I Didn't Say It ....

Ryan Murphy, on his new FX show, Pose, a tribute to the 1980s NYC ballroom scene: 

“Along with being a dance musical and an affirming look at American life in the 1980s, I’m so proud that ‘Pose’ and FX has made history right from the beginning by featuring the most trans series regular actors ever in an American television production. Additionally, the first season ‘Pose’ will feature 50-plus LGBTQ characters — a record in American television history. I can’t wait for people to see this incredibly talented, passionate cast.”

This looks so good, and I am loving the hiring of actual trans actors and LGBTQ characters.

The march goes on …

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Michael Avenatti, Stormy Daniels’ lawyer, on the hush money having everything to do with the election:

“There were extensive communications between Michael Cohen and Keith Davidson in October 2016 relating to the timing of this payment and the need for this payment to be made prior to the election. Extensive communications relating to the need for the payment to be made, when it was made and as to related to potential influence on the election. So, any claim that the payment had nothing to do with the election is completely bogus. There’s no question it had everything to do with the election.”

Like she said on SNL, “A storm’s a’comin’.”

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Neil Cavuto, Fox News host, on _____ and his lying:

“How can you drain the swamp if you’re the one that keeps muddying the water? You didn’t know about that $130,000 payment to a porn star until you did. Your base probably might not care, but you should. I guess you’re too busy draining the swamp to ever stop and smell the stink you’re creating. That’s your doing. That’s your stink. Mr. President, that’s your swamp.”

A Fox pundit saying ______ stinks. My day is made!

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Rudy Giuliani, ____ lawyer, digging in deeper:

“First: There is no campaign violation. The payment was made to resolve a personal and false allegation in order to protect the President’s family. It would have been done in any event, whether he was a candidate or not. Second: My references to timing were not describing my understanding of the President’s knowledge, but instead, my understanding of these matters. Third: It is undisputed that the President’s dismissal of former Director Comey – an inferior executive officer – was clearly within his Article II power. Recent revelations about former Director Comey further confirm the wisdom of the President’s decision, which was plainly in the best interests of our nation.”

Okay, first … _____ paid $130,000 to cover up a lie Stormy Daniels was telling? I should start lying about the Fat Bastard and I can retire sooner rather than later.

Second … so you talked about what you understood but made no effort to figure out what _____ understood before flapping your gums?

Third … you’re still wrong, Rudy.

Take a seat until your ride comes to take you home.

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John Oliver, on Rudy Giuliani and ______, after Rudy, who was married to his first cousin for a time, called Ivanka a “fine woman” but said Jared Kushner is “disposable,” and his first marriage, which was to his first cousin:

“Think about it: They’re basically two versions of the same person. They’re both New Yorkers coasting on their reputations, they’ve both had three marriages, neither of them can shut up in front of a camera, and, perhaps most importantly, they both want to f**k Ivanka—which is weird for _____ because Ivanka is in his family, and is weird for Giuliani because she isn’t.”

As Randy Rainbow calls them, Rudy and the Beast!

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Michelle Obama, speaking to girls about working twice as hard as men for half the reward:

“I wish that girls could fail as bad as men do, and be okay, because let me tell you, watching men fail up—it is frustrating. It's frustrating to see a lot of men blow it and win. And we hold ourselves to these crazy, crazy standards.”

How long before Melania steals this for a speech?

And Michelle? Run for President, girl.

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Seth Meyers, on Rudy Giuliani’s disastrous week of interviews and _____’s explanation for the mess:

“Yeah, give the kid [Rudy] a break! He’s only 73 going on Nosferatu. He’s a former mayor and U.S. attorney who’s now the lawyer for the President of the United States and _____ talks about him like he’s a trainee at Chipotle.”

Well, Rudy certainly acts more like he should be asking if I want beans or rice than being a lawyer for a sexual predator!

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Jim Parsons, on some people saying the gay rom-com Love, Simon was unnecessary:

“I read a couple of articles that were essentially saying – I loved it, by the way, but there were a couple articles that were like, ‘that’s too late.’ … That we were beyond this now, the kind of tale of coming out that this was. And I thought, ‘Maybe if you’re a 30-something writer living in New York or LA it may be like ‘I don’t need to see this’, obviously.  But I don’t know – I think there are people in many other places that, yes you do still need to see it. [And] never mind the fact [they’re saying] ‘a gay romcom it’s too late.’ Tell that to When Harry Met Sally, you know, which was brilliant, but I’m saying, ‘How many straight rom-coms do we need? When is it too late for them?’ There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re fine. They are lovely. And I love When Harry Met Sally, I dunno…Let me get sick of too many gay rom-coms thank you very much. Bring it on. We’ll see.”

Seriously. Straight rom-coms have been around since movies started being made, and suddenly a same-sex rom-com is too much?

Take a seat, haters.

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