Bobservations

Last week we took Ozzo to the vet to have a dental cleaning and a growth removed from his hind leg. During the initial examination, which occurred a few days before, we were told the dental would be $787.00 and the “tumor” removal would be a shade over $800; we were also told that if any teeth needed to be removed that would be an additional charge.

I asked the doctor if there was a way we could whore out Ozzo to defray some of the costs … perhaps use him as a blood donor for other dogs at $50 a pop? Perhaps use him in their dog training classes as the What Not To Do Dog? Sadly, no.

Well, we learned as the surgical day went on that he had several teeth removed—he’s an older dog now, no matter how tiny he looks—and so as I picked Carlos up after work and we went to get Ozzo, we both muttered something like:

“It’s gonna be two thousand dollars for this dog.”

I, however, was the only one who asked if maybe we could just not go get the dog and skip out on the bill, and Carlos reminded me that the office manager at the vet’s office is the daughter of my boss and, well … damn this small town!

But, when we got to the office, and I pushed Carlos, kicking and screaming toward the counter, we learned that the entire bill was … $985, because Ozzo handled the anesthesia so well, and his little heart is so strong, that they were able to do both procedures one after the other, saving us about $800.

Ozzo. Even in a cone hat I think we’ll keep him.

The Fat Bastard’s new lawyer, Rudy “Dial All Nines For Legal Advice” Giuliani says _____ repaid attorney Michael Cohen for that $130,000 payment to Stormy Daniels to keep quiet about their affair but … it was just last month that the Fat Bastard told reporters he knew nothing about the payment, he didn’t know why Cohen made the payment and didn’t know where Cohen had gotten the money.

And yet now it appears he did pay Cohen back, so, everyone’s lying about this mess and if ______ didn’t disclose this payout on his financial disclosure forms that could be trouble.

Still, the best part is that they are claiming that _____ paid back a loan for hush money to a porn star who claims she had sex with _____—sorry, I threw up in mouth a little—that ____ says never happened.

Yes, he paid off a porn star for not having sex with him and then not talking about the sex they didn’t have.

Speaking of hypocrites, Mike “I’m Not Gay” Pence was in Tempe, Arizona, to headline an event for the pro-____ group America First Policies. And, in his speech, Pence singled out former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio for praise:

"A great friend of this president, a tireless champion of strong borders and the rule of law. Sheriff Joe Arpaio, I'm honored to have you here."

Wow … I thought Good Christians don’t lie because, as far as that "tireless champion of strong borders and the rule of law " business:

In 2011, a federal judge ordered Arpaio to stop stopping anyone who was not directly suspected of having committed a state or federal crime. Arpaio never acknowledged that order and continued enforcing his own brand of immigration policy. He was found guilty of criminal contempt and was scheduled to be sentenced last fall—until the Fat Bastard pardoned him because, well, racists stick together.

Oh, and let’s not forget the time that Joe Arpaio once faked an assassination attempt, then framed a man for it — all to win sympathy for his reelection campaign. The innocent man spent 4 years in jail until the lie was revealed; Arizona taxpayers footed the $1 million settlement.

And that’s who Mike “I’m Not Gay” Pence thinks would be a good candidate for Senate because, again, racists stick together.

Ah, the Catholic Church, shaming women for centuries …. 

Divine Child High School in Dearborn, Michigan, has come up with a plan to keep their female students from attending prom in revealing outfits. If any girl shows up in a dress that school officials deem risqué, they will be given a … wait for it, it’s rich … “Modesty Poncho” to wear.

Yup.

Donte Robinson and Rashon Nelson, the two black men arrested for sitting while black at a Philadelphia Starbucks settled with the world's biggest coffee-shop chain Wednesday for an undisclosed sum and be given the opportunity to complete their bachelor's degrees, their tuition fully covered, through a Starbucks partnership with Arizona State University. Also, the men will be given the chance to discuss their experience and share their recommendations for changes at Starbucks with former Attorney General Eric Holder.

But, better than that, the two men reached a deal with the city Philadelphia for $1 each and a promise from officials to set up a $200,000 program for young entrepreneurs:

"We thought long and hard about it, and we feel like this is the best way to see that change that we want to see. It’s not a right-now thing that's good for right now, but I feel like we will see the true change over time."— Donte Robinson

The men portrayed the twin settlements as an effort to make sure something positive came out of the April 12 incident.

Let’s hope.

Now, in Hate The Gays News, the Oklahoma House passed a bill that will allow adoption and foster care agencies to discriminate against parents whose lives violate the “sincerely held religious beliefs” of the agency.

I never knew an agency could have “sincerely held religious beliefs” but, still, the idiotically named “Adoption Protection Act” passed the GOP-controlled house in a 60-26 vote cuz, you know, Republicans hate The Gays.

Oklahoma Governor, and noted anti-LGBTQ bigot, Mary Fallin, a Republican because, of course, is expected to sign the bill.

So, Oklahoma would rather kids stay in foster care, in orphanages, in state care than be adopted by loving same-sex couples because, oh yeah, Hate The Gays.

In Good Gay News … 

After Zach Link, a Washington DC man who was brutally attacked in an anti-gay hate crime, is smiling again, now that DC dentist, Dr. Christopher Banks fixed his broken teeth for free.

When Dr Banks, also a member of the LGBTQ community,  learned of the attack on Link, he offered to help; he met with Zach and proceeded to restore his smile. Banks says:

“[The LGBTQ] community is beautiful in its resilience and desire to support each other. In a day and age wherein we shake our heads and proclaim hate and violence toward the LGBTQ is senseless and barbaric, we all know it still happens and all we can do is try to help each other pick up the pieces in the aftermath. Without knowing the depth, breadth and expense of Zach’s injuries, I reached out and offered full care because we are all members of a powerful loving LGBTQ community before anything else. It is through these acts of love in the face of hate that we will persist, thrive, and succeed in showing the world we want to be ‘one’.”

The march goes on, if we all stick together.

More Good Gays News … 

The New Zealand rugby team All Blacks and its sister team Black Ferns have amazing new jerseys to celebrate equality; the jerseys appear black when worn, but when stretched they reveal a rainbow:

“The result is a fabric that maintains its black appearance when at rest, but when stretched, reveals the deeper grooved portions of each rib and the colors underneath.”

LGBTQ supportive … and cool.

Jessica Farrar, a Texas Democratic … yes, Democratic … Representative has proposed a bill that would fine a man $100 each time he masturbates. The bill also imposes a 24-hour waiting period if a guy wants a colonoscopy or a vasectomy, or if he's in the market for some Viagra.

I first thought this was the height of stupidity, and thanked the goddess that I don’t live in Texas as I could not afford the Jerk Off Tax—I kid—but Farrar only introduced the bill to give male lawmakers a taste of their own medicine.

"Let's look at what Texas has done to women. What if men had to undergo the same intrusive procedures?"

Farrar's bill would penalize men for masturbation because … insert sarcasm … such behavior is a failure to preserve the sanctity of life and "an act against an unborn child."

I imagine Texas male lawmakers, though, don’t get the hypocrisy.

Pray Live, a division of the Maryland Prayer Center, has offered their response to the glut of gun violence in this country by giving concerned students and their families prayer wrist bands to wear. The organization’s founder, Wenda Royster, says God told her to do this:

“‘I need you to heal this nation by reminding school children and their parents that no matter what is going on around them, I am always there. Remember, only prayer changes behavior and things.' So, I created wristbands for mass distribution across the Country to remind our children that God is there with them, and that prayer changes things.”

Um, Wenda? Unless the wristbands are made from the same thing as Wonder Woman’s bracelets, which can actually stop bullets, you might wanna rethink this, because I can guarantee that at every mass shooting people are praying to stay alive as they are being shot to death, so your prayers are kinda useless.

Ass.

I’ve heard it said that you don’t make passes at boys who wear glasses. I beg to differ. 

Artyom Dubovik begs me to differ.