Recently Tiffany Haddish, the new ‘It’ girl in Hollywood, got to hang out Jay-Z and Beyoncé backstage at his LA concert. She took selfies with the Carters and now cannot stop talking about them; apparently, she’s on their publicity team now and trying to put out a story about drama with the Carters:

“Okay, so what had happened was, something had went down with somebody at the party, right? I’m not at liberty to say what had went down at the party, but Beyoncé was just telling me to have a good time, and I was like, ‘No, I’m gonna end up fighting this bitch!’ She was like, ‘No, have fun, Tiffany,’ and I said, ‘I’m only going to have fun if you take a selfie with me.’”

Huh? Well, the bitch Haddish wanted to fight was ALLEGEDLY an unnamed actress who got a little too close to Jay-Z’s wandering eyes and penis and Beyoncé’s new bestie was going to the mattresses for her.

“I was talking to Jay-Z for a little bit, and there was another actress that was there who was also talking to Jay-Z. [The actress] touched Jay-Z’s chest and Beyoncé came walking up like … ‘Biitttchhh!’ But, she didn’t say that. But her demeanor, her body from the way she walked up on them said, ‘Get your hands off my man’s chest.’ So, then she also started talking to the other actress and some other stuff happened but I’m not gonna say nothin’ yet.”

Look, I’m not saying it did happen, and I’m not saying it didn’t happen. I’m just saying that one day soon, we’ll have a new Beyoncé song about an actress and her man, followed by a Jay-Z rap about his wife being jealous.

Cuz it’s all about the coins for the Carters.

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Remember last week when accused sexual predator, Republican douchebag Scott Baio urged his victim, Nicole Eggert, to go to the police? And then she did? And the police opened an investigation?

There’s more … Eggert and Baio’s co-star on Charles In Charge, Alexander Polinsky was at a press conference with Nicole Eggert and her lawyer Lisa Bloom and spilled the tea about Baio saying he saw Baio sexually abuse Nicole, but Nicole wasn’t Baio’s only target.

He claims Baio came for him, too, and at one point made a hole in the canvas wall of Alexander’s dressing room and stuck his dick through it.  Grown-assed man Scott Baio making a glory hole in an underage boy’s dressing room?

Alexander says Baio abused him for the entire run of Charles in Charge, starting when he was 11 years old. It began when Alexander saw a then 14-year-old Nicole sitting on a then 26-year-old Scott Baio’s lap and wanted to join the fun—he thought Baio was telling her a story—but Baio became furious and pushed Alexander away and called him a “faggot.”

Baio began terrorizing Alexander daily; he started off telling this child about the kinds of gay sex acts he would perform when he got older. He told Alexander which female co-stars of the show he had sex with. He constantly called Alexander a faggot. Baio pulled down the boy’s pants in front of everyone. He became enraged at Alexander before shooting a scene and threw hot tea at his face.

Alexander says he told people on the set about the bullying, but they did nothing out of fear of losing their jobs, and so now he has also given his statement to the police although all he really wants is an apology from Scott Baio.

And Baio, well his lawyers, did hold a press conference that same day to say:

“For reasons I don’t understand I am the target of false claims that threaten everything that’s important in my life. I’m hurt, and I’m angry, but mostly I am stunned that anyone could be so cruel as to attack not just me but my entire family with lies. I will not let this continue unchallenged, and will use every ounce of strength and faith in God that I have to defeat the people behind this. This story is just beginning to be told.”

It’s the same old song and dance, Eggert and Polinsky are picking ion Scott Baio. Baio will never apologize for something he didn’t do and will sue them all.

Oh, and Scott? God isn’t on your side, dear.

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Well, even though the gossip magazines have been saying for months that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux were fine, they’re not.

They each announced this week that after two-and-a-half years of marriage, they’re done:

“In an effort to reduce any further speculation, we have decided to announce our separation. This decision was mutual and lovingly made at the end of last year. We are two best friends who have decided to part ways as a couple, but look forward to continuing our cherished friendship. Normally we would do this privately, but given that the gossip industry cannot resist an opportunity to speculate and invent, we wanted to convey the truth directly. Whatever else is printed about us that is not directly from us, is someone else’s fictional narrative. Above all, we are determined to maintain the deep respect and love that we have for one another.”

And now, cue the gossip magazines new stories about Jen running back to Brad.

And, um, maybe, Justin, running to me?

Just sayin’.

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It used to be that the trashiest of Real Housewives were the women of Atlanta, but all that changed when the No-Longer-Countess LuAnn de Lesseps drank her way into the wrong bed in a Palm beach hotel and was arrested for being a drunken slutty mess.

But LuAnn, never one to shy away from attention, has opted to reject a plea deal that would have saved her from doing time in the big house.

LuAnn will now go to court next month in South Florida over charges of being violent with an officer and resisting arrest.

Are we about to see The Real Housewives of Orange is the New Black?

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