Thursday, May 24, 2018


I wasn’t really into the Royal Wedding for a variety of reasons …

Pomp and Circumstance ain’t my thang.

It started way too early.

And, perhaps, most importantly … Bitch stole my man.

Now, I love Carlos to death, but I was kinda hoping I would be the Duchess of Sussex, with my Hot Prince Ginger at my side, though, to be completely honest, I’d have named myself the Duchess of SucksIt, cuz, you know.

But …Carlos could not get enough of it. He’d say he wasn’t really interested, but every chance he got he was glued to a TV watching it, and then watching the summary of it, and then the recap of it, and then the highlights of it.

But, you know, he wasn’t really interested.
Poor racist ranting New York lawyer Aaron Schlossberg. You know, the hate-spewing asshat caught on a cell phone video threatening to call ICE on restaurant workers for speaking Spanish:
“My next call is to ICE to have each one of them kicked out of my country. If they have the balls to come here and live off my money—I pay for their welfare, I pay for their ability to live here. The least they can do is speak English in what my country.”
Well, with his world crumbling down around him Aaron Schlossberg has apologized for being a racist ass:
“To the people I insulted, I apologize, seeing myself online opened my eyes — the manner in which I expressed myself is unacceptable and is not the person I am. I see my words and actions hurt people, and for that I am deeply sorry.
While people should be able to express themselves freely, they should do so calmly and respectfully. What the video did not convey is the real me, I am not racist. One of the reasons I moved to New York is precisely because of the remarkable diversity offered in this wonderful city.
I love this country and this city, in part because of immigrants and the diversity of cultures immigrants bring to this country. Again, my sincerest apologies to anyone and everyone I hurt.”
Um, Aaron, you are a racist; you spewed racist venom and were perfectly fine with it until your words were held against you and the only way out was to apologize.

Oh, and this isn’t your country, it’s our country.
Good trans news … a federal court has denied the Gloucester County School Board’s motion to dismiss a case brought by former student Gavin Grimm, holding that Title IX and the Constitution protect transgender students from being excluded from the common restrooms that align with their gender identity:
“The district court’s ruling vindicates what Gavin has been saying from the beginning. Federal law protects Gavin and other students who are transgender from being stigmatized and excluded from using the same common restrooms that other boys and girls use. These sorts of discriminatory policies do nothing to protect privacy and only serve to harm and humiliate transgender students.”
Gavin Grimm, above, had this reaction:
“I feel an incredible sense of relief. After fighting this policy since I was 15 years old, I finally have a court decision saying that what the Gloucester County School Board did to me was wrong and it was against the law. I was determined not to give up because I didn’t want any other student to have to suffer the same experience that I had to go through.”
The march goes on …
Another day, another Republican with an idiotic idea…

First came the ‘Don’t throw rocks in the ocean or else the seas will rise” asshattery. And that was followed by the “Too many doors in school kill students’ asshattery, and that was followed by the ‘Let’s not allow students wo wear trench coats to school” nonsense.

And now this, from Republican Congresswoman Diane Black of Tennessee who wants to crowdfund the proposed border wall the president repeatedly claimed Mexico would pay for.

Now we’re gonna GoFundMe the wall? Bitch, please. Black introduced legislation to establish a fund that allows Americans to donate to build the wall, which the _____ administration has estimated will cost around $20 billion. And she’ll give y’all the added perk of having your name, if you donate, put on a plaque on the wall:
“My husband and I are willing to write the first check to say, ‘we as Americans want to do what the president has said — we want to fund that wall.”
Black, who is running to be the next governor of Tennessee—seriously, Tennessee? —was asked about what happened to Mexico paying for the wall.
“Well, I would like for Mexico to pay for that and I’m not close enough to the administration to see what pressure they are putting on them.”
Diane? Take a seat you fool and pay attention: Mexico will not pay for a wall; a wall will not stop illegal immigration; American citizens who are stuck with the GOP Tax Scam, are not gonna throw more coins at the government for some stupid wall. Even with a goddamned plaque on it.

If you had any doubt that Fox News is the NRA news network, this might change your mind …
On the day of the shooting last week in Santa Fe, Texas, Fox Hack Tucker Carlson spent exactly 17 seconds … seconds … of his hour long show on the shooting.

The rest of the time he talked about robots, diapers and the royal wedding. 

‘Nuff said.
Someone needs to teach the Publix bakery … at least the one in Charleston … a little something about the English Language.

Cara Koscinski ordered a cake online from Publix for her son’s graduation from a “Christian-based home-schooling program” and wanted the words Summa Cum Laude iced onto it.

She then received an alert …an actual alert … from Publix saying the store won’t write “profanity” on their cakes. But she ordered it anyway and when it arrived it was, well cum-less, so Cara naturally took it to Facebook:
“Ok. I didn’t want to post but I cannot resist. I ordered Jacob’s graduation cake from Publix. A $70 cake!! He earned a 4.79 GPA. Publix refused to write the words Summa Cum Laude because I was using ‘profanity!’ They put three dashes instead of the word!
How utterly ridiculous and I will be speaking to a manager for a refund. Shame on you Publix for turning an innocent Latin phrase into a total embarrassment for having to explain to my son and others (including my 70-year-old mother) about this joke of a cake.”
Publix has apologized to Cara and removed the word “cum” from their banned list.

Ooh, now I have a cake to order.
The NRA has a new enemy … Dick’s Sporting Goods.

Dick’s was one company that announced it would be doing its part to decrease gun violence by refusing to sell “assault-style rifles” in its stores. They this announcement back in February, and now they have gone even further: the unsold rifles will not be returned to manufacturers — they will be destroyed instead:
“We are in the process of destroying all firearms and accessories that are no longer for sale as a result of our February 28th policy change… We are destroying the firearms in accordance with federal guidelines and regulations.”
And now the NRA is throwing a _____-sized tantrum, taking to Twitter to blast the company’s “business model”, which is a far more responsible response than anything the NRA has ever done after a mass shooting:
“@Dicks decision isn’t focusing on the actual problem, what it is doing is punishing law-abiding citizens. What a waste, and what a strange business model.”
I say, “What a great thing.” The NRA is not the least bit concerned with guns, gun control, responsible gun legislation, they are all about making money from selling guns.

Fuck ‘em.
This is still making me giggle … last Saturday _____ Tweeted out a Welcome home to his wife after her mystery hospital stay and, well, y’all know what happened:
“Great to have our incredible First Lady back home in the White House. Melanie is feeling and doing really well. Thank you for all of your prayers and best wishes.”
Melanie! As if she needed one more reason to loathe that Fat Bastard of a husband of hers. The tweet was quickly deleted and replaced with a new tweet with her name—in case you forgot, it’s Melania—spelled correctly.

But, maybe there was a good reason for Melanie… apparently some staffers actually compose Tweets for _____ to send out because he’s busy with his bath, or his Big Mac, or his hookers and porn stars, and so, in order to simulate the cadence and his speech, they often purposefully misspell words and forget punctuation. They overuse the exclamation point! They CAPITALIZE words for no reason.

They, you know, “dumb it down” so you’ll know it’s the president Tweeting.
Even though it looks like the summit between the Two Bad hair Dudes, _____ and Un, may not happen, that didn’t stop the White House from issuing a commemorative coin.

Why? Well, the White House is a hot mess, _____ is a foreign policy moron—think embassy in Jerusalem and dead children, while Ivanka smiled and took selfies—and think that his team feels he needs a win.

So, make a coin for an event that has not yet happened, and may never happen.
Justin Clynes. Hot male model; totally swoonworthy. There is nothing left to say except, Enjoy!


Raybeard said...

Just heard on radio that Very Stable Genius has postponed (but NOT cancelled yet!) projected meting with Little Rocket Man. Oh dear! That precious and so deeply desired Noble Peace Prize is getting further and further beyond his little grasp. SAD!

Harry Hamid said...

Haha... One step at a time when it comes to the royals, I think. They've handled royalty marrying commoners. They've handled royalty marrying a black woman.

A same sex wedding, well, we have to save something for the 22nd century, right? (or at least wait until the queen dies)

Professor Chaos said...

Didn't we fight a war 200 years ago so we wouldn't have to give a shit about England's royal family?
(i would have gone with Duchess of Sussexxxy myself.)
Hopefully Dick's will show that the NRA isn't as powerful as people seem to think and politicians can maybe stop cowering in front of them.

Christ, Tennessee! Crowd funding a wall? You think you're gonna get the billions you need to build this stupid wall from gifundme? I think we"'re looking at the next governor of Tenn and a future GOP presidential nominee!

Helen Lashbrook said...

I've managed to avoid all TV coverage of the wedding of a man with too little to do to a woman who did actually have a job but gave it up. Let's hope she doesn't apply for benefits!

I'm not sure what you see in Ginge Bob, to me he is definitely unappealing, but at least he doesn't look like his putative father!

Mitchell is Moving said...

"That's not who I am" has become the racist equivalent of "Thoughts and prayers." That's exactly who you are!

I'm with you re the royal wedding hoopla.

I so admire people like Gavin Grimm who live proudly, and stand up for what is right (and for more than just themselves). He's MY prince!

The next governor of Tennessee?

Now that graduation is hilarious and an excellent example of the wonders of home-schooling!

Thanks to Dick's for putting it to those dicks!

There's a song in my head: Justin Clynes. I found you Justin Clynes. Until you came my Clynes were running low. Etc.

the dogs' mother said...

Having watched the Charles and Diana wedding at 2am PST I skipped this
wake up call. Didn't matter as it was on ALL day long!

Deedles said...

Not into wedding hoopla either. I'm with Helen on the ginger prince. he doesn't do a thing for me either. Whew, I thought I was the only one!
That cake thing cracks me up! But say the words out loud. It does sound like someone with an Italian accent commenting on the noise level of a whoopee session going on in the next room :)

Dick's rule!

Justin Clynes (never heard of him) looks lovely in color. In black and white, he looks like he has a lot of tiny bugs crawling on his body. Of course, that could just be my vision. I'm due for another eye injection next week.

Toni said...

Someone should warn Ms.Diane Black of Tennessee that when her gofundme gets to 12 Billion, Congress will 'borrow' it to fund congressional and senate retirement
account and never, ever, ever, ever reimburse. She won't even get her tile!

anne marie in philly said...

@Mitchell - appropriate song, no? I found myself singing along.

my ginger prince will never "cum" to me now. (sad trombone) yes, like carlos, I watched the wedding; I was awake and had nothing better to do.


FUCK everyone else.

mistress maddie said...

The NRA can fuck themselves royally.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

That cum cake fiasco made me laugh out loud! That bakery needs a research department who can look up common Latin phrases on the internet. Betcha they don't make cakes for gay weddings either!

Jennifer said...

"Cum cake" made me giggle like a 13 year old boy!

Dave R said...

Schlossberg needs to spend a little time with a history book, a German history book, right now he thinks he's a little too special.

The way I look at it, the more Idiot Jerk supporters send checks to build the 'wall' the less money that's going to go to campaign funds.

I see Tucker Carlson no longer wears bow ties.

I love Dicks... well, you know what I mean.