Saturday, March 09, 2013

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

A couple of weeks ago I heard that Brendan Fraser had fallen on hard times—I guess there aren’t many rolls for a dimwitted Mummy chasing Indiana Jones wannabe—and was trying to have the $900,000 a year he pays his ex wife in alimony and child support reduced.

First question …. Nine Hundred G’s? Did he ever make enough money to be court ordered to pay almost a million dollars a year in support?

But I digress. Still, I thought it exorbitant, given his career these days, or lack thereof. But then I learned that Fraser earns an amazing $251,504 a month; or $2.8 million a year. He says nearly half of that goes for, ahem, “professional fees” like for his agent, his mortgage[s], taxes, insurance; gardening. Here are his monthly expenses and why he can no longer afford the 900K to the ex and the kids:

Alimony — $50,000
Mortgages — $5,000+
Property tax — $6,000+
Income tax — $34,132.52
Child support — $25,000
Gardening — $5,200
Various insurances — $5,000+
Family support and gifts — $5,000+
Staffing — $3,000
Pet care — $7.77

All told, Fraser’s expenses have him losing $87,320.01/month, though his assets total some $25 million, so, um, yeah, he’s not really destitute.

But….five thousand a month on gardening? Mow your own damn lawn. And what is the seven bucks on pets? Does he have a Flea Circus?

Someone needs to readjust his priorities. 
On the Lohan front, a few months ago, prosecutors were in talks with Lindsay’s then-attorney Shawn Holley on a plea deal that would have included mandatory jail time and some six months of rehab. But then Lindsay fired Holley—because she owes her $300,000 and thought she could skip out on that bill like she skipped out on the Chateau Marmont—and hired a new lawyer who’s about as dumb as a Box of Lohans.

Still, he was able to deal this thing down to no jail, two months of rehab, and a gentle slap on the wrist that doesn’t hold the vodka bottle. Lindsay, though, because she’s the original Box of Lohans, won’t take the deal because she’s innocent. Dammit!

Lindsay says she’s not accepting any of it because to her it sounds like “punishment for something I didn’t do.”

Now, to be fair, maybe she wasn’t all drunk and stuff when she plowed into the truck last June, but no one seems to say that she wasn’t driving, and then lying to police about being the driver. She tried to pin it on her assistant but after he bailed her out of jail for punching the psychic she made him get out of the limo, and he gone all Team Jail-time.

I hope she doesn't take a deal. I hope she goes to trial and gets jail time and then has sit in solitary confinement 24/7 watching Liz & Dick on a loop.
Sometimes people have so much money they don’t know what to do with it. I mean, since all the children in the world are fed, and the environment has been fixed, and there are no diseases ravaging the countryside, what oh what does a pampered self-indulgent lip-syncing celebrity do with her cash?

Well, if you’re Beyoncé, you buy a pair of Isabel Marant sneakers made from 5 different animal skins for a shade over $5,000. The, um, ‘King Bey’ sneakers are made from snakes, stingrays, crocodiles, ostriches, and baby calves. 

Naturally, PETA is tired of this nonsense and released a statement:
These custom-made kicks come with a high price—and it’s paid by the various animals that were beaten and skinned alive or cruelly farmed and killed. Although most people aren’t as familiar with the types of animals (snakes, stingrays, crocodiles, and ostriches) killed for this single pair of sneakers as they are with the cats and dogs we share our homes with, these animals are highly sensitive living beings who try hard to avoid capture and suffer enormously when trapped, netted, speared, and skinned alive…
A spokesperson from PMK!—which is producing the skin sneakers, released this nonsense:
No animals were beaten, harmed, or killed in the development and crafting of the “King Bey” sneaker. The exotic skins used to construct the “King Bey” sneaker were at the sole discretion of PMK and are not in association with any decisions, requests, or opinions of Beyoncé and her affiliated parties. All leather and exotic skins used by PMK are from a legal supplier in New York.
Oh, so Beyoncé didn’t personally kill the snakes or ostriches, so that makes it okie-dokie. Just like the PMK Jay-Z shoes, “The Brooklyn Zoo,” also made with about 5 different skins.

Like I said, when you have too much money, and think too highly of yourself, what does it matter if you skin five animals so you can sell shoes?
Back to Lohan ….

Last week Lindsay’s new lawyer Mark Heller appeared before a judge, attempting to show the need for one of Lindsay’s multiple charges to be dismissed. The attempt at dismissal was for the “lying to police” charge, I think, or maybe being a bad actress, or for doing porn, I’m not sure.

But what I am sure about is that Judge Jim Dabney reamed Lindsay’s mouthpiece in open court. Dabney told Heller he was incompetent to practice law in California and said Lindsay either has to get another lawyer who knows what he’s doing or she has to come into court and waive her right to a competent California lawyer. Ouch.

But Heller was to be deterred. He said the judge needed to show Lindsay “mercy and compassion.”

Like the mercy and compassion she showed us with Liz & DickI.Don’t.Think.So.

Heller gave a press conference after the judge called him out and refused to dismiss the charges, and said, and this is true y’all, he said, “My client is a nice young lady who visits autistic children in her spare time.”

Even Lindsay laughed at that one. From under a bar somewhere.
So there was this whole hubbub about Anne Hathaway’s Oscar dress. It seems she was supposed to wear a specially-made Valentino gown, but ended up wearing that pink Prada disaster instead.

Well, now we know that the night before the Oscars Anne learned that Amanda Seyfried would be wearing an Alexander McQueen gown that so closely resembled Anne's specially made Valentino that she just could not do it; would not do it!

Now, I don’t blame her. If I had a nickel for every time I wore a specially made Valentino and Amanda Seyfried showed up in a strikingly similar gown, well, let’s just say I’d have Brendan Fraser money.

An insider close to the situation—possibly a gossipy stylist—says Hathaway learned during an Oscar rehearsal that Seyfried planned to wear a dress notably similar to hers. In fact, Anne asked about the dress and Seyfried showed her an iPhone snap of the Alexander McQueen creation.

“Anne was like ‘WTF?!’” the source says. “She started throwing a fit!”

To be fair, Anne never asked Amanda to not wear her dress, so Anne could wear her dress on the big night, but, the source goes on to say, “Amanda didn’t want to deal with it and left.”

However, the drama didn’t end there. Hathaway fumed over the dresses, making her team of ‘people’ wait for hours until she decided what dress she’d wear instead of the specially created Valentino original.

Now, this may all seem much ado about nothing, but even Anne Hathaway weighed in on the kerfuffle in a statement released by her publicist: 
“It came to my attention late Saturday night that there would be a dress worn to the Oscars that is remarkably similar to the Valentino I had intended to wear, and so I decided it was best for all involved to change my plans. Though I love the dress I did wear, it was a difficult last-minute decision as I had so looked forward to wearing Valentino in honor of the deep and meaningful relationship I have enjoyed with the house and with Valentino himself. I deeply regret any disappointment caused.”
Wow. All about the dress? Really? And why wouldn’t she wear the Valentino? She was the one winning the award and her picture would fly around the world, not Amanda Seyfried.

I guess it’s true that Oscar is just about fashion these days, and not the movies.
Oh LaToya Jackson, what you won’t do to appear relevant, and cash a paycheck.

It seems LaToya—who, like OJ, promised to find the real killer of Michael Jackson, and then did nothing—is still trying to cash in on her brother’s death by cashing in on his kids and getting them on TV.

See, LaToya signed all three—Prince, Blanket and Paris—to the Ja-Tail Enterprises talent agency, which has no other clients and has been whoring them out and taking an agent’s commission in doing so. Paris has been signed up to do a movie, and Prince is a new “correspondent” on Entertainment Tonight, and will appear on the just cancelled 90210. Blanket, well, we’re not sure yet ….

But, if that isn’t enough, she’s shopping around a reality show set to showcase the three Jackson “children” and might be giving this Hot Mess In Waiting to none other than Also-Desperate-To-Return-To-The-Spotlight Oprah Winfrey.  Insiders said bidding has approached $10 million, so LaToya stands to make a cool $1.5 million on that deal alone.

LaToya was able to scoop up these three living paychecks because most of her siblings are legally barred from the Jackson mansion following the videotaped fight between Paris and her aunt Janet, the failed coup on Jacko’s will and the ALLEGED kidnapping-disappearance of Katherine.

Now, Michael was crazy, he was all kinds of crazy, but I imagine he’s rolling over in his solid gold casket over the antics of his money-grubbing sister.
Poor Justin Bieber. He threw himself a big birthday party in London, but he got over-stimulated—as often happens with kids and cakes and candies—and is now in time out.

See, Justin threw himself a big birthday party at the Cirque du Soir, and his entourage got into some kind of beef with the on-site security so instead of using his words and dealing with the situation like an adult, Justin just left the club and whined about it on Twitter.

“Worst birthday,” he tweeted to his more than 35 million followers. 

So what went wrong? A source at London’s Cirque du Soir, where the pseudo-Lesbian singer was celebrating with friends, says that there was a confrontation between Bieber’s team and security at the venue because 14-year-old party guest Jaden Smith, Will and Jada’s meal ticket,isn’t old enough for the club scene.

Still, other sources say the confrontation was about more than just Jaden. The security guards thought SEVERAL members of Justin’s crew looked “suspiciously young” and so they carded everybody, and several were refused entrance.

And Justin cried, and took his tears to Twitter.

Poor Biebs! Maybe he’ll get a better party at Lilith Fair?
Oh Rihanna, go away. Or, at least stop talking. The girl has awful taste in men, and tattoos, and just recently had a gun inked onto her side because, as she said, it’s a symbol for her strength as a woman and her insistence on not being a victim.

Again. Or whatever.

“Everybody wanted to know what was happening in my life. Is she a drug addict? No. Is she an alcoholic? No. Is she a victim? No,” Rihanna said. “That’s when I got the gun. It was a symbol of strength. I’ll never be a victim. That’s why I’m posting pictures of myself smoking pot, to tell the truth about myself. I’ve got so much to think about, why bring all this extra shit by being dishonest? I Instagram everything about my life, whether it’s smoking pot, in a strip club, reading a Bible verse – how crazy, I know! – or hanging out with my best friend, who happens to be Chris Brown.”

Methinks she’ll soon be wishing that tatted gun was the real thing if Chris Brown decides to use her face as a punching bag again.


BosGuy said...

Gosh not only has Fraser fallen on hard times but it looks as if he's losing his hair.

I remember how handsome he looked when he was younger. I had a bit of a crush on him back then.

the dogs' mother said...

Beyonce's shoes...words fail me but you did a good job :-)

anne marie in philly said...

I think you hit the muthaload of trainwrecks this weekend, bob! all of them should just die. period.

and yeah, brendan...WTF happened to YOU?

Ian said...

Bos Guy beat me too it on the comment on Brendan Fraser.

This is indeed sad, Brendan was a delicious man years ago. Like you said, he's not exactly destitute. If Matthew McConaughey can get hair plugs on the regular, so can he!

Ron said...


Every time I read one of your fabulous "I Ain't One To Gossip But...." posts, I think "What would happen if a REAL gossip column like this appeared in the National Enquirer or Globe?" OMG! The celeb whores, has beens and wanna bees would be all over your ass but you would be making a million dollars for telling the truth. Love the dish Bob, especially when it hits the mark every time like it does in your posts.


mistress maddie said...

Oh poor Brendan Fraser. Remember how hot he was in Gods and Monsters? Meanwhile Bob, you do realize that LaToya is really Michael in drag. He faked his death, and now just lives as LaToya, it was getting too hard to be seen at the same time! Beiber, who follows him?, except squealing girls and wanton old queens wanting to get in his pants

R.J. said...

If Brendan stiffed the gardener for a month, wouldn't it pay for a hair transplant?

Anne's dress gave her nipples their own Twitter account for a weekend. It was fun while it lasted.

I don't know why Bey paid so much money for what are basically Marty McFly's Back To The Future II self-lacing sneaker knockoffs.

Blobby said...

$7.77 for pet care? Ouch.

That must be his 'Scrubs' residual check.