It's Snarkurday!

Mel B and her soon-to-be ex-husband, Stephen Belafonte, were put on blast by an LA judge this week for “living beyond their means” ... like the fact that Mel B says she spends $9,000 a month on groceries and dining out, along with $1,300 on entertainment expenses, court documents show.

Judge Lawrence Riff says Mel B and Belafonte enjoyed a “high upper-class life” during their nearly 10-year marriage but that their expenses were not “entirely credible or reasonable.”

Ya think?  Mel claims her monthly expenses include $20,000 in “child care,” $5,000 in “groceries and household supplies” for a family of four, $4,493 for “eating out,” and $1,313 for “movies, shows, theme parks, etc.”

As for Belafonte, he claims to spend $2,300 a month on “groceries and household supplies,” $750 in cell phone expenses, $2,000 in clothes and $3,000 on “entertainment, gifts and vacation.” Riff says the pair should’ve kept their personal living expenses capped at $51,000 a month.

Fifty-one-thousand a month? How does a judge expect a family of six to live on $1700 a day? But wait, it gets better; on Friday, the judge ordered Mel B to pay Belafonte $40,000 per month in emergency spousal support and another $140,000 in legal fees. So he’ll have to get by on $1300 a day now that the Mel B Gravy Train has left the station.

Poor man.

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It was a little more than a week ago that Shia LaBeouf was arrested for being drunk and disorderly, and has-been boy bander Aaron Carter took to Twitter to mock Shia by saying he’s been a celebrity a lot longer and never been arrested.

Oops. Carter got into some serious trouble—in Georgia, too, just like Shia—after he was arrested for DUI and possession of weed and drug accessories.

And the drama is only beginning to grow ... like the fact that his mugshot makes him look less celebrated and more like the meth dealer who sells from a dumpster behind the Piggly Wiggly on Us 1 in Smallville.

Secondly, we have Aaron’s brother Nick, an expert in the art of mugshots after his own series of arrests, taking to Twitter to talk to his brother:

“To my brother: I love u no matter what & if u feel the need to reach for help, I am here and willing to help you get better.”

“Family isn't always easy, be we're all here for you.”

Aaron called out Nick for using his arrest “for his PR” instead of contacting him directly. But, according to Nick’s wife, Lauren, Nick would have called personally ... if he’d had his brother’s phone number.

Anyway, back to Aaron and the Excuses ... he claims that his arrest happened after he and his girlfriend stopped at an AutoZone to get a new tire for his car ... You know how that always leads to an arrest ... and he says he has a medical marijuana license for the weed ... because who doesn’t ... and finally Aaron believes he was “targeted” by the police because he is a ... wait for it ... celebrity.

And so now Aaron has threatened to sue the Habersham County cops who arrested him because he says they never saw him driving a car that night ... though he ALLEGEDLY refused a breathalyzer and urine test and says there was nothing in his system.

Still, I keep going back to that mugshot ... Just sayin’.

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I guess since he and his mistress have now come out in the open, Ben Affleck no longer needs Batman? Or Batman doesn’t need him?

Affleck‘s ties to the upcoming film The Batman are almost all gone ... starting with the fact that, after his first time in the cape fell flatter than his marriage, now it appears that the director of the upcoming second installment read the script that Ben wrote and scrawled “Pass” on it in red ink.

Yup, The Batman’s new director Matt Reeves revealed that he won’t be using the script Ben wrote and will, instead, be using a “new story” for his Batman movie. New as in without Affleck?

The only sad part of this story is that, in Ben’s script, now smoldering in a  trash can at Warner Brothers, Joe Manganiello was set to play Deathstroke, and so maybe we won’t see Joe’s Magnificent ass in tights any time soon.

Damn you, Ben Affleck, damn you.

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China gets a bad rap over a lot of things ... polluting the plant ... human rights violations ... the one-child policy ... but there are times when you gotta give ‘em a high five. See, this week China banned Justin Bieber for bad behavior.

Beijing's Culture Bureau responded to a fan's request asking why the Biebs' Purpose tour has scheduled dates in Japan, Indonesia, the Philippines, Singapore and Hong Kong but NOT China:

"Justin Bieber is a gifted singer, but he is also a controversial young foreign idol. As far as we are concerned, he has engaged in a series of bad behaviors, both in his social life and during a previous performance in China."

The bureau didn't give specifics but you may recall that back in 2013 Bieber was carried onto the Great Wall of China like royalty.

So, maybe it’s that or maybe it’s just that Bieber’s a spoiled little dick and China doesn’t want their kids getting any ideas.

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Back when Gwyneth Paltrow first started GOOP it was her attempt to train the peasants in better ways to live ... if they had $1500 for a t-shirt, or a doctor who would Stanley Steamer their vaginas.  But, over the years, GOOP has shifted from Advice For The Poverty Stricken From The Entitled Actress to straight up commerce.

And her advice ... like “earthing” AKA taking off your shoes and walking in the grass ... or the Paltrow Eight Day Goat Milk Only Cleanse Using GOOP Goat Milk ... and her push for women to slip a Jade Egg up their hoo-haws ... is causing at least one doctor to come for Gwynnie.

Many of GOOP’s latest medical recommendations have been refuted by actual doctors, and one of those, Dr. Jen Gunter, OBGYN, seems on a mission to discredit all things Paltrow.

Gunter has become a folk hero for the Anti-GOOP’s which really gets under Gwyneth’s thin skin ... as she showed recently when she devoted one of her GOOP letters to a Gunter Smackdown.

Paltrow, in that annoying condescending tone she uses, tried to explain that GOOP merely presents women with more information ... that costs ,,, and that GOOP’s critics aren’t merely trying to disseminate the correct medical information, they’re actually being “dismissive” of all of Gwyneth’s precious gurus and shamans.

Along with the editorial, Paltrow also published an editorial from Dr. Steven Gundry, who specifically addresses Gunter’s various takedowns, but seems more interested in the fact that Gunter uses the occasional f-bomb when talking GOOP. He also attacks her medical knowledge and is dismissive of the idea that Dr. Gunter might also be concerned about women’s health because, again, OBGYN.

Gunter responded:

“I must be affecting @goop's bottom line”

“Hey @GwynethPaltrow I give away my health info for free, you sure sell lots of stuff. Do you and your pals at @goop know about bias?”

Naturally, folks took Gunter's side and someone posted to the GOOP site:

“She made me laugh, a lot. But mostly I cheered for her, because she’s David and Goop is Goliath and Dr. Gunter is going to take that a–hole down.”

And I’d like a seat in the front row.

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This.Is.Rich.

Kim Kardastrophe is said to be “furious” over recent videos showing her partying hard; the video, taken when Kim was 23, comes on the heels of that "cocaine" picture she Instagrammed while on vacation ... "cocaine: that she later said was just candy.

A source—and clearly it’s Khloe who’s always been jealous—says:

“Kim feels incredibly humiliated by everything that has come out about her in these past couple of weeks. She’s in crisis mode.”

And so now That Woman is trying to do damage control in order to save Kim’s “career”.

I don’t know what’s funnier ... the idea that someone put the words “Kim Kardastrophe” and “career” in the same sentence, or that the woman who sold Kim’s sex-tape in order to make her daughter a “star”—and don’t get me started on that—is not trying to salvage her daughter’s reputation over another video.

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WWE wrestler John Cena shaves his balls. He also shaves his knuckles. And the crack of his ass.

Every. Day. He spends up to 30 minutes to an hour a day shaving.  And he’s perfectly comfortable sharing these details:

“I’m completely man-scaped from head to toe—from the ears down—so that takes a bit of time. I’m constantly trying to stay up on fine lines in my skin and that stuff, so I’m a lot more grooming-centric than you would realize. My routine is a lot more than you would think—I’d say it’s a strong 7 ½ out of 10.”

And, for what it’s worth, John, if you ever get too busy and need someone to take over the job ... call me.

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