Wednesday, May 09, 2018

The Met Gala: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, The Meh, The Kardastrophes

Well, another year and another Met gala and some really great clothes and some hot men and some trashy social climbers... Kim, Kris, Kylie and Kendall.

While the Oscars may be a fashion show, the Met Gala is a FASHION show, and some bring and others fail, so let's dish, whilst remembering that the theme this year was "Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination." 

I can't help but think that Blake Lively saw this in the window and just had to have it. Plus, she forgot her best accessory: Ryan Reynolds.

Brooke Shields is just so happy to be invited anywhere that she found this old gown from the 1980s and recycled it.

Cardi B paid attention to the theme, but is the secondary theme Scenes from Frozen.

Cindy Crawford, proving that a red sequined dress never goes out of style ,,,or proving that her style hasn't changed since last century?

Donatella Versace reminds us that you can never be too rich or too thin to design and wear an ugly outfit.

Emma Stone bringing Native American Catholicism to the red carpet. At least that's what i think she brought.

Ann Hathaway. Hideous red dress? Check. Chopsticks in the hair? Check. Let's go.

Janelle Monáe giving me Joan Crawford shoulders and a 1940s hat with chain mail hood realness. And I love it!

Jennifer Lopez. Cross your heart, she's still trying to rock that Angelina Jolie Leg™ all these years later.

Kay Perry. She looks like a squat fat Dunkin Donuts angel shrieking, Look at me! Over Here!! Look!At!Me!

I wondered what Susan Boyle was doing at the Met Gala until i realized it was Lena Dunham. Then I wondered WTF is this?

Lynda Carter, still riding that Did you know that I used to be Wonder Woman wave.

Madonna. I've got to give it to the old gal, she really brought it this year, and left the aging sleaze at home.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen look like they just flew in from an audition to play bridge trolls in a Lord of the Rings musical.

Miley Cyrus. Who knew Morticia Addams had a younger, more tattooed sister?

Nicki Minaj looks like the Devil in this outfit. If, you know, the Devil was a fierce, stylish black woman.

Rihanna. This is what he would wear if Pope Frankie Goes To Hollywood ever admitted he was a disco queen.

Sarah Paulson looks like a fragile angel, and I am loving it. She can do no wrong.

Sarah Jessica Parker. This is Katy Perry in forty years, or Donatella Versace ten years ago.

Solange Knowles bringing us Latex Dominatrix Jesus to the gala. Or, getting ready to rumble with Jay Z again.

Zendaya really stayed true to the theme and killed it with the Joan of Arc vibe. If Joan wore hooker heels.

Zoe Kravitz. Is it me, or do you also think part of her outfit was left back at the hotel?

Frances McDormand. I'd never expect her to be a Met Gala Girl, but she is killing me with this headpiece and the cape.

Andrew Garfield, auditioning for a James Bond film ... a twee, kinda fey James Bond who drinks Cosmos.

Chadwick Boseman. Looking at him, I always find religion. Just sayin.

Darren Criss get it simple, theme appropriate and chic, He's a little hottie.

Donald Glover is such a handsome man, but he didn't even try ... sigh.

Same with Michael B. Jordan, who did manage to slap a cross pin to his lapel.Still, he is purty.

Nick Jonas. We get it,m you have a rocking hard body, but maybe next time get a suit one size larger so you can at least move.

Justin Theroux looks a little lost without Jennifer Aniston hanging off his arm.

Jonah Hill came dress as one of the accountants from the Oscars.

Bradley Cooper and  Irina Shayk. He looks like he'd rather be anywhere but there.

Lana Del Rey and Jared Leto. I don't know what church they attend, but I smell cult.

Is that Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost or is it Bob and Eileen Middleton attending the Mutual of Omaha awards dinner?

Lastly, the Kardastrophes, who clearly didn't read their invitation correctly, although Kim slapped a cross or two on her dress and left her crazy husband in the car. And That Woman, who, I'm guessing, is really that hairy from the waist down. Kylie brought Baby Daddy Travis Scott and he looks a little like an armed guard to keep her in check. Finally, Kendall ... go home.


mistress maddie said...

I love the theme!!!! I of course loved Anna Wintour. My best dressed was by far, Blake lively, followed by Amanda Sayfried in the stunning gold gown. Then Lana del Rey and Jared Leto.madoona did good. This was one event to have fun and go over the top, so why so dressed beyond me.

Raybeard said...

If that had been a crown of thorns that Jared Leto had been wearing, well, perfect casting!

Leeanna Henderson said...

This idea for a theme was awesome! That coming from an ex-catholic school girl. I thought Madona nailed it. Somehow she looked like a nun to me. The Kartrashians forgot what they were there for or no one would design for them. So sad. You hit the nail on the head with Jared and Lana. They do look like leaders of a Californication cult. Okay, Zoe Kravitz, if you're gonna wear your black lace curtains, at least wear both panels. Zendaya really killed it. I thought the Joan of Arc look was fab. Solange thought she was at the "May the 4th Be With You" party. Yes, SJP is both Katy and Donatella. See what going back and forth in time does to your looks? OOooooo, Nicki Minaj looked sizzling as the Devil herself. Why do the Olsen twins even bother? They always look frumpy no matter what they wear. And what's with the sad looks all the time? Eat cheeseburger girls. Katy Perry looked like a fat pigeon. Michael the Arc Angel wore it better. Just sayin. Jennifer Lopez, your legs are fat. You should know better. Donatella, LOVE the boots. But it looks like you just threw a bolt of blue fabric around your waist and tied it with a fat belt. Well, you tried again. Cardi B, WTF? Are you supposed to be a scared virgin? HAHAHA, nice try. *sigh* Blake, nice dress but this isn't "Dune". Even though many of the Gala attendees looked like they showed up for it.

the dogs' mother said...

Wild and crazy, as always! Thanks for posting :-)

anne marie in philly said...

sorry, all I see are pimps and hos. not an attractive girl or guy in the bunch. and JFC, "ladies", PUT SOME BOBDAMN CLOTHES ON!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Oh, oh, J-Lo's pubes are out of control again.

Dave R said...

Comments are historical. Looks like donatella V sold her kingdom for a horse... and then forgot the horse. And I think Andy looks too much like a velvet princess. Oh, and I wonder how much the Olsen twins need to pay to get on the invite list...

Helen Lashbrook said...

I liked Ariana Grande and Gigi Hadid's outfits (the latter being the better of the two).

Donatella Versace has always looked like an aging whore